The Creature of Anxiety: How Regret, Shame, and Self-Doubt Hijack the Mind and Body

Anxiety can feel like a creature feeding on regrets, mistakes, and self-doubt. Discover how neuroscience explains anxiety’s grip on the nervous system and learn therapeutic pathways to restore calm, resilience, and connection with support from Embodied Wellness and Recovery.

When Anxiety Becomes Its Own Creature

Bassey Ikpi writes in I’m Telling the Truth, but I’m Lying:

"Anxiety is its own creature. Anxiety asks me to focus on the terrible things I’ve done. The people I’ve hurt. The promises I’ve broken. Anxiety tells me to make a list. Mistakes. Regrets. Lies. A litany of shortcomings, a coil tightened, ready to spring."

This description resonates with anyone who has felt anxiety take on a life of its own. Anxiety is not just worry. It is a relentless narrator, spinning stories of failure and shame, tightening the coil of the nervous system until release feels impossible.

But why does anxiety hijack the mind and body in this way? And how can we loosen its grip?

Anxiety as More Than Worry: What Science Tells Us

Neuroscience reveals that anxiety is a survival response rooted in the brain. When the amygdala, the brain’s alarm center, perceives threat, it triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response. This system is vital when real danger is present, but in chronic anxiety, the alarm misfires, keeping the body in a constant state of readiness.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and perspective, struggles to override the amygdala when stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood the nervous system. As a result, anxiety becomes a loop: intrusive thoughts trigger physical symptoms, which reinforce more anxious thoughts.

Anxiety is not weakness or lack of willpower. It is the nervous system locked in a state of survival mode.

The Painful Questions Anxiety Asks

Anxiety often forces people to interrogate themselves with questions that feel impossible to answer:

      — Why can’t I stop replaying the mistakes I’ve made?
      — Why does my mind fixate on the people I’ve hurt, even if I’ve apologized?
     — Why do my thoughts circle around regrets like a list I cannot finish?
     — Why does my body feel wound so tightly, like I’m always on the verge of snapping?

These questions are not a reflection of your worth but of your nervous system in overdrive.

How Anxiety Shapes the Body and Mind

The Physiology of the Coil

Chronic anxiety keeps the sympathetic nervous system active, which can lead to muscle tension, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, and digestive upset. The body becomes the stage where anxiety plays out, reinforcing the sense that escape is impossible.

The Role of Shame and Self-Worth

Anxiety often intertwines with shame, convincing you that mistakes define who you are. Neuroscience research shows that shame activates similar brain regions as physical pain (Eisenberger, 2012), which explains why regret can feel like a wound that never heals.

The Silence of Unseen Struggles

Cultural, familial, or institutional invalidation can deepen anxiety. When someone hears “just stop worrying” or “you’re overreacting,” the nervous system’s distress is dismissed. This lack of empathetic witnessing reinforces self-doubt and silence.

The Ripple Effect of Anxiety on Relationships and Intimacy

Anxiety rarely stays contained within the mind. It spills into relationships, intimacy, and sexuality. Partners may misinterpret anxious withdrawal as disinterest or avoidance. Performance anxiety can disrupt sexual functioning by preventing the body from relaxing into pleasure. Chronic stress shifts hormonal balance, lowering libido and creating further shame.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand anxiety not only as a mental health condition but as a relational and somatic experience that affects every part of life.

Pathways Toward Repair and Regulation

Somatic Therapy

Because anxiety lives in the body as much as the mind, somatic therapy helps clients notice physical sensations, discharge excess survival energy, and build nervous system resilience.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

EMDR helps reprocess intrusive memories and regrets, allowing them to lose their grip on the nervous system. By integrating past experiences, the mind no longer needs to circle endlessly around mistakes and shame.

Mind-Body Approaches

Practices such as breathwork, mindfulness, and trauma-informed yoga help strengthen the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps restore balance after stress. Over time, these tools help shift the nervous system from a state of vigilance to one of regulation.

Relational Repair

Healing also requires safe relationships where vulnerability is met with empathy rather than invalidation. In therapy, clients experience the power of being seen, which rewires the brain’s sense of safety and helps restore self-worth.

Asking Different Questions

As anxiety loosens its hold, the painful questions begin to change:

     — Instead of “Why can’t I stop replaying mistakes?” you may ask, “What can I learn from my past without being defined by it?”
     — Instead of “Why does my body feel wound so tightly?” you may ask, “How can I help my body feel safe right now?”
    — Instead of “Why do I feel unworthy?” you may ask, “How can I honor the resilience it took to survive?”

These questions reflect a nervous system learning to trust itself again.

Rewriting the Narrative

Anxiety may feel like its own creature, feeding on regrets and shame. However, neuroscience reveals that it is the nervous system doing its best to protect you, even when that protection feels suffocating.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients transform anxiety’s litany of shortcomings into a story of resilience, self-compassion, and connection. Through somatic therapy, EMDR, and trauma-informed care, the coil of anxiety can be gently unwound, making space for presence, intimacy, and vitality.

Contact us today to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of somatic practitioners, trauma specialists, and relationship experts, and start your journey toward embodied connection with yourself and others, and free yourself from the bondage of anxiety. 

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References

Eisenberger, N. I. (2012). The neural bases of social pain: Evidence for shared representations with physical pain. Psychosomatic Medicine, 74(2), 126–135. https://doi.org/10.1097/PSY.0b013e3182464dd1

Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician’s guide to mindsight and neural integration. New York, NY: W. W. Norton & Company.