Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/31/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/31/26

When Should Couples Therapy Start? Warning Signs Your Relationship Needs Support

Wondering when couples therapy is necessary? Learn the early warning signs your relationship needs help and how therapy supports connection, safety, and emotional repair.

When Do Couples Actually Need Therapy?

Many couples wait far too long to seek therapy. Often, couples therapy is framed as a last resort, something to try only after years of conflict, emotional distance, or near separation. But the question many partners are quietly asking is much earlier and more vulnerable:

— Is what we are experiencing normal relationship stress or something more serious?
— How do we know when couples therapy is necessary?
— Are we overreacting or underreacting?
— Can things improve on their own, or do we need help?

Couples therapy is not only for relationships in crisis. In fact, research consistently shows that earlier intervention leads to stronger outcomes and less entrenched patterns.

Why Couples Delay Seeking Therapy

Couples often delay therapy because:

— They fear being judged or blamed
— One partner is more motivated than the other
— They assume problems should be handled privately
— They worry that therapy means the relationship is failing
— They hope time alone will fix things

From a neuroscience and attachment perspective, waiting often allows stress responses to become hardwired patterns, making repair more difficult later.

The Nervous System and Relationship Distress

Romantic relationships are not just emotional connections. They are nervous system partnerships.

When relationships feel safe, the nervous system settles. When relationships feel unpredictable, critical, distant, or threatening, the nervous system shifts into survival mode.

This can show up as:

— Fight responses like criticism, defensiveness, or anger
— Flight responses like withdrawal, avoidance, or overworking
— Freeze responses like numbness or emotional shutdown
— Fawn responses like people-pleasing or self-silencing

Over time, couples stop arguing about the original issue and instead react to each other’s nervous systems.

Early Warning Signs Couples Therapy Should Start

1. Conversations Go in Circles Without Resolution

If you keep having the same arguments with no change, this is not a communication failure. It is a regulation failure.

When the nervous system is activated, the brain prioritizes protection over problem-solving. Couples therapy helps slow these cycles and restore safety so conversations can actually move forward.

2. Emotional Distance Is Growing

Do you feel more like roommates than partners? Less curiosity, less affection, fewer meaningful conversations?

Emotional withdrawal is one of the most significant predictors of long-term dissatisfaction. Many couples seek therapy only after distance feels permanent, but early support can reverse this pattern.

3. Conflict Escalates Quickly

Do small issues turn into intense arguments? Does one or both partners feel flooded, overwhelmed, or reactive during conflict?

This often reflects nervous system overwhelm, not immaturity or lack of effort. Therapy helps couples learn how to co-regulate rather than escalate.

4. One Partner Feels Unheard or Invalidated

Feeling unseen or dismissed erodes emotional safety. When one partner consistently feels unheard, resentment builds and trust weakens.

Couples therapy provides a structured space for both partners to feel understood without having to fight for airtime.

5. You Avoid Important Topics

Avoidance often feels safer than conflict, but it slowly undermines intimacy.

Common avoided topics include:

— Sex and desire discrepancies
— Money or financial stress
— Parenting differences
— Family boundaries
— Past betrayals or hurts

Avoidance is a sign that the nervous system does not feel equipped to handle these conversations alone.

6. Sexual Intimacy Has Changed or Stalled

Changes in sexual desire, avoidance of intimacy, or tension around sex are often relational signals, not individual failures.

Sexual disconnection frequently reflects:

— Unresolved emotional injuries
— Stress or trauma
— Attachment insecurity
— Shame or fear around vulnerability

Couples therapy that integrates sexuality and emotional safety can help restore intimacy in a way that feels respectful and grounded.

7. Trauma Is Affecting the Relationship

When one or both partners carry unresolved trauma, it inevitably enters the relationship.

Trauma can shape:

— How partners interpret tone or intent
— How quickly conflict escalates
— How safe closeness feels
— How partners respond to vulnerability

Couples therapy that is trauma-informed helps partners understand these patterns without pathologizing each other.

8. Trust Has Been Damaged

Whether through infidelity, secrecy, broken promises, or emotional betrayal, trust injuries do not heal through time alone.

Without guided repair, the nervous system stays alert, scanning for danger. Therapy provides containment, accountability, and structure for rebuilding trust.

9. One or Both Partners Are Considering Separation

You do not need to be on the brink of separation to benefit from therapy. But if the thought has entered the conversation, it is a clear signal that support is needed.

Couples therapy helps clarify:

— What is actually driving the disconnection
— Whether repair feels possible
— What each partner truly needs moving forward

Why Earlier Therapy Works Better

From a neuroplasticity standpoint, the brain is more flexible before patterns harden.

Early couples therapy:

— Reduces stress hormones
— Strengthens emotional safety
— Interrupts reactive cycles
— Builds skills before resentment accumulates
— Preserves goodwill and empathy

Therapy is not about assigning blame. It is about changing the environment so that both nervous systems can settle.

What Couples Therapy Looks Like at Embodied Wellness and Recovery

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, couples therapy integrates:

— Trauma-informed care
— Nervous system regulation
— Attachment-based frameworks
— Somatic awareness

— Relational repair
— Sexual and emotional intimacy work

We focus not only on what couples say but also on what their bodies and nervous systems communicate beneath the surface.

Couples learn how to:

— Recognize stress responses in real time
— Pause escalation before damage occurs
— Repair ruptures effectively
— Restore emotional and physical safety
— Rebuild intimacy through trust and presence

A Reframe Worth Considering

Needing couples therapy does not mean something is wrong with your relationship. It often means your relationship matters enough to protect. Seeking help earlier allows couples to grow together rather than drift apart.

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony Books.

2) Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.

3) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. Norton.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/29/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/29/26

Why the News Is Making You Anxious: Understanding News Anxiety, Vicarious Trauma, and Nervous System Overload

Why does watching the news cause anxiety, panic, or emotional shutdown? Learn how news anxiety and vicarious trauma dysregulate the nervous system and what helps restore balance.

Why Does Watching the News Feel So Overwhelming?

Have you noticed your heart racing after watching the news? Trouble sleeping after reading headlines? A sense of dread, numbness, or helplessness when you try to make sense of ongoing violence, political unrest, or human suffering?

Many people are asking the same questions:

— Why does the news make me anxious?
— Why do I feel emotionally flooded or shut down after watching the news?
— Is it normal to feel traumatized by events that did not happen to me directly?
— How do I stay informed without feeling overwhelmed?

These reactions are not signs of weakness or overreaction. They are signs of a nervous system under chronic strain.

What Is News Anxiety?

News anxiety refers to heightened anxiety, distress, or nervous system dysregulation triggered by repeated exposure to news coverage, especially stories involving violence, injustice, disasters, or threat.

This can include:

— Panic or anxiety symptoms
— Emotional overwhelm or tearfulness
— Numbness or emotional shutdown
— Irritability or anger
— Difficulty concentrating
— Sleep disturbances
— A sense of hopelessness or loss of meaning

News anxiety is increasingly common in an era of constant media access, graphic imagery, and real-time updates that offer little opportunity for the nervous system to reset.

Vicarious Trauma and the Brain

From a neuroscience perspective, the brain does not clearly distinguish between direct threat and witnessed threat.

Research on vicarious trauma shows that repeated exposure to others’ suffering can activate the same neural networks involved in direct trauma exposure. When we watch violence, hear distressing stories, or repeatedly imagine worst-case scenarios, the brain’s threat detection systems respond as if danger is present.

Key brain regions involved include:

— The amygdala, which detects threat
— The hippocampus, which stores emotional memory
— The anterior cingulate cortex, which processes pain and distress
— The insula, which maps bodily sensations and emotional states

Over time, this repeated activation can lead to chronic nervous system arousal or, conversely, protective shutdown.

Nervous System Overload and Dysregulation

When the nervous system is repeatedly exposed to perceived threat without resolution, it can become stuck in survival states.

Common nervous system responses to news exposure include:

Sympathetic activation

— Anxiety
— Hypervigilance
— Racing thoughts
— Anger or agitation
— Compulsive news checking

Parasympathetic shutdown

— Emotional numbness
— Dissociation
— Fatigue
— Withdrawal
— A sense of meaninglessness

Both are adaptive responses to overwhelm. Neither indicates pathology.

Why Senseless Violence Is So Dysregulating

Human nervous systems are wired for meaning-making. When events feel random, unjust, or incomprehensible, the brain struggles to integrate them.

Senseless violence disrupts:

— Our assumptions about safety
— Our belief in predictability
— Our sense of moral order
— Our trust in institutions and community

This existential disruption is often what people mean when they say, “I cannot make sense of what is happening.” The distress is not only emotional but also deeply neurobiological.

The Role of Media Saturation

Unlike previous generations, modern news consumption is:

— Continuous
— Visual and graphic
— Algorithm-driven
— Emotionally amplified

Doomscrolling keeps the nervous system in a near-constant state of alert without offering resolution or agency. The body receives threat signals but no clear action path, which increases anxiety and helplessness.

This is particularly impactful for people with:

— A history of trauma
— High empathy
— Attachment wounds
— Anxiety disorders
— Depression or dissociation
— Caregiving or helping professions

Why Some People Feel It More Intensely

Not everyone experiences news anxiety the same way. Differences often relate to nervous system sensitivity and personal history.

People who grew up in environments marked by unpredictability, violence, emotional neglect, or chronic stress often have sensitized threat detection systems. Their bodies learned early that vigilance was necessary for survival.

For these individuals, the news does not feel informational. It feels personal.

How Trauma-Informed Therapy Helps

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand news anxiety as a nervous system response, not a cognitive failure.

Effective treatment focuses on:

— Restoring nervous system regulation
— Increasing tolerance for emotional activation
— Rebuilding a sense of safety and agency
— Addressing trauma stored in the body
— Supporting meaning-making without overwhelm

Modalities such as somatic therapy, EMDR, attachment-based therapy, and nervous system-informed psychotherapy help clients process distress without retraumatization.

Practical Ways to Reduce News-Related Anxiety

1. Shift from constant exposure to intentional consumption

Limit news intake to specific times of day. Avoid starting or ending the day with distressing content.

2. Regulate before and after exposure

Grounding practices such as slow breathing, movement, or orienting to the room help the nervous system reset.

3. Notice your body’s cues

If your body tightens, dissociates, or races, that is information. Respect it.

4. Focus on agency and connection

Engaging in meaningful action, community support, or values-based living helps counter helplessness.

5. Work with a trauma-informed therapist

Professional support helps integrate emotional responses without suppressing or escalating them.

A Compassionate Reframe

Feeling overwhelmed by the news does not mean you are fragile or disengaged. It often means you are human, empathic, and wired for connection.

Your nervous system is responding exactly as it was designed to respond to threat and uncertainty.

With support, it can also learn how to return to safety, presence, and resilience.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Can Help

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in trauma-informed, nervous system-based therapy for individuals struggling with anxiety, emotional overwhelm, dissociation, and relational distress.

Our work integrates neuroscience, somatic awareness, attachment theory, and compassionate clinical care to help clients navigate distressing times without losing themselves in the process.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). Why rejection hurts: A common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 8(7), 294–300.

2) McCann, I. L., & Pearlman, L. A. (1990). Vicarious traumatization: A framework for understanding the psychological effects of working with victims. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 3(1), 131–149.

3) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/28/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/28/26

Healing Sexual Shame After Growing Up in Purity Culture: How to Reclaim Your Body and Desire

Struggling with sexual shame after purity culture? Learn how religious sexual messaging affects the nervous system and how sexuality can be reclaimed safely.

Do you feel anxious, disconnected, or ashamed when it comes to sex, even years after leaving a religious environment? Do you struggle to feel desire, pleasure, or comfort in your body despite deeply wanting intimacy? Do you intellectually reject purity culture teachings but still feel their emotional grip?

For many adults, purity culture does not simply fade with time. Its messages about sex, bodies, desire, and worth often become embedded in the nervous system, shaping how intimacy feels long after the beliefs themselves are questioned.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand sexual shame through a trauma-informed, neuroscience-based lens. Healing sexuality after purity culture is not about forcing confidence or overriding discomfort. It is about restoring safety, agency, and connection in the body.

What Is Purity Culture and Why Does It Leave Lasting Wounds?

Purity culture refers to a belief system that frames sexual desire as dangerous, immoral, or acceptable only under narrowly defined conditions. While its messaging varies across religious traditions, common themes include:

— Sexual worth tied to abstinence
— Bodies viewed as sources of temptation or sin
— Desire framed as something to suppress or control
— Modesty used as a measure of moral value
— Fear-based teachings about the consequences of sexual expression

For many people, these messages were introduced during critical developmental periods when identity, attachment, and nervous system regulation were still forming.

When sexuality is associated with fear, shame, or moral failure, the body learns to brace against desire rather than welcome it.

Sexual Shame Is a Nervous System Experience

Sexual shame is not only cognitive. It is physiological.

From a neuroscience perspective, repeated messages that label desire as dangerous activate the brain’s threat detection systems. Over time, the nervous system learns to associate arousal, curiosity, or pleasure with danger.

This can lead to:

— Chronic anxiety around intimacy
— Dissociation during sexual experiences
— Difficulty accessing desire or pleasure
— Pain, shutdown, or numbness in the body
— Hypervigilance about performance or morality
— Confusion between arousal and fear

These responses are not signs of dysfunction. They are adaptations to environments where sexuality was not emotionally safe.

Why Sexual Shame Persists Even After Beliefs Change

Many adults ask, “If I no longer believe these teachings, why do they still affect me?”

The answer lies in how memory and learning are stored in the brain and body. While belief systems reside largely in the prefrontal cortex, shame and fear responses are encoded in subcortical and limbic regions that support survival.

In other words, insight alone does not automatically rewire the nervous system.

Sexual shame persists when:

— Early experiences paired desire with punishment or fear
— Emotional safety was conditional
— The body never learned that pleasure could coexist with safety
— Attachment and sexuality became intertwined with compliance

Healing requires working at the level where these patterns live.

Common Ways Purity Culture Impacts Adult Sexuality

While each person’s experience is unique, many adults raised in purity culture report similar struggles, including:

— Feeling disconnected from their body during sex
— Difficulty initiating or responding to desire
— Guilt or anxiety after pleasurable experiences
— Confusion about consent, boundaries, or needs
— Fear of being “too much” or “not enough.”
— Difficulty integrating spirituality and sexuality
— Challenges with orgasm, arousal, or relaxation

These struggles are not failures of effort or desire. They reflect nervous system patterns shaped by early conditioning.

Reclaiming the Body After Sexual Shame

Healing sexuality begins with restoring a sense of safety in the body. Somatic and nervous system-informed approaches recognize that the body must learn, gradually and repeatedly, that sensation does not equal danger.

This process may involve:

— Learning to track bodily sensations without judgment
— Building tolerance for pleasure and arousal slowly
— Reconnecting with breath, movement, and grounding
— Exploring consent with yourself before others
— Developing boundaries that support choice rather than obligation

Reclaiming the body is not about pushing through discomfort. It is about cultivating attunement and agency.

Desire Is Not a Moral Failing

One of the most damaging messages of purity culture is the idea that desire itself is suspect.

From a biological perspective, sexual desire is a natural function shaped by hormones, attachment, and nervous system regulation. It is not inherently virtuous or dangerous.

When desire has been suppressed or shamed, it may return in unpredictable ways or feel overwhelming when it does emerge. Therapy helps individuals learn to relate to desire with curiosity rather than fear.

Desire becomes safer when it is allowed to exist without judgment.

Attachment, Relationships, and Sexual Shame

Purity culture often intersects with attachment patterns.

For some, love became conditional on compliance, goodness, or self-suppression. This can lead to:

— Difficulty advocating for needs in relationships
— Confusion between closeness and obligation
— Fear of disappointing partners
— Difficulty trusting desire as relationally safe

Healing sexuality often involves healing attachment. As relational safety increases, sexual expression becomes less fraught and more authentic.

How Therapy Supports Sexual Healing After Purity Culture

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we support clients' healing from purity culture through integrative, trauma-informed care that addresses both mind and body.

Therapeutic approaches may include:

— Somatic therapy to restore body safety and regulation
— EMDR to process shame-based memories and beliefs
— Attachment-focused therapy to build relational security
— Parts work to understand internal conflicts around desire
— Psychoeducation grounded in neuroscience and sexual health

The goal is not to replace one set of rules with another. It is to support choice, agency, and embodied self-trust.

Integrating Spirituality and Sexuality

For some individuals, healing also involves reimagining the relationship between spirituality and sexuality.

This may include:

— Grieving spiritual frameworks that caused harm
— Exploring new values that honor both faith and embodiment
— Redefining meaning outside of shame-based narratives
— Allowing complexity rather than certainty

Sexual healing does not require abandoning spirituality. It often requires disentangling spirituality from fear and control.

Sexual Healing Is a Gradual Process

Reclaiming sexuality after purity culture is not linear. There may be moments of insight followed by periods of discomfort or grief.

Progress often looks like:

— Increased curiosity about the body
— Reduced shame responses
— Greater emotional presence during intimacy
— Clearer boundaries and communication
— A growing sense of internal permission

Over time, the nervous system learns that desire can coexist with safety, dignity, and self-respect.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Can Help

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in trauma-informed, attachment-based therapy for individuals and couples navigating sexual shame, religious trauma, intimacy challenges, and nervous system dysregulation.

Our work integrates:

— Neuroscience-informed psychotherapy
— Somatic and experiential approaches
— Trauma and attachment healing
— Relational and sexual wellness support

We help clients reclaim their bodies, their desires, and their capacity for intimacy with care, depth, and respect.

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/27/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/27/26

The Stages of Heartbreak: Why Breakups Hurt So Much and How the Pain Changes Over Time

Why does heartbreak feel unbearable after a breakup? Learn the stages of heartbreak, the neuroscience of breakup pain, and how grief changes over time.

Why does a breakup hurt this much?
Why does it feel impossible to focus, sleep, or imagine a future without the person you lost?
And perhaps the most painful question of all: “How long will this pain last?”

Heartbreak is not simply emotional distress. It is a full-body experience that affects the brain, the nervous system, the sense of identity, and the capacity to feel safe in the world. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we view heartbreak as a form of relational grief that deserves understanding, compassion, and nervous system-informed care.

This article explores the stages of heartbreak, why breakups can feel unbearable, and how the pain evolves over time through a trauma-informed and neuroscience-based lens.

Why Breakups Hurt So Much

From a neurobiological perspective, romantic attachment is not just emotional. It is wired into the brain’s survival systems.

When you bond with a partner, your brain links them to safety, comfort, regulation, and reward. Oxytocin, dopamine, and endogenous opioids all play a role in creating feelings of closeness and emotional security. When a relationship ends, the brain experiences this loss as a threat.

Research shows that social rejection and attachment loss activate the same brain regions involved in physical pain (Eisenberger & Lieberman, 2004). This is why heartbreak can feel physically unbearable, with symptoms such as chest tightness, nausea, fatigue, insomnia, and loss of appetite.

Heartbreak is grief. But it is a unique form of grief because the attachment figure is still alive, often still present in memory, and sometimes still accessible.

Heartbreak as Attachment Loss

When a relationship ends, you are not only losing the person. You are losing:

— A sense of emotional safety
— A shared future
— A source of regulation
— A familiar identity as part of a couple
— The nervous system patterns built around that bond

This is why heartbreak can feel disorienting and destabilizing. The nervous system must reorganize without a primary attachment reference point.

The Stages of Heartbreak

Heartbreak does not foltimeline, but many people experience recognizable stages as the nervous system and psyche adapt to loss. These stages often overlap and repeat.

Stage One: Shock and Disbelief

In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, many people feel numb, detached, or unreal. This is not emotional avoidance. It is the nervous system protecting against overwhelm.

You may feel:

— Emotional numbness
— Disorientation or fog
— Difficulty believing the relationship is truly over
— Alternating waves of panic and shutdown

This stage reflects acute stress activation. The nervous system is struggling to integrate a sudden loss.

Stage Two: Protest and Longing

As the reality of the breakup sets in, intense longing often emerges. This stage is marked by yearning, rumination, and a powerful urge to reconnect.

Common experiences include:

— Obsessive thoughts about the ex
— Urges to reach out or check social media
— Replaying memories or conversations
— Fantasizing about reconciliation

From a neuroscience perspective, this stage is driven by dopamine and attachment circuitry. The brain is attempting to restore connection to reestablish regulation.

This is often the most painful phase of heartbreak and the one people fear will never end.

Stage Three: Emotional Pain and Grief

As protest gives way to reality, grief deepens. Sadness, anger, despair, and hopelessness may surface.

People often ask:

— Why does the pain feel worse now?
— Am I going backward?
— Is something wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong. This stage reflects the nervous system's processing loss rather than its resistance.

You may experience:

— Deep sadness or crying spells
— Anger or resentment
— Feelings of emptiness
— Changes in sleep or appetite
— Loss of motivation or pleasure

This is where heartbreak most closely resembles bereavement.

Stage Four: Meaning Making and Integration

Over time, the intensity of pain begins to shift. This does not mean the loss stops mattering. It means the nervous system starts to adapt.

In this stage, people may begin to:

— Reflect on the relationship more clearly
— Understand patterns or dynamics
— Reconnect with parts of themselves
— Experience moments of calm between waves of grief

This stage involves integrating the loss into your life narrative rather than organizing your entire emotional world around it.

Stage Five: Reorientation and Reconnection

Eventually, the nervous system regains greater stability. The relationship is no longer the primary reference point for emotional regulation.

You may notice:

— Increased emotional steadiness
— Renewed interest in relationships or creativity
— A stronger sense of self
— Capacity for connection without intense pain

This stage does not erase grief. It allows life to expand around it again.

How Long Does Heartbreak Last?

There is no universal timeline for heartbreak. Duration is influenced by:

— Attachment style
— Trauma history
— Length and intensity of the relationship
— Whether the breakup was sudden or ambiguous
— Access to emotional support

Research suggests that acute heartbreak symptoms often peak in the first weeks to months, with gradual improvement over time (Reynolds & Hochman, 2010). However, unresolved attachment trauma or nervous system dysregulation can prolong suffering.

If the pain feels frozen or overwhelming months later, it may signal the need for trauma-informed support rather than more time alone.

Heartbreak and the Nervous System

Heartbreak dysregulates the nervous system. Many people oscillate between anxiety and shutdown.

Anxiety may look like:

— Rumination
— Panic
— Hypervigilance
— Difficulty sleeping

Shutdown may look like:

— Emotional numbness
— Fatigue
— Withdrawal
— Loss of motivation

Therapy that focuses on nervous system repair helps the body relearn safety, stability, and emotional regulation after loss.

When Heartbreak Connects to Earlier Trauma

For some individuals, breakups activate older wounds related to abandonment, neglect, or emotional unpredictability. The pain may feel disproportionately intense because the loss resonates with earlier experiences stored in the body.

In these cases, heartbreak is not only about the relationship that ended. It is about unresolved attachment trauma seeking integration.

Understanding this connection can reduce shame and clarify why the pain feels so consuming.

How Therapy Supports Recovery from Heartbreak

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we work with heartbreak through a trauma-informed, neuroscience-grounded approach.

Therapy may include:

— Somatic therapy to support nervous system regulation
— EMDR to process relational and attachment trauma
— Attachment-focused therapy to rebuild internal safety
— Support around identity, intimacy, and trust
— Gentle integration of grief rather than suppression

The goal is not to rush grief, but to support the body and mind as they adapt.

A Compassionate Perspective on Heartbreak

Heartbreak hurts because attachment matters. Pain reflects connection, not weakness. Over time, the nervous system can learn that safety and connection are possible again, even after profound loss.

The pain does change. It does not disappear all at once. It softens, becomes less consuming, and eventually allows space for new meaning and connection.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Can Help

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in working with individuals and couples navigating grief, attachment loss, relational trauma, and intimacy challenges.

Our integrative approach addresses:

— Trauma stored in the nervous system
— Attachment patterns and relational wounds
— Emotional regulation after loss
— Identity and meaning after relationship endings

We help clients move through heartbreak with care, depth, and nervous system support.

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, orrelationship experts, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). Why rejection hurts: a common neural alarm system for physical and social pain. Trends in cognitive sciences, 8(7), 294-300.

2) Fisher, H. E. (2016). Anatomy of love: A natural history of mating, marriage, and why we stray. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

4) Reynolds, H. R., & Hochman, J. S. (2010). Heartbreak. European Heart Journal, 31(12), 1433-1435.

5) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/25/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/25/26

Limerence vs Love: How to Tell the Difference Between Obsession and Healthy Attachment

Is it love or limerence? Learn how to tell the difference between obsessive attraction and healthy attachment through neuroscience, trauma, and nervous system regulation.

Limerence vs Love: How to Tell the Difference Between Obsession and Healthy Attachment

Do you feel consumed by thoughts of one person, unable to concentrate, sleep, or emotionally settle unless you receive reassurance or contact from them? Does your mood rise and fall based on how they respond, or whether they respond at all? Do you feel driven by longing, fantasy, or uncertainty rather than mutual safety and ease?

Many people experiencing limerence describe it as feeling imprisoned by obsession. They may wonder whether what they are feeling is love, intuition, or something deeply wrong with them. In reality, limerence is not a character flaw. It is a nervous system and attachment response.

Understanding the difference between limerence and love can be profoundly relieving. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we approach limerence through a trauma-informed, neuroscience-based lens that prioritizes compassion, regulation, and relational repair.

What Is Limerence?

Limerence is a state of intense romantic fixation characterized by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, idealization, and a strong need for reciprocation. It is often fueled by uncertainty, fantasy, and intermittent reinforcement.

Common signs of limerence include:

— Persistent, intrusive thoughts about one person
— Idealizing the person while minimizing incompatibilities
— Emotional highs and lows based on contact or perceived interest
— Difficulty focusing on work, relationships, or self-care
— Strong fear of rejection or abandonment
— A sense of urgency or compulsion around connection

People often search for terms like “limerence symptoms,” “obsessive romantic thoughts,” or “why can’t I stop thinking about someone” because the experience feels overwhelming and confusing.

What Is Love?

Healthy love is grounded in mutuality, emotional safety, and nervous system regulation. While attraction and longing may be present, love does not hijack your capacity to function, self-regulate, or maintain a sense of self.

Love tends to feel:

— Steady rather than consuming
— Grounded rather than urgent
— Mutual rather than one-sided
— Regulating rather than destabilizing
— Expansive rather than constricting

In love, connection enhances your life. In limerence, connection often becomes the organizing force around which everything else revolves.

The Core Differences Between Limerence and Love

1. Obsession vs Presence

Limerence is preoccupied with the other person. Love allows presence with yourself and others.

2. Fantasy vs Reality

Limerence relies heavily on imagined futures and idealized versions of the other. Love is rooted in knowing and being known.

3. Anxiety vs Safety

Limerence activates chronic anxiety, vigilance, and emotional volatility. Love supports calm, safety, and emotional regulation.

4. Control vs Choice

Limerence feels compulsive. Love feels chosen.

The Neuroscience of Limerence

From a neuroscience perspective, limerence is strongly linked to the brain’s reward and threat systems. Dopamine plays a central role.

Dopamine is associated with motivation, anticipation, and craving. In limerence, dopamine surges are triggered by uncertainty, novelty, and intermittent reinforcement such as inconsistent texting or ambiguous signals of interest.

This creates a powerful cycle:

— Anticipation or longing
— Dopamine surge when contact occurs
— Emotional relief or euphoria
— Dopamine drop when contact fades
— Heightened craving and obsession

At the same time, the nervous system often remains in a state of sympathetic activation. This explains why limerence feels urgent, obsessive, and difficult to regulate.

Limerence and the Nervous System

Limerence is not just psychological. It is physiological. For many individuals, especially those with trauma histories, early attachment wounds, or chronic emotional neglect, the nervous system learned to associate love with unpredictability, longing, or emotional distance. In these cases, intensity can be misinterpreted as intimacy.

If calm feels unfamiliar or unsafe, the nervous system may seek activation as a way to feel alive or connected. Limerence provides that activation, even when it causes suffering.

Attachment Styles and Limerence

Limerence is commonly associated with anxious or disorganized attachment patterns.

People with anxious attachment may experience:

— Hyperfocus on romantic partners
— Strong fear of abandonment
— Emotional dependence on reassurance
— Difficulty tolerating uncertainty

Disorganized attachment may involve:

— Simultaneous longing for closeness and fear of it
— Idealization followed by devaluation
— Confusion between desire and danger

Understanding attachment patterns helps reduce shame and clarify why certain relationships feel intoxicating and destabilizing.

Why Limerence Can Feel So Imprisoning

Many people describe limerence as feeling trapped inside their own mind. Even when they recognize the relationship is unhealthy or unreciprocated, they feel unable to disengage.

This is because limerence functions as a form of affect regulation. The obsession temporarily regulates loneliness, emptiness, or emotional pain. When that regulation is threatened, distress intensifies.

Trying to force the obsession to stop without addressing the underlying nervous system needs often makes it stronger.

Love Regulates. Limerence Dysregulates.

One of the most important distinctions is how each state affects the nervous system.

Limerence:

— Increases anxiety and rumination
— Disrupts sleep and appetite
— Narrows focus and identity
— Amplifies emotional reactivity

Love:

— Supports nervous system balance
— Encourages emotional presence
— Allows flexibility and repair
— Deepens connection without self-loss

This difference is often felt in the body before it is understood cognitively.

A Trauma Informed Reframe

Limerence is not a failure of discernment or self-control. It is a survival strategy that once served a purpose.

When emotional attunement, safety, or consistency were missing early in life, the nervous system adapted. It learned to cling to intensity, fantasy, or intermittent connection as substitutes for secure attachment.

Understanding this reframes limerence as an invitation to heal rather than something to eliminate through willpower.

How Therapy Helps Resolve Limerence

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients work with limerence by addressing its roots rather than its surface behaviors.

Treatment may include:

— Somatic therapy to build nervous system regulation
— EMDR to process attachment and relational trauma
— Parts-based therapy to understand internal dynamics
— Attachment-focused work to develop secure connection
— Psychoeducation grounded in neuroscience

As regulation increases, obsession naturally softens. As safety increases, fantasy becomes less compelling.

From Obsession to Secure Connection

The goal is not to suppress desire or romantic longing. It is to cultivate relationships that support wholeness rather than erode it. When the nervous system learns that connection can be steady, mutual, and safe, limerence loses its grip. Love becomes less dramatic but far more sustaining.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Can Help

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in trauma-informed, attachment-based, neuroscience-grounded therapy for individuals and couples struggling with relational distress, limerence, and intimacy challenges.

Our work integrates:

— Nervous system repair
— Trauma processing
— Attachment healing
— Relational and sexual wellness

We help clients move from obsession to secure connection, from dysregulation to presence, and from longing to relational stability.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Fisher, H. E. (2004). Why we love: The nature and chemistry of romantic love. Henry Holt and Company.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/24/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/24/26

How a Parent’s Compulsive Sexual Behavior Affects Children’s Emotional Well-Being and Family Stability

How does a parent’s compulsive sexual behavior affect children? Learn the emotional, relational, and nervous system impacts on kids and how families can restore safety and stability.

When Adult Struggles Ripple Through the Family

Many parents quietly carry a painful question they are afraid to ask out loud.

Is my child being affected by something they do not fully understand?
Even if they do not know the details, can they feel the tension, secrecy, or instability in our home?

When a parent struggles with compulsive sexual behavior, the impact rarely stays contained within the adult relationship. Children are exquisitely sensitive to emotional shifts, changes in availability, and disruptions in family routines. Even when children are shielded from explicit information, their nervous systems often register that something is wrong.

Understanding how compulsive sexual behavior affects children’s emotional well-being and family stability is not about blame. It is about awareness, repair, and creating the conditions that allow children to feel safe, regulated, and secure.

How Children Experience What They Cannot Fully Name

Children do not need explicit information to experience emotional disruption. From a neuroscience perspective, the developing brain is shaped by patterns of emotional attunement, predictability, and safety.

When a household becomes marked by secrecy, emotional distance, frequent conflict, or parental dysregulation, children often experience this as a loss of stability, even if they cannot articulate why.

Common signs children may be impacted include:

— Increased anxiety or irritability
— Emotional withdrawal or shutdown
— Heightened vigilance to parental moods
— Sleep disturbances or somatic complaints
— Acting out or regressive behaviors
— Difficulty concentrating or self-soothing

These responses are not misbehavior. They are adaptive nervous system responses to an environment that feels unpredictable or emotionally unsafe.

The Nervous System Impact of Chronic Family Stress

From a neurobiological standpoint, children rely on caregivers to help regulate their nervous systems. When a parent is preoccupied with compulsive sexual behavior or when adult partners are caught in cycles of discovery, rupture, and repair attempts, regulation within the household often becomes compromised.

Chronic stress activates the child’s sympathetic nervous system. Over time, this can interfere with:

— Emotional regulation
— Executive functioning
— Secure attachment formation
— Stress recovery

Children may oscillate between hyperarousal and collapse. They may become overly compliant and responsible or emotionally reactive and dysregulated. These patterns are not personality traits. They are survival strategies shaped by the relational environment.

The Role of Secrecy and Emotional Inconsistency

One of the most destabilizing elements for children is not knowing what is wrong while sensing that something is deeply wrong.

Children are intuitive observers. They notice:

— Abrupt changes in parental availability
— Sudden shifts in mood or affection
— Arguments that stop when they enter the room
— One parent withdrawing while the other appears overwhelmed

Secrecy does not protect children from distress. Instead, it often leads children to internalize confusion or self-blame. Many children unconsciously assume responsibility for the household's emotional climate.

When Treatment, Meetings, or Separation Enter the Picture

Recovery efforts such as therapy, treatment programs, or support meetings are necessary and often life-stabilizing for adults. However, without thoughtful integration, these changes can feel disruptive to children.

Parents may wonder:

— How do we explain why one parent is suddenly gone more often?
— What do we say when routines change?
— How much honesty is too much honesty?

Children need context without burden. Age-appropriate explanations that focus on safety, stability, and care are far more protective than silence or oversharing.

For example:

— “One of us is working on getting healthier so our family can feel better.”
— “This is adult work, and there are people helping us.”
— “You did not cause this, and you do not need to fix it.”

The Impact of Parental Conflict on Child Emotional Health

Research consistently shows that ongoing parental conflict is more distressing to children than many parents realize (Nangia, 2023). Even when arguments are not explicit, emotional tension communicates threat to a child’s nervous system.

High conflict environments can contribute to:

     — Attachment insecurity
— Fear of abandonment
    — Difficulty trusting relationships later in life
    — Heightened stress reactivity

Children often cope by becoming emotionally vigilant or by disconnecting from their own needs to maintain peace.

What Actually Helps Protect Children

The most important protective factor for children is not perfection. It is relational repair.

What supports children’s emotional well-being includes:

     — Consistent routines and predictability
    — At least one emotionally available caregiver
    — Reduced exposure to adult conflict
    — Honest, developmentally appropriate communication
    — Supportive therapeutic spaces for the family

From a nervous system lens, safety is built through repetition. Small, consistent experiences of calm presence, reliability, and emotional repair help children regain stability even during family transitions.

What to Tell Children and What Not to Share

Parents often struggle with finding the right language. Too little information can fuel confusion. Too much information can overwhelm.

Helpful guidelines include:

     — Avoid graphic or explicit details
    — Avoid blaming language about either parent
    — Reassure children that adults are addressing adult problems
    — Invite questions and answer simply
    — Emphasize that feelings are welcome

Children benefit from knowing that emotions can be talked about safely and that adults are taking responsibility for restoring stability.

Long-Term Outcomes When Families Address the Impact

When families acknowledge the relational and emotional impact of compulsive sexual behavior and seek support, children demonstrate remarkable resilience.

Early intervention can:

     — Support healthy attachment patterns
    — Reduce long-term anxiety and shame
    — Improve emotional literacy
    — Strengthen family bonds through repair

Healing does not come from pretending nothing happened. It comes from addressing what happened with care, accountability, and nervous system awareness.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Supports Families

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand that compulsive sexual behavior is not only an individual issue. It is a relational and systemic experience that affects partners, children, and the family's emotional fabric.

Our approach integrates:

     — Trauma-informed psychotherapy
    — Attachment-based and somatic modalities
    — Nervous system regulation and repair
    — Relational and intimacy-focused healing

We help families move beyond crisis management toward sustainable emotional safety, improved communication, and restored trust. Our work centers on the well-being of children while supporting adults in taking responsibility for their healing journey.

Accountability Over Perfection

If you are worried about how your child may be affected, that concern itself matters. Awareness is the beginning of repair. Children do not need perfect parents. They need regulated, accountable adults who are willing to name what is happening in ways that foster safety rather than silence.

Support exists for families navigating these challenges. With the right guidance, it is possible to reduce harm, strengthen connection, and restore stability within the family system.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.

Nangia, V. (2023). Crisis of parental conflict: impact on children and families. Horyzonty Wychowania, 22(64), 71-82.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Schore, A. N. (2012). The science of the art of psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/23/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/23/26

Signs of ADHD Burnout: Why Pushing Harder Makes Overwhelm Worse and What Actually Helps

Struggling with ADHD burnout? Learn the early signs, the neuroscience behind ADHD burnout, and how nervous system-informed therapy supports sustainable change.

Signs of ADHD Burnout

If you have ADHD, chances are you were taught some version of this message early on: Try harder. Push through. Apply more discipline.

So when life starts to feel overwhelming, when focus collapses, when motivation disappears, your instinct may be to double down. More effort. More pressure. More self-criticism. And yet, instead of improving, things often get worse.

This is where ADHD burnout comes into play. ADHD burnout is not laziness, failure, or a lack of resilience. It is a state of nervous system overload that develops when the brain and body are asked to operate beyond their capacity.

Understanding the signs of ADHD burnout can help shift the question from “Why can’t I keep up?” to “What needs to change in how I am working and caring for my nervous system?”

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we work with adults who have ADHD and feel exhausted by years of pushing harder instead of working differently. Burnout is not a personal shortcoming. It is a signal.

What Is ADHD Burnout?

ADHD burnout is a state of mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion that occurs when the demands placed on an ADHD nervous system consistently exceed its regulatory capacity.

Unlike situational stress, burnout does not resolve with a weekend off or a short break. It reflects prolonged strain on executive functioning, emotional regulation, and the nervous system.

People with ADHD are especially vulnerable to burnout because they often:

— Use compensatory strategies that require constant effort
— Mask symptoms to meet external expectations
— Rely on urgency and adrenaline to function
— Receive repeated messages that they are underperforming

Over time, these patterns tax the nervous system and erode flexibility.

Why Pushing Harder Backfires With ADHD

From a neuroscience perspective, ADHD is not a motivation problem. It is a regulatory difference involving dopamine pathways, executive function networks, and emotional processing systems.

When overwhelm increases, the ADHD brain does not respond well to increased pressure. Instead:

— Cognitive flexibility decreases
— Emotional reactivity increases
— Task initiation becomes harder
— Shutdown or avoidance becomes more likely

Pushing harder activates threat responses rather than problem-solving. The nervous system shifts into survival mode, where efficiency and creativity are compromised.

This is why many adults with ADHD report that their best strategies stop working just when they need them most.

Common Signs of ADHD Burnout

ADHD burnout often develops gradually. Many people do not recognize it until functioning has significantly declined.

1. Chronic Mental Exhaustion

You feel mentally drained even after rest. Thinking feels effortful. Decision-making becomes overwhelming. Simple tasks require disproportionate energy.

2. Loss of Motivation or Interest

Activities that once felt engaging now feel heavy or meaningless. Motivation does not return even when consequences are high.

3. Increased Executive Dysfunction

Planning, prioritizing, starting tasks, and following through become significantly harder. You may know what needs to be done, but feel unable to initiate.

4. Emotional Volatility or Numbness

You may feel emotionally reactive, irritable, or tearful. Alternatively, you may feel flat, disconnected, or emotionally shut down.

5. Heightened Sensitivity to Stress

Small stressors feel intolerable. Noise, interruptions, or changes in routine feel overwhelming. Recovery time increases.

6. Physical Symptoms

Headaches, muscle tension, gastrointestinal issues, fatigue, sleep disruption, and frequent illness often accompany burnout.

7. Increased Avoidance or Procrastination

Avoidance is not a character flaw. It is a nervous system strategy for reducing overload. Tasks may feel threatening rather than manageable.

8. Shame and Harsh Self-Criticism

Burnout is often accompanied by intense self-blame. You may tell yourself you are failing, lazy, or incapable, which further depletes nervous system resources.

ADHD Burnout Versus Stress or Depression

Many people struggle to distinguish ADHD burnout from anxiety or depression.

While symptoms can overlap, ADHD burnout often includes:

— A history of prolonged overcompensation
— Worsening executive dysfunction rather than sadness alone
— Improvement with nervous system support and environmental changes
— Deep exhaustion tied to cognitive effort rather than mood alone

Accurate understanding matters because treating burnout requires different interventions than treating depression or anxiety in isolation.

The Nervous System and ADHD Burnout

ADHD burnout is fundamentally a nervous system issue.

The ADHD nervous system often relies on high stimulation to engage. Deadlines, novelty, and urgency can temporarily improve focus, but they also increase stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

When this becomes the primary mode of functioning, the nervous system never fully downshifts. Over time, this leads to:

— Reduced stress tolerance
— Impaired emotional regulation
— Decreased access to motivation pathways
— Shutdown responses that resemble apathy or avoidance

Burnout reflects a system that has been running in overdrive for too long.

Why Traditional Advice Often Misses the Mark

Common productivity advice often fails adults with ADHD because it assumes a nervous system that responds well to pressure, structure, and self-discipline.

Suggestions like:

— Just be more organized
— Try harder
— Push through discomfort
— Build better habits

can unintentionally increase shame and reinforce burnout. Without addressing nervous system regulation, these strategies demand more effort from an already depleted system.

What Actually Helps With ADHD Burnout

Recovery from ADHD burnout does not begin with doing more. It begins with adjusting how demands interact with your nervous system.

Nervous System Regulation

Therapy that incorporates somatic awareness, pacing, and regulation helps restore baseline capacity. When the body feels safer, cognitive flexibility improves.

Reducing Cognitive Load

Externalizing tasks, simplifying systems, and reducing unnecessary decisions conserves executive function resources.

Shifting From Urgency to Sustainability

Learning to work with interest, values, and realistic energy cycles reduces reliance on stress-driven motivation.

Addressing Shame

Shame consumes enormous nervous system bandwidth. Compassionate, trauma-informed therapy helps dismantle internalized beliefs that equate worth with productivity.

Relational Support

Burnout often improves when expectations are renegotiated in relationships and work environments. Support reduces masking and overcompensation.

ADHD Burnout and Trauma

Many adults with ADHD also have trauma histories. Chronic invalidation, repeated failure experiences, and relational stress can sensitize the nervous system to threat.

Trauma-informed care recognizes that burnout may reflect both neurodivergence and survival adaptations. Treatment must honor both.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate ADHD informed therapy with trauma and nervous system repair to support lasting change.

A Different Way Forward

If you recognize yourself in these signs, it does not mean you need more discipline. It means your nervous system is asking for a different approach.

When work is adjusted to fit how your brain actually functions, energy begins to return. Focus becomes more accessible. Emotional resilience increases.

Burnout is not a failure signal. It is an invitation to redesign how you live and work.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Can Help

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in working with adults who have ADHD, burnout, trauma, and nervous system dysregulation.

Our approach integrates:

— ADHD-informed psychotherapy
— Trauma-informed care
— Nervous system regulation
— Somatic and relational therapy

We focus on helping clients move from survival-based functioning toward sustainable engagement with life, work, relationships, and intimacy.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Arnsten, A. F. T. (2009). Stress signalling pathways that impair prefrontal cortex structure and function. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 410–422.

2) Brown, T. E. (2013). A new understanding of ADHD in children and adults: Executive function impairments. Routledge.

3) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/22/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/22/26

How Trauma-Based Shame Affects Relationships and Intimacy: Why Connection Feels So Hard

How Trauma-Based Shame Affects Relationships and Intimacy: Why Connection Feels So Hard

Trauma-based shame can sabotage trust and intimacy. Learn how its neurobiology shapes relationships and how therapy can safely soften shame.

How Trauma-Based Shame Affects Relationships and Intimacy

Do you want closeness but feel tense when someone gets close?
Do you anticipate rejection before it happens and then pull away to protect yourself?
Do you rely on avoidance, emotional distance, or self-silencing to manage the pain of wanting connection?

For many people, these patterns are not about fear of intimacy alone. They are driven by trauma-based shame, a deeply ingrained emotional state that shapes how the brain, nervous system, and body respond to relationships.

Trauma-based shame does not simply say, “Something bad happened.” It says, “Something is wrong with me.” When this belief becomes encoded in the nervous system, intimacy can feel dangerous even when love is present.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we see how trauma-based shame quietly governs relational dynamics, sexuality, and emotional safety. Understanding its neurobiology helps explain why connection feels so hard and why compassion and precision are essential for change.

What Is Trauma Based Shame?

Shame is a social emotion designed to protect a sense of belonging. In healthy development, brief experiences of shame help us repair relationships and maintain social bonds. Trauma-based shame, however, forms when early experiences repeatedly communicate that safety, love, or connection are conditional.

This can occur through:

— Chronic emotional neglect
— Childhood abuse or humiliation
— Attachment disruption or inconsistent caregiving
— Sexual trauma or boundary violations
— Experiences of being blamed, silenced, or shamed during vulnerability
Over time, the nervous system learns that closeness leads to danger. Shame becomes the internal alarm system that activates whenever intimacy, dependency, or desire arises.

Why Trauma-Based Shame Makes Trust So Difficult

Trust requires the nervous system to register safety. Trauma-based shame interferes with this process at multiple levels. Shame narrows attention and increases threat sensitivity. The brain scans for signs of rejection, disappointment, or abandonment. Neutral cues are often interpreted as evidence that harm is coming.

This leads many people to ask themselves:

— What if they see the real me?
— What if I am too much or not enough?
— What if closeness exposes something shameful?

To reduce this internal threat, the nervous system often defaults to avoidance strategies such as emotional withdrawal, people pleasing, perfectionism, or self-reliance. These strategies provide short-term relief but reinforce long-term disconnection.

The Neurobiology of Trauma-Based Shame

From a neuroscience perspective, trauma-based shame is not a cognitive choice. It is a state-dependent response rooted in survival circuitry.

Key Brain and Nervous System Processes Involved

The Amygdala

Shame activates the amygdala, the brain’s threat detection center. Intimacy becomes associated with danger, even in the absence of present threat.

The Prefrontal Cortex

Under shame activation, the prefrontal cortex becomes less accessible. This limits perspective, self-compassion, and flexible thinking. Insight alone cannot override this process.

The Autonomic Nervous System

Shame often drives collapse, shutdown, or appeasement responses rather than fight-or-flight responses. These states reduce visibility and emotional exposure.

The Insula

The insula integrates bodily sensations and emotional awareness. Trauma-based shame disrupts interoception, making it difficult to interpret internal signals accurately. The body feels unreliable or unsafe. Together, these processes explain why shame feels so sticky and why it can persist even after years of insight-oriented therapy.

Why Shame Vigilantly Protects Itself

One of the most confusing aspects of trauma-based shame is how fiercely it resists change. This is not because people want to suffer. It is because shame functions as a protective strategy.

Shame believes:

— Visibility equals danger
— Vulnerability invites harm
— Dependency leads to loss
— Desire risks humiliation

As a result, shame actively avoids exposure. It discourages talking about needs. It dismisses reassurance. It mistrusts care. It interprets therapeutic attention as scrutiny rather than support.

This is why people often say:

— Therapy helps intellectually, but nothing shifts emotionally
— I understand my trauma, but still feel defective
— Compliments feel uncomfortable or unsafe

Shame protects itself by remaining hidden. Any intervention that feels corrective, confrontational, or rushed can unintentionally strengthen it.

How Traditional Treatments May Sustain Shame

While many therapeutic approaches are well-intentioned, some can inadvertently deepen shame if they do not account for nervous system state.

Overemphasis on Cognitive Insight

When therapy focuses primarily on challenging beliefs without regulating the body, clients may feel blamed for not improving faster.

Premature Exposure

Encouraging vulnerability or disclosure before safety is established can reinforce the belief that openness leads to harm.

Behavior Focus Without Context

Pressuring clients to change relational behaviors without addressing underlying shame can feel invalidating and coercive.

Pathologizing Language

Framing attachment strategies or avoidance as resistance can activate shame rather than curiosity.

Trauma-based shame requires a pace and approach that honors its protective role while gently updating the nervous system’s expectations.

How Trauma-Based Shame Affects Sexuality and Intimacy

Sexuality often intensifies shame responses because it involves exposure, desire, and bodily sensation. Many people experience:

— Difficulty accessing desire
— Fear of being seen during intimacy
— Dissociation during sex
— Avoidance of physical closeness
— Confusion between safety and arousal

These patterns are not failures of desire. They are adaptive responses shaped by a nervous system that learned intimacy was unsafe.

Healing intimacy requires restoring a sense of bodily agency and emotional safety, not forcing performance or connection.

What Helps Ease Trauma-Based Shame

Change begins when shame is met with regulation before reflection.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate trauma-informed, neuroscience-based, and relational approaches that help clients gradually experience safety in connection

Key Elements of Effective Treatment

Nervous System Regulation

Somatic interventions help reduce threat activation, allowing the brain to process new relational experiences.

Attachment Focused Therapy

Exploring relational patterns with attunement and consistency helps update expectations around closeness.

Parts-Oriented Work

Recognizing shame as a protective part reduces internal conflict and self-blame.

Relational Repair

Experiencing non-judgmental presence within therapy challenges shame’s prediction that exposure leads to harm.

Integration of Body and Mind

When bodily sensations are included, emotional learning becomes possible at a deeper level.

These approaches do not eliminate shame through force. They allow it to soften as safety becomes embodied.

Why Connection Can Become Possible Again

Trauma-based shame did not form overnight, and it does not resolve instantly. But the nervous system can learn new patterns when conditions support it.

As safety increases:

— Trust becomes more accessible
— Avoidance loosens its grip
— Desire and curiosity re-emerge
— Agency and choice return

Connection stops feeling like a threat and begins to feel like a possibility.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Help

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in helping individuals and couples work with trauma-based shame across relationships, sexuality, and intimacy.

Our approach integrates:

— Trauma-informed psychotherapy
— Nervous system repair
— Attachment-based relational work
— Somatic and experiential interventions

We understand that shame is not something to confront aggressively. It is something to approach with patience, precision, and respect for its history.

Presence, Choice, and Mutuality

If connection feels exhausting, risky, or unreachable, the problem is not a lack of effort or desire. Trauma-based shame shapes how the nervous system interprets closeness.

With the proper support, shame does not need to be eradicated. It needs to be understood, regulated, and gradually reassured that connection no longer equals danger.

When that happens, intimacy can become less about survival and more about presence, choice, and mutuality.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Herman, J. L. (2015). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) Schore, A. N. (2012). The science of the art of psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/21/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/21/26

The CBT Triangle Explained: How Thoughts, Emotions, Behaviors, and the Nervous System Keep You Stuck and How Therapy Restores Choice

The CBT Triangle Explained: How Thoughts, Emotions, Behaviors, and the Nervous System Keep You Stuck and How Therapy Restores Choice

Learn how the CBT Triangle explains repeating thought, emotion, and behavior cycles and how nervous system repair restores agency and emotional regulation.

Have you ever thought, I know better, so why do I keep doing this? Or felt frustrated that insight alone does not change your anxiety, habits, or emotional reactions? This is one of the most painful and confusing experiences people bring into therapy. You understand your patterns intellectually, yet you remain caught in the same loops of thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and body-based stress responses.

The CBT Triangle, a core framework in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, offers a powerful explanation for why this happens. It also helps illuminate how change becomes possible when therapy addresses not just thinking patterns, but emotional regulation, behavior, and the nervous system.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate the CBT Triangle with trauma-informed and neuroscience-based approaches to help clients move from automatic survival responses into greater agency, flexibility, and choice.

What Is the CBT Triangle?

The CBT Triangle describes the dynamic relationship between:

— Thoughts (beliefs, interpretations, internal narratives)
— Emotions (felt emotional responses)
— Behaviors (actions, avoidance, coping strategies)

Each point of the triangle influences the others. A thought can trigger an emotion, which drives a behavior, which then reinforces the original thought. Over time, these loops become automatic.

What is often missing from basic explanations is the role of the body and nervous system. Body-based stress responses are not separate from the triangle. They often drive it.

When the nervous system is activated into threat mode, it shapes thoughts, emotions, and behaviors before conscious choice has a chance to emerge.

Why Insight Alone Is Not Enough

Many people feel ashamed that understanding their patterns does not lead to change. This shame often becomes part of the loop.

From a neuroscience perspective, this makes sense. When the brain perceives threat, it prioritizes speed and survival over reflection. The prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for reasoning and decision-making, becomes less accessible. The body takes over.

This is why people can:

— Know a thought is irrational, but still feel consumed by it
— Promise themselves to behave differently and then react automatically
— Feel hijacked by anxiety, shame, or emotional urgency

The CBT Triangle explains what is happening. Trauma-informed therapy explains why.

Core Painful Problems the CBT Triangle Addresses

1. Feeling Stuck in Repeating Patterns Despite Knowing Better

This reflects a disconnect between intention and action. Automatic thought-emotion loops were learned early or reinforced repeatedly. They are efficient, not defective.

2. Harsh Inner Critic and Chronic Self-Blame

Thoughts equating worth with control, discipline, or outcomes often develop as survival strategies. The inner critic seeks safety through perfectionism.

3. Emotional Overwhelm That Leads to Automatic Coping

When emotions feel unsafe or intolerable, behaviors such as avoidance, numbing, scrolling, or overworking become the fastest route to relief.

4. Difficulty Trusting the Body’s Signals

Many clients learned that bodily sensations signaled danger or loss of control. This creates fear of emotion and physical cues rather than curiosity.

5. Anxiety-Driven Decision-Making

Decisions are made from threat mode rather than values. The nervous system seeks certainty and immediate relief, not long-term well-being.

6. All or Nothing Thinking

Perfectionism often emerges as a strategy for predictability. If everything is controlled, nothing can go wrong.

7. Feeling Disconnected From Agency and Choice

Repeated cycles reinforce a learned sense of powerlessness. Over time, people stop trusting their ability to influence outcomes.

8. Body-Based Stress Responses That Override Logic

Physiological activation narrows attention and limits cognitive flexibility. Thoughts become rigid when the body signals danger.

9. Shame Around Needing Support or Tools

Many people internalized the belief that seeking help is a sign of weakness. This belief itself becomes a barrier to change.

10. Fear That Change Requires Control or Deprivation

Past experiences of forced change teach the nervous system that growth equals punishment rather than support.

How the Nervous System Fits Into the CBT Triangle

Traditional CBT focuses on thoughts and behaviors. Modern neuroscience expands this model by emphasizing state-dependent functioning.

When the nervous system is regulated:

— Thoughts are more flexible
— Emotions are tolerable
— Behaviors are chosen rather than reactive

When the nervous system is dysregulated:

— Thoughts become catastrophic or rigid
— Emotions feel urgent or overwhelming
— Behaviors default to survival-based coping

This is why Embodied Wellness and Recovery integrates CBT with somatic therapy, attachment work, and trauma-informed care. Regulation is not a bonus. It is foundational.

Reframing the CBT Triangle Through a Trauma Informed Lens

A trauma-informed CBT Triangle shifts the question from:

What is wrong with my thinking?
to
What is my nervous system protecting me from?

Thoughts are no longer seen as errors. They are adaptations. Emotions are not problems. They are signals. Behaviors are not failures. They are attempts to regulate. This reframe reduces shame and opens the door to sustainable change.

How Therapy Interrupts Reinforcing Loops

Regulating the Body First

When physiological activation decreases, cognitive flexibility increases. Techniques may include grounding, breath work, orienting, or somatic awareness.

Identifying Automatic Thoughts With Compassion

Rather than challenging thoughts aggressively, therapy explores their protective role and updates them gently.

Expanding Emotional Capacity

Clients learn to tolerate emotions without immediately acting on them. Emotional regulation replaces emotional suppression.

Practicing New Behaviors Safely

Behavioral change is introduced in small, supported steps that signal safety rather than threat.

Restoring Agency and Choice

As loops loosen, clients experience themselves as active participants rather than victims of their reactions.

The CBT Triangle in Relationships and Intimacy

Relational dynamics often amplify CBT loops. A thought such as I am too much triggers shame, which leads to withdrawal, reinforcing disconnection.

In intimacy and sexuality, body-based stress responses can override desire and choice. Therapy helps clients recognize when reactions are rooted in past threat rather than present reality.

Couples work often involves mapping each partner’s CBT Triangle and nervous system patterns to reduce blame and increase mutual understanding.

Why the CBT Triangle Is a Tool, Not a Test

The CBT Triangle is not about getting it right. It is a map, not a measure of success.

Using it effectively means:

— Noticing patterns without judgment
— Understanding the role of the nervous system
— Allowing change to emerge through support, not force

Change does not require control or deprivation. It requires safety, curiosity, and repetition in new conditions.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Works With the CBT Triangle

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we use the CBT Triangle as part of an integrative approach that includes:

— Trauma-informed CBT
— Somatic and nervous system-based therapy
— Attachment-focused relational work
— EMDR and parts-oriented interventions

Our goal is not to eliminate thoughts or emotions, but to restore choice, flexibility, and trust in the body.

Sustainable Change

If you have felt stuck despite insight, exhausted by self-blame, or overridden by anxiety and bodily stress responses, the problem is not a lack of effort.

The CBT Triangle helps explain how intelligent, capable people become caught in reinforcing loops. Neuroscience explains how those loops were learned. Therapy offers a way to update them with compassion and precision.

When thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and the nervous system are addressed together, change becomes not only possible but sustainable.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond. Guilford Press.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) Siegel, D. J. (2020). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/20/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/20/26

The 31 Types of Happiness: Expanding How We Experience Joy Beyond Feeling “Happy”

Happiness is more than joy. Discover the 31 types of happiness and how peace, relief, and meaning support emotional well-being and resilience.

Do you ever wonder why happiness feels so elusive, even when life looks objectively “fine”?

Why moments of peace, relief, or quiet satisfaction do not always register as happiness?

Or why the pressure to feel joyful can actually deepen exhaustion, monotony, or negative thinking?

Many people struggle not because happiness is absent, but because it is narrowly defined. When happiness is measured solely in terms of excitement, pleasure, or positivity, much of the emotional richness of human experience is overlooked.

Recent psychological research suggests that happiness is not a single emotion, but a constellation of distinct emotional states (Rossi, 2018). Some researchers identify 31 different types of happiness, each reflecting a unique way the nervous system experiences safety, meaning, or pleasure (Porges,2022). When we expand how we define happiness, it becomes more accessible, realistic, and emotionally sustainable (O’Brien, 2008).

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help individuals and couples reconnect with joy by understanding how trauma, stress, and nervous system dysregulation shape emotional experience, and by broadening the ways happiness can be felt, noticed, and embodied.

Why We Struggle to Feel Happy

Searches like why am I not happy, why life feels monotonous, and why can’t I feel joy are increasingly common. Many people describe a sense of emotional flatness, boredom, or quiet dissatisfaction rather than acute distress.

This often stems from:

— Chronic stress or burnout
— Trauma or prolonged nervous system activation
— Depression or anhedonia
— Cultural pressure to feel happy all the time
— Narrow definitions of what happiness should look like

From a neuroscience perspective, happiness is closely tied to the regulation of the nervous system. When the brain is in a state of threat, overwhelm, or emotional fatigue, high arousal joy may feel inaccessible. However, lower arousal forms of happiness often remain available but go unrecognized.

Expanding the Definition of Happiness

Traditional views of happiness emphasize pleasure, excitement, or achievement. While these forms of happiness matter, they account for only a small part of how humans experience well-being.

Researchers and psychologists have identified 31 distinct types of happiness, ranging from high-energy joy to quiet, reflective, or restorative states. Some forms of happiness are fleeting, while others are deeply stabilizing.

When happiness is expanded beyond constant positivity, people often realize they experience it far more often than they thought.

The 31 Types of Happiness

Below is a framework that organizes different forms of happiness across emotional, relational, and somatic experiences. Not all types are available at all times, and that is part of their wisdom.

Restorative and Regulating Happiness

These forms are especially accessible during stress, grief, or recovery.

1) Contentment – a sense of enoughness

2) Relief – release after tension or fear

3) Peacefulness – nervous system calm

4) Safety – feeling protected and grounded

5) Ease – absence of urgency

6) Comfort – physical or emotional soothing

7) Stability – predictability and steadiness

Reflective and Meaning-Based Happiness

These forms deepen emotional resilience and identity.

1) Gratitude – appreciation without comparison

2) Meaning – connection to purpose

3) Belonging – being accepted as you are

4) Connection – emotional attunement with others

5) Nostalgia – warmth tied to memory

6) Pride – grounded self-respect

7) Fulfillment – alignment with values

Playful and Energizing Happiness

These forms often come in brief, spontaneous moments.

1) Amusement – lighthearted enjoyment

2) Playfulness – creativity and spontaneity

3) Joy – expansive positive emotion

4) Excitement – anticipation and novelty

5) Wonder – awe and curiosity

6) Delight – sensory pleasure

Relational and Intimate Happiness

These forms are central to sexuality, intimacy, and attachment.

1) Affection – warmth toward others

2) Love – emotional and relational bonding

3) Tenderness – gentle closeness

4) Trust – emotional safety with another

5) Erotic aliveness – embodied pleasure and desire

Self-Based and Integrative Happiness

These forms support long-term well-being.

1) Self-acceptance – peace with who you are

2) Autonomy – freedom and agency

3) Confidence – embodied self-trust

4) Hope – openness toward the future

5) Vitality – aliveness in the body

6) Integration – feeling whole rather than fragmented

Why Some Types of Happiness Are More Accessible Than Others

The nervous system determines which types of happiness are available at any given time. High arousal joy requires energy, safety, and emotional bandwidth. During periods of stress, grief, or trauma recovery, the nervous system may prioritize regulation over excitement.

This is not a failure. It is an adaptation.

For example:

— Someone experiencing burnout may find relief or contentment more accessible than joy
— Someone healing from trauma may experience safety and connection before excitement
— Someone struggling with depression may notice comfort or nostalgia before pleasure

Recognizing these forms as valid happiness reduces shame and expands emotional awareness.

Measuring Happiness Shapes How Much We Experience

One of the most important insights from happiness research is that the amount of happiness we experience is often based on how we measure it (Frey, 2018).

If happiness is defined only as:

— Feeling upbeat
— Being productive
— Feeling excited
— Feeling positive

Then, many meaningful emotional experiences are excluded.

When happiness is expanded to include calm, meaning, connection, and relief, people often discover that happiness is present more frequently, even in quiet or ordinary moments.

Trauma, Negative Thinking, and Emotional Narrowing

Trauma and chronic stress can narrow emotional range. The brain becomes vigilant, prioritizing threat detection over emotional nuance. This can lead to negative thinking patterns and difficulty recognizing subtle positive states.

Somatic and trauma-informed therapy helps by:

— Regulating the nervous system
— Expanding interoceptive awareness
— Increasing emotional granularity
— Helping clients notice small shifts in state

When emotional awareness widens, happiness becomes easier to recognize without forcing it. Relearning Happiness Through the Body Happiness is not only cognitive. It is embodied.

The body often experiences happiness before the mind labels it. A slower breath, relaxed shoulders, warmth in the chest, or a softening of the jaw may signal contentment or peace.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate somatic therapy, attachment-based work, and neuroscience-informed interventions to help clients reconnect with embodied happiness, especially when joy feels distant.

Practical Ways to Expand Your Experience of Happiness

        — Notice low intensity positive states such as relief or ease
    — Name different types of happiness when they appear
   — Release comparison between your happiness and others
    — Allow happiness to be quiet and non-performative
     — Track how your body signals safety or comfort

Over time, this practice shifts attention away from what is missing and toward what is already present.

A Spectrum of Experiences

Happiness is not a single emotion or permanent state. It is a spectrum of experiences shaped by nervous system regulation, meaning, connection, and embodiment.

When we expand how we define happiness, it becomes more accessible, compassionate, and sustainable, especially during seasons of monotony, healing, or emotional fatigue.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help individuals and couples rediscover happiness by honoring all the ways it can show up, including peace, relief, intimacy, and meaning.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218–226.

Frey, B. S. (2018). Happiness can be measured. In Economics of happiness (pp. 5-11). Cham: Springer International Publishing.

Friedman, S. (2026, January 17). The Society of Happy People is hunting for happiness all week long participate in the daily challenges. Nice News.

O'Brien, C. (2008). Sustainable happiness: How happiness studies can contribute to a more sustainable future. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie canadienne, 49(4), 289.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Porges, S. W. (2022). Polyvagal theory: A science of safety. Frontiers in integrative neuroscience, 16, 871227.

Rossi, M. (2018). Happiness, pleasures, and emotions. Philosophical Psychology, 31(6), 898-919.

Siegel, D. J. (2020). The developing mind. Guilford Press.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/19/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/19/26

Why We Reach for Our Phones When We’re Overwhelmed: How Compulsive Technology Use Regulates the Nervous System

Why We Reach for Our Phones When We’re Overwhelmed: How Compulsive Technology Use Regulates the Nervous System

Why do we reach for our phones when stressed or anxious? Explore how compulsive technology use serves as emotional regulation and what the nervous system seeks.

Compulsive Technology Use as Emotional Regulation

Have you ever noticed how quickly your hand reaches for your phone when you feel stressed, anxious, lonely, or emotionally flooded? Do you scroll without meaning to, check notifications compulsively, or lose time online when your nervous system feels overwhelmed? Do you tell yourself to stop, yet feel pulled back moments later?

For many people, compulsive phone use is not about distraction, lack of discipline, or technology addiction alone. It is about regulation. More specifically, it is about the nervous system searching for relief.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand compulsive technology use through a trauma-informed, neuroscience-based lens. What often appears to be a bad habit is actually a sophisticated attempt by the brain and body to manage stress, emotion, and threat. This article explores why we reach for our phones when we are overwhelmed, how technology serves as emotional regulation, and how therapy can support more sustainable nervous system repair.

Compulsive Technology Use Is Not Random

People frequently search online for answers to questions like:

— Why do I scroll when I feel anxious or numb?
— Why does my phone calm me down temporarily?
— Is doomscrolling a trauma response?
— Why can’t I stop checking my phone when stressed?

These questions point to a deeper truth. Compulsive technology use is often an unconscious coping strategy. When the nervous system perceives threat, overwhelm, or emotional intensity, it looks for something fast, predictable, and soothing. Phones deliver exactly that.

From a neuroscience perspective, technology offers immediate access to stimulation, novelty, and social cues. These elements can shift brain chemistry and autonomic arousal in seconds.

The Nervous System Under Stress

When we are overwhelmed, the nervous system becomes dysregulated. The sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system activates, increasing heart rate, muscle tension, vigilance, and anxiety. For others, the system shifts toward dorsal vagal shutdown, leading to numbness, fog, or disconnection.

In either state, the body is not at ease.

The brain’s primary goal in these moments is not insight or long-term growth. It is survival. The nervous system seeks anything that can quickly reduce distress.

Phones provide:

— Rapid dopamine release
— Distraction from internal sensation
— A sense of connection without vulnerability
— Predictability and control
— Relief from boredom, loneliness, or uncertainty

This is why telling yourself to just put the phone down rarely works. The behavior is serving a regulatory function.

Dopamine, Relief, and the Regulation Loop

Dopamine is often described as the pleasure chemical, but it is more accurately a motivation and anticipation neurotransmitter. Novelty, scrolling, notifications, and content refreshes all activate dopamine pathways in the brain.

When you are anxious or emotionally overloaded, a brief dopamine surge can feel grounding. It shifts attention outward and dampens distress. For a moment, the nervous system settles.

The problem is not the initial relief. The problem is that the relief is short-lived.

As dopamine levels drop, the nervous system often returns to dysregulation, sometimes more intensely. This creates a loop:

— Distress or overwhelm
— Phone use
— Temporary relief
— Emotional crash
— Renewed urge to scroll

Over time, the nervous system learns that the phone is a reliable regulator. The behavior becomes compulsive, not because of weakness, but because the body has learned a fast path to relief.

Technology as a Form of Dissociation

For many people, compulsive phone use also functions as a mild form of dissociation. Dissociation is not always dramatic or obvious. It often shows up as checking out, zoning out, or disconnecting from internal experience.

Scrolling allows the mind to leave the body. It pulls attention away from uncomfortable sensations, emotions, or relational tension. This can be especially appealing for individuals with trauma histories, attachment wounds, or chronic stress.

If stillness feels unsafe, silence feels loud, or emotions feel unmanageable, the phone becomes a portable escape hatch.

Trauma, Attachment, and Compulsive Phone Use

Early attachment experiences shape how we learn to regulate emotion. When caregivers are emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or overwhelming, children often learn to self-regulate through external means rather than through co-regulation.

Later in life, technology can fill that role.

Phones offer:

— Simulated connection without relational risk
— Control over proximity and engagement
— Relief from abandonment anxiety
— A buffer against intimacy or emotional exposure

This is why compulsive technology use often intensifies during relational stress, conflict, or loneliness. The nervous system reaches for something that feels safer than human connection, even as it longs for connection.

Why Willpower Is Not Enough

Many people feel shame about their technology use. They set limits, delete apps, or promise themselves to stop scrolling, only to feel frustrated when the behavior returns.

This approach misses the point.

If compulsive phone use is regulating the nervous system, removing the behavior without replacing the regulation will increase distress. The nervous system will simply search for another outlet.

Sustainable change begins by understanding what the behavior is doing for you.

Questions Worth Asking Instead

Rather than asking:

— Why can’t I stop?
— What is wrong with me?

It is more helpful to ask:

— What am I trying to regulate right now?
— What emotion or sensation feels intolerable in this moment?
— What does my nervous system need that I am not getting?

These questions shift the focus from control to curiosity.

How Therapy Supports Nervous System Repair

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients understand compulsive behaviors as adaptations rather than pathologies. Treatment focuses on expanding the nervous system’s capacity to regulate without relying solely on external stimuli.

This may include:

— Somatic therapy to build awareness of bodily sensation
— Trauma-focused modalities such as EMDR
— Attachment-focused therapy to repair relational wounds
— Parts-based approaches to understand internal dynamics
— Psychoeducation grounded in neuroscience

Rather than abruptly removing coping strategies, therapy helps clients develop additional regulation strategies. Over time, the nervous system learns that it can tolerate discomfort, connection, and stillness with greater ease.

Technology, Relationships, and Intimacy

Compulsive phone use often impacts relationships and intimacy. Partners may feel disconnected, dismissed, or secondary to screens. Individuals may struggle to stay present during emotional conversations or sexual connection.

These patterns are not signs of indifference. They are signs of nervous system overload.

When the body is regulated, presence becomes possible. When regulation is outsourced to technology, intimacy often suffers.

Therapy helps individuals and couples understand these dynamics without blame and build healthier patterns of connection.

A Compassionate Reframe

Compulsive technology use is not a moral failing. It is a nervous system strategy.

The goal is not to eliminate technology, but to understand its role and reduce reliance on it as the primary regulator. With support, the nervous system can learn new ways to settle, connect, and feel safe.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Can Help

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in trauma-informed, neuroscience-based care that addresses the root causes of nervous system dysregulation. Our work integrates somatic therapy, EMDR, attachment repair, and relational healing to support lasting change.

We help clients:

— Understand compulsive behaviors through a nervous system lens
— Build internal regulation capacity
— Repair attachment and relational wounds
— Improve intimacy and emotional presence
— Develop sustainable coping strategies rooted in the body

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

2) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

3) Volkow, N. D., Koob, G. F., & McLellan, A. T. (2016). Neurobiological advances from the brain disease model of addiction. The New England Journal of Medicine, 374(4), 363–371.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/18/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/18/26

How to Maintain Independence in a Relationship Without Losing Emotional Connection

Struggling to stay yourself in a relationship? Learn how emotional independence and closeness can coexist through neuroscience-informed therapy.

Have you ever wondered where you went after entering a relationship? Or felt anxious that asking for space might threaten the bond you value so deeply?

Many people struggle with a painful internal conflict: the desire to maintain independence in a relationship while also longing for emotional closeness. You may want autonomy, personal interests, and a strong sense of self, yet fear that too much independence could create distance, rejection, or disconnection.

This tension is not a failure of commitment. It is a deeply human nervous system dilemma rooted in attachment, trauma history, and how safety and connection are wired in the brain.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help individuals and couples understand how independence and intimacy are not opposites. When supported by nervous system regulation and healthy boundaries, autonomy can actually strengthen emotional connection.

Why Independence in Relationships Feels So Complicated

Do you find yourself wondering how to maintain independence in a relationship or how to stay yourself when falling in love? These questions are not uncommon, as many people feel overwhelmed by relational expectations.

Common struggles include:

— Feeling guilty for needing space or alone time
— Fear that asserting independence will hurt your partner
— Losing touch with personal interests, friendships, or identity
— Becoming overly focused on your partner’s emotional state
— Feeling responsible for maintaining closeness at all costs

These experiences often emerge not from selfishness, but from attachment patterns shaped by early relationships and past trauma.

The Neuroscience Behind Autonomy and Connection

From a neuroscience perspective, the brain is constantly assessing safety in relationships. Emotional closeness activates attachment systems that help us bond, while independence activates self-regulation and agency.

When the nervous system is regulated, these systems work together. When it is dysregulated, they can feel at odds.

Research in attachment theory and interpersonal neurobiology shows that:

— Secure attachment allows individuals to move fluidly between closeness and autonomy
— Dysregulated nervous systems may equate distance with danger or engulfment with loss of self
— Early caregiving experiences shape how safety, closeness, and independence are interpreted

For example:

— Anxiously attached individuals may fear that independence means abandonment
— Avoidantly attached individuals may fear that closeness threatens autonomy
— Trauma survivors may associate dependence with loss of control or harm

Understanding this biology helps reframe independence not as rejection, but as a nervous system need.

Independence Does Not Mean Emotional Distance

One of the most common misconceptions is that independence equals disconnection. In reality, healthy independence supports intimacy by allowing both partners to show up as whole people rather than fused or depleted.

Independence in a relationship can look like:

      — Maintaining friendships and interests outside the partnership
   — Having emotional boundaries around responsibility for each other’s feelings
   — Being able to self-soothe rather than relying solely on your partner
   — Expressing preferences, needs, and values honestly
   — Allowing differences without interpreting them as threats

When both partners feel free to be themselves, emotional connection becomes more authentic and resilient.

The Role of Differentiation in Healthy Relationships

Psychologist Murray Bowen described differentiation as the ability to remain emotionally connected while maintaining a strong sense of self.

Highly differentiated individuals can:

— Stay present during conflict without collapsing or withdrawing
— Hold their own opinions while respecting their partner’s perspective
— Regulate emotions without demanding immediate reassurance
— Tolerate closeness without losing identity

Low differentiation often shows up as:

       — Overfunctioning or caretaking
   — Emotional fusion
  — Fear of conflict or abandonment
    — Difficulty making independent decisions

Therapy helps strengthen differentiation by supporting nervous system regulation and self-awareness.

How Trauma Impacts Independence and Intimacy

Trauma complicates autonomy because it disrupts internal safety. For trauma survivors, independence may have been necessary for survival, or closeness may have come with unpredictability or harm.

This can create patterns such as:

     — Hyper independence paired with emotional distance
   — Intense closeness followed by withdrawal
  — Difficulty trusting your own needs
  — Shame around wanting space or connection

Trauma-informed therapy does not push independence or closeness. Instead, it helps the body learn that both can exist safely at the same time.

Practical Ways to Maintain Independence Without Losing Connection

1. Build Nervous System Awareness

Notice when your desire for space comes from regulation versus avoidance, and when your desire for closeness comes from connection versus anxiety.

Somatic therapy helps you track these cues in the body rather than relying solely on thoughts.

2. Normalize Autonomy as a Relationship Strength

Talk openly with your partner about independence as something that benefits the relationship rather than threatens it.

Language matters. Independence can be framed as:

      — Supporting mutual growth
   — Preventing resentment
   — Allowing desire and curiosity to stay alive

3. Practice Emotional Responsibility

Emotional independence does not mean emotional isolation. It means learning to regulate your own feelings rather than outsourcing that work entirely to your partner.

This reduces pressure and increases safety for both people.

4. Maintain Identity Anchors

Keep regular contact with the parts of your life that existed before the relationship:

      — Friendships
   — Creative pursuits
  — Professional goals
   — Spiritual or reflective practices

These anchors support self-continuity and prevent identity erosion.

5. Use Boundaries as Connection Tools

Boundaries are not walls. They clarify where you end, and your partner begins, which actually supports intimacy.

Healthy boundaries help relationships feel safer and more sustainable over time.

Independence, Desire, and Sexual Intimacy

In long term relationships, desire often fades when individuality disappears. Erotic connection thrives on curiosity, difference, and self-possession.

Research in sexuality and attachment shows that:

— Desire increases when partners feel autonomous and emotionally secure
— Over-enmeshment can reduce erotic charge
— Emotional safety supports vulnerability and pleasure

Maintaining independence allows partners to meet each other not as extensions, but as distinct people choosing connection.

How Therapy Helps Restore Balance

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we approach independence and intimacy through a trauma-informed, neuroscience-based lens.

Therapy may include:

      — Somatic and nervous system regulation skills
   — Attachment-focused couples therapy
— EMDR and trauma processing
— Parts work to explore conflicting needs for closeness and space
   — Communication tools that support differentiation

Our work helps individuals and couples move beyond rigid patterns into flexible, embodied connection.

When Independence and Connection Work Together

Healthy relationships are not about choosing between autonomy and closeness. They are about developing the capacity to hold both.

When independence is supported:

      — Emotional connection deepens
   — Resentment decreases
  — Desire becomes more sustainable
   — Conflict becomes less threatening
   — Partners feel chosen rather than obligated

This balance is learnable, especially when guided by therapy that understands the nervous system and relational trauma.

Needs Can Coexist

Wanting independence does not mean you love your partner less. Wanting closeness does not mean you lack strength.

These needs coexist in every healthy relationship. When the nervous system feels safe, independence and intimacy stop competing and begin supporting each other.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in helping individuals cultivate this balance through compassionate, neuroscience-informed care that honors trauma history, nervous system health, sexuality, and emotional connection.

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, relationship experts, trauma specialists, or somatic practitioners, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self regulation. W W Norton and Company.

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/17/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/17/26

Why Warm Hugs Are So Powerful: The Neuroscience of Touch, Safety, and Emotional Regulation

Jan 16

Written By Lauren Dummit-Schock

New neuroscience explains why warm hugs feel so regulating. Learn how touch, temperature, and safety support emotional regulation and body awareness.

When was the last time you received a hug that felt truly grounding? Not rushed. Not polite. But warm, steady, and enveloping. The kind that settles your breath and softens something inside.

Many people know intuitively that hugs are good for mental health. Research has long linked affectionate touch with lower stress, improved mood, and greater emotional resilience (Burleson & Davis, 2013). What newer neuroscience research helps explain is why certain hugs feel profoundly regulating, especially warm ones (Morrison, 2016).

Warmth is not just comforting. It is one of the brain’s earliest signals of safety, protection, and belonging. New findings suggest that warm touch does more than soothe emotion. It strengthens our sense of body ownership, our felt sense of being inside ourselves, which supports emotional regulation, grounding, and connection (Rhoads et al., 2025).

For individuals experiencing touch deprivation, trauma, or chronic stress, this research offers both validation and direction. It points toward sensory-based interventions that support nervous system repair and embodied healing.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate this emerging neuroscience into trauma-informed therapy for individuals and couples navigating issues around safety, intimacy, sexuality, and connection.

Touch Deprivation and the Modern Nervous System

Many people today experience significant touch deprivation, even in relationships. Work from home culture, digital connection, chronic stress, and unresolved trauma have all contributed to reduced safe physical contact.

You might notice signs such as:

— Feeling disconnected from your body
— Difficulty relaxing even when things are going well
— Longing for closeness while also feeling guarded
— Feeling emotionally flat or ungrounded
— Discomfort with touch despite craving connection

These experiences are not personality flaws. They reflect a nervous system that has learned to survive without consistent tactile signals of safety.

Human beings are wired for contact. Long before language develops, the nervous system learns through temperature, pressure, and proximity. Touch is not optional for regulation. It enhances our ability to feel real, present, and connected.

Warmth as One of Our Most Ancient Safety Signals

Temperature is one of the earliest senses to develop. In the womb, warmth signals safety. After birth, warmth accompanies feeding, holding, and caregiving. Over time, the brain links warmth with protection, bonding, and regulation.

Neuroscience shows that warm touch activates brain regions involved in:

— Emotional regulation
— Interoception, or the ability to sense internal states
— Attachment and bonding
— Body ownership and self-awareness

Recent research suggests that warm hugs enhance the brain’s integration of sensory information, helping individuals feel more securely located in their bodies. This sense of body ownership supports grounding, emotional clarity, and presence (Rhoads et al., 2025).

In other words, a warm embrace does not just feel nice. It helps the nervous system answer a fundamental question: Am I safe here?

What Is Body Ownership and Why It Matters

Body ownership refers to the brain’s ability to recognize the body as one’s own. It is the felt sense of inhabiting your own body.

When body ownership is strong, people often report:

— Feeling grounded and present
— Greater emotional clarity
— Improved capacity to tolerate stress
— Easier access to pleasure and intimacy
— A stronger sense of identity and self-continuity

When body ownership is disrupted, as is common in trauma and dissociation, people may feel detached, numb, or unreal. Emotional regulation becomes more difficult because the nervous system lacks a stable internal reference point.

Research shows that a warm touch enhances the ability to sense internal signals, such as heartbeat, breath, and emotion. This internal sensing helps anchor the mind in the body (Sciandra, n.d.).

For individuals who struggle with dissociation or chronic anxiety, this is especially meaningful. Feeling oneself from the inside is foundational to mental health.

Why Trauma Complicates Touch

For many people with trauma histories, touch is complex. The nervous system may associate closeness with danger rather than safety.

This can show up as:

     — Tensing or freezing when touched
  — Feeling overwhelmed by physical closeness
   — Conflicting desires for intimacy and distance
   — Shame or confusion around touch needs
   — Difficulty trusting bodily signals

Trauma-informed therapy does not force touch. Instead, it helps the nervous system relearn safety gradually through choice, pacing, and attunement.

Understanding the role of warmth and safe contact allows therapy to incorporate sensory-based interventions that respect boundaries while supporting regulation.

The Neuroscience of Warm Hugs and Emotional Regulation

Warm touch engages the parasympathetic nervous system, particularly pathways associated with social engagement. This system supports:

— Slower heart rate
— Deeper breathing
— Reduced cortisol
— Increased oxytocin release

Oxytocin plays a key role in bonding, trust, and emotional soothing. Warmth enhances oxytocin’s effects by reinforcing the brain’s association between temperature and safety.

Studies suggest that warm touch strengthens body ownership, thereby improving emotional regulation. They can sense emotions without becoming overwhelmed and remain present rather than dissociating (Price & Hooven, 2018).

This has important implications for mental health care, especially for conditions involving anxiety, trauma, attachment wounds, and intimacy difficulties.

Implications for Therapy and Mental Health Care

The findings around warm touch and body ownership point toward sensory-based interventions that support healing at the nervous system level.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, this translates into approaches such as:

— Somatic therapy that builds interoceptive awareness
— Trauma-informed EMDR and parts work
— Guided resourcing exercises that use warmth imagery
— Attachment-focused therapy for couples
— Psychoeducation around touch and nervous system safety

For couples, understanding the role of warmth can transform intimacy. A warm embrace held with attunement can become a powerful regulating ritual rather than a source of pressure or misattunement.

For individuals healing from trauma, learning to experience warmth safely can support reconnection with the body over time.

Addressing Touch Deprivation with Compassion

If you find yourself longing for touch but unsure how to access it safely, that longing itself is meaningful. It reflects a nervous system seeking regulation and connection.

Therapy offers a space to explore questions such as:

— What does safety feel like in my body?
— How does my nervous system respond to closeness?
— What boundaries help me stay present?
— How can I rebuild trust in physical connection?

Touch deprivation is not resolved through willpower. It requires understanding, pacing, and education on the nervous system.

Why This Research Matters for Relationships and Intimacy

Intimacy is not only emotional or sexual. It is sensory. Warmth, proximity, and pressure all communicate safety or threat to the nervous system.

When partners struggle with mismatched touch needs, misunderstanding often follows. One partner may crave closeness while the other feels overwhelmed. Neuroscience helps reframe these dynamics not as rejection but as differing nervous system states.

Learning how warmth and touch affect regulation allows couples to develop new forms of connection that feel safer and more fulfilling for both people.

A Gentle Path Forward

Warm hugs remind us of something deeply human. Safety is felt, not argued. Regulation emerges through connection, not control.

As neuroscience continues to illuminate the roles of touch, temperature, and body ownership, mental health care is evolving toward approaches that honor the body's wisdom.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate these insights into trauma-informed, neuroscience-based therapy that supports nervous system repair, relational healing, sexuality, and intimacy.

Feeling grounded in yourself is not a luxury. It is a biological need.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Burleson, M. H., & Davis, M. C. (2013). Social touch and resilience. In The Resilience Handbook (pp. 131-143). Routledge.

2) Crucianelli, L., Metcalf, N. K., Fotopoulou, A., and Jenkinson, P. M. (2013). Bodily pleasure matters. Velocity of touch modulates body ownership during the rubber hand illusion. Frontiers in Psychology, 4, 703.

3) Gallace, A., and Spence, C. (2010). The science of interpersonal touch. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 34(2), 246 to 259.

4) M5) orrison, I. (2016). Keep calm and cuddle on: social touch as a stress buffer. Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology, 2(4), 344-362.

5) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W W Norton and Company.

6) Price, C. J., & Hooven, C. (2018). Interoceptive awareness skills for emotion regulation: Theory and approach of mindful awareness in body-oriented therapy (MABT). Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 798.

7) Rhoads Ph D CZB, M., Murphy, M. A., Behrens, P. T., CZB, M. L., Salvo, P. T., CZB, R., ... & CZB, D. (2025). Grounded in Touch: The Science Behind Anxiety Relief and Human Connection. Journal of Transformative Touch, 4(1), 1.

8) Sciandra, F. Embodied Wisdom: An Exploration of Interoception.

Dissociative Identity Disorder vs Personality Disorders: </span>How Trauma, Dissociation, and Misdiagnosis Shape Mental Health

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/16/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/16/26

Dissociative Identity Disorder vs Personality Disorders: How Trauma, Dissociation, and Misdiagnosis Shape Mental Health

Explore the differences and shared symptoms between Dissociative Identity Disorder and personality disorders, how trauma shapes both, and how therapy supports nervous system repair.

Understanding Overlapping Symptoms, Diagnostic Differences, and Trauma-Based Roots

If you have ever wondered why your inner world feels fragmented, emotionally intense, or unpredictable, you are not alone in asking difficult questions. Do you struggle with dissociation, emotional shifts, identity confusion, or relationship instability? Have clinicians debated whether your symptoms reflect Dissociative Identity Disorder or a personality disorder? Do you sense that unresolved trauma lives in your body, shaping how you think, feel, and connect?

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and personality disorders are often misunderstood, frequently misdiagnosed, and sometimes confused with one another. While they are distinct clinical conditions, they share overlapping symptoms that can leave clients feeling mislabeled, misunderstood, or pathologized rather than supported.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we take a trauma-informed, nervous system-focused approach to understanding both DID and personality disorders. This article explores the differences and shared features between these diagnoses through a neuroscience-based lens, emphasizing compassion, accuracy, and effective treatment.

What Is Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Dissociative Identity Disorder is a trauma-related dissociative condition that develops in response to overwhelming, chronic childhood trauma. The nervous system adapts by compartmentalizing experience, resulting in distinct self-states or identity parts.

Core features of DID include:

— Recurrent dissociation and depersonalization
— Identity fragmentation or distinct parts with their own emotional states, memories, and roles
— Gaps in memory that go beyond ordinary forgetfulness
— A sense of internal multiplicity rather than a single cohesive identity

From a neuroscience perspective, DID reflects adaptive survival responses within the brain. When early trauma overwhelms a developing nervous system, the brain organizes experience into separate neural networks. These networks may not integrate automatically, resulting in dissociated self-states that emerge under stress.

DID is not a personality disorder. It is a trauma-based dissociative condition rooted in early attachment disruption and chronic threat.

What Are Personality Disorders?

Personality disorders are characterized by enduring patterns of inner experience and behavior that deviate from cultural expectations and cause distress or relational difficulties. Common personality disorders that are often confused with DID include borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and avoidant personality disorder.

Common features may include:

     — Emotional dysregulation
— Intense or unstable relationships
   — Identity disturbance or low self-concept
— Impulsivity or rigid coping strategies
   — Fear of abandonment or rejection

From a trauma-informed standpoint, many personality disorder traits represent nervous system adaptations to unsafe early environments. These adaptations become ingrained over time, shaping relational patterns, emotional responses, and self-perception.

Why Are DID and Personality Disorders Often Confused?

The overlap between dissociative symptoms and personality traits can complicate diagnosis. Many individuals with DID have been previously diagnosed with a personality disorder, particularly borderline personality disorder. This is often due to shared outward behaviors rather than an understanding of underlying mechanisms.

Shared symptoms may include:

— Emotional intensity and rapid shifts in mood
— Identity confusion or an unstable sense of self
— Dissociation during stress or relational conflict
— Self-harm behaviors or impulsive coping
— Chronic shame and relational fear

The key difference lies in internal organization. DID involves distinct dissociative parts that hold specific trauma responses, memories, or roles. Personality disorders reflect a more unified but dysregulated personality structure shaped by trauma and attachment wounds.

Key Differences Between DID and Personality Disorders

1. Internal Structure

DID is characterized by separate self-states that function independently at times. Personality disorders involve a single identity with maladaptive relational patterns.

2. Dissociation

While dissociation can occur in personality disorders, it is central and pervasive in DID. Memory gaps and internal switching are core features of DID.

3. Developmental Timing

DID emerges from chronic trauma during early childhood, typically before age nine. Personality disorders develop over time through repeated relational and environmental stressors.

4. Relationship to Trauma

All dissociative disorders are trauma-based. Many personality disorders are also trauma-related, but trauma is not always emphasized in traditional diagnostic models.

The Role of the Nervous System and the Brain

Neuroscience helps clarify why these conditions overlap. Trauma impacts the brain’s ability to integrate memory, emotion, and bodily sensation. The amygdala becomes hyperreactive, the prefrontal cortex struggles with regulation, and the autonomic nervous system remains locked in survival states.

In DID, trauma disrupts integration across neural networks, leading to dissociative compartmentalization. In personality disorders, trauma shapes chronic patterns of emotional reactivity and interpersonal defense.

Both conditions reflect nervous system adaptations, not character flaws.

How Dissociation Shows Up in Daily Life

Clients often ask:

— Why do I feel like different parts of me take over in relationships?
— Why do I disconnect or go numb during conflict?
— Why do my reactions feel bigger than the moment?
— Why does intimacy feel unsafe even when I want connection?

Dissociation can manifest as emotional shutdown, memory fog, sudden shifts in behavior, or feeling unreal. These experiences are often misinterpreted as manipulation or instability rather than survival responses.

Trauma, Attachment, and Relationships

Unresolved trauma profoundly impacts relationships and intimacy. Whether someone has DID or a personality disorder, attachment wounds shape how they experience closeness, sexuality, trust, and conflict.

Common relational struggles include:

— Fear of abandonment paired with fear of engulfment
— Difficulty tolerating emotional closeness
— Hypervigilance to rejection or criticism
— Sexual shutdown or compulsive sexual behavior
— Shame around needs, desires, or vulnerability

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand these struggles through the lens of attachment trauma and nervous system dysregulation, rather than pathology.

Effective Treatment Approaches

Healing requires more than insight. It requires nervous system repair, relational safety, and integration.

Effective therapy may include:

— Trauma-focused psychotherapy, such as EMDR and attachment-focused EMDR
— Somatic therapy modalities that address trauma stored in the body
— Parts-based approaches that support internal communication and integration
— Relational therapy that builds safety, boundaries, and secure attachment
— Psychoeducation grounded in neuroscience

Treatment is paced, collaborative, and respectful of protective adaptations. The goal is not to eliminate parts or personality traits, but to increase regulation, integration, and choice.

A Compassionate Reframe

DID and personality disorders are often misunderstood because they are framed through behavior rather than biology and trauma. When viewed through a nervous system lens, symptoms make sense.

These patterns developed for survival. Therapy helps the brain and body learn new ways of responding, connecting, and regulating.

Trauma-Informed, Neuroscience-Based Care at Embodied Wellness and Recovery

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in trauma-informed, neuroscience-based care for individuals navigating dissociation, complex trauma, and relational wounds. Our work integrates somatic therapy, EMDR, attachment repair, and relational healing.

We support clients in:

— Understanding their symptoms without shame
— Building internal safety and regulation
— Repairing attachment wounds
— Creating healthier relationships and intimacy
— Developing a more integrated sense of self

Our approach honors both the science of trauma and the humanity of each client.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). APA Publishing.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) Putnam, F. W. (1997). Dissociation in children and adolescents: A developmental perspective. Guilford Press.

4) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/15/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/15/26

What Does Somatic Therapy Feel Like Physically? A Nervous System and Neuroscience-Informed Guide

What does somatic therapy feel like physically? Learn how body-based therapy affects sensation, tension, breath, and nervous system regulation through a neuroscience-informed lens.

If you are curious about somatic therapy, one of the most common questions is also one of the most vulnerable: What will it actually feel like in my body?

Will it be intense? Awkward? Emotional? Will something happen that feels out of control? For many people, especially those with trauma histories, the idea of paying attention to the body can feel both intriguing and unsettling at the same time.

These questions make sense. Our culture has taught us to relate to distress cognitively by thinking through problems rather than sensing them. Somatic therapy gently reverses that pattern by inviting the body into the healing process. Understanding what somatic therapy feels like physically can help reduce anxiety and create a sense of safety before beginning.

This article explores the physical experience of somatic therapy through a neuroscience and nervous system-informed lens and explains how Embodied Wellness and Recovery approaches somatic work with care, pacing, and consent.

Why Somatic Therapy Feels Different From Talk Therapy

Traditional talk therapy primarily engages the prefrontal cortex, the brain region responsible for reasoning, insight, and verbal processing. Somatic therapy also includes the brainstem and limbic system, which govern survival responses, emotional memory, and bodily regulation.

Because trauma and chronic stress are stored and expressed through the nervous system, healing often requires working with sensation, movement, and physiological cues rather than words alone. This is why somatic therapy can feel different physically. The body becomes an active participant rather than a passive background.

Common Physical Sensations People Experience in Somatic Therapy

Every body responds uniquely, but there are common physical experiences that many people notice during somatic therapy sessions. These sensations are not signs that something is wrong. They are signs that the nervous system is communicating.

Changes in Breathing

Many people notice their breath change early in somatic therapy. Breathing may deepen, slow, or become more rhythmic. Others notice shallow breathing at first, which gradually softens as safety increases. Breath is one of the fastest indicators of nervous system state and often shifts as regulation improves.

Muscle Tension and Release

Somatic therapy frequently brings awareness to areas of chronic tension, such as the jaw, shoulders, neck, chest, or hips. You may notice subtle tightening followed by warmth or softening. Sometimes tension releases gradually over multiple sessions rather than all at once.

Warmth, Tingling, or Heaviness

As circulation and nervous system regulation improve, people often describe sensations of warmth, tingling, or heaviness in different parts of the body. These sensations reflect shifts in autonomic nervous system activity and increased parasympathetic engagement.

Grounding and Weight

Many clients describe feeling more grounded, heavy, or settled in their bodies. Feet may feel more connected to the floor. The body may feel supported by the chair or couch in a way that was not noticed before.

Subtle Movement or Impulses

Some people experience gentle impulses to stretch, shift posture, yawn, sigh, or move. In somatic therapy, these impulses are respected as nervous system cues rather than suppressed. Movement is always optional and guided collaboratively.

What Somatic Therapy Does Not Feel Like

One of the most important clarifications is what somatic therapy does not feel like.

It does not involve forcing emotions or sensations.

It does not require physical touch unless explicitly discussed and consented to.

It does not involve reliving trauma in an overwhelming way.

It does not bypass cognitive understanding or insight.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, somatic therapy is titrated and relational. This means experiences are introduced slowly, with constant attention to nervous system capacity. The goal is not intensity but integration.

Why Physical Sensations Can Feel Emotional

The body and brain are inseparable. Emotional states are physiological states. When people ask what somatic therapy feels like emotionally, the answer is often tied to what it feels like physically.

Tears may arise without a clear story.

A sense of relief may follow a release of tension.

Fear may soften into sadness or grief.

Numbness may gradually give way to sensation.

These experiences occur because the limbic system processes emotion through bodily signals. Somatic therapy allows these signals to complete cycles that were interrupted by stress, trauma, or chronic overwhelm.

What If Sensations Feel Uncomfortable or Scary

It is common to worry that paying attention to the body will increase anxiety or discomfort. For individuals with trauma histories, body awareness can initially feel unfamiliar or even threatening.

A skilled somatic therapist closely monitors these responses. If sensations become overwhelming, the therapist helps the nervous system return to a state of regulation through grounding, orientation, and pacing. You are never expected to push through discomfort.

Somatic therapy builds tolerance gradually. Over time, what once felt frightening often becomes informative rather than alarming.

How Somatic Therapy Supports Nervous System Repair

From a neuroscience perspective, somatic therapy supports healing by strengthening communication between the brainstem, limbic system, and prefrontal cortex. This integration allows the body to move out of survival states more efficiently.

As nervous system regulation improves, physical sensations often feel less chaotic and more predictable. Clients report improved sleep, reduced chronic pain, decreased anxiety, and greater emotional resilience.

The body learns that sensation does not equal danger.

What a Somatic Therapy Session Might Look Like

A typical session at Embodied Wellness and Recovery may include:

— Checking in verbally about current stressors
— Noticing posture, breath, or sensation
— Gentle grounding or orienting exercises
— Tracking bodily responses to emotion or memory
— Integrating insight with sensation

Nothing is done without collaboration. You remain in control of pacing and participation throughout the process.

Why Curiosity Matters More Than Control

One of the most helpful shifts clients make is moving from trying to control bodily experience to becoming curious about it. Curiosity activates the prefrontal cortex and supports regulation. Control often increases tension.

Somatic therapy invites curiosity toward sensation rather than judgment. Over time, this creates a sense of trust in the body rather than fear.

Who Benefits Most From Somatic Therapy

Somatic therapy is particularly helpful for individuals experiencing:

— Trauma or developmental trauma
— Anxiety or panic symptoms
— Chronic stress or burnout
— Dissociation or numbness
— Difficulty accessing emotions
— Relationship or attachment challenges

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, somatic therapy is integrated with trauma-informed psychotherapy, attachment work, EMDR, and relational approaches to support whole-person healing.

Reconnecting with Yourself Gradually and Safely

If you are wondering what somatic therapy feels like physically, the most honest answer is that it feels like reconnecting with yourself gradually and safely. Sensations become messages rather than threats. The body becomes a source of information rather than something to override.

Healing happens not by forcing change, but by allowing the nervous system to experience safety, presence, and completion.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Damasio, A. R. (1999). The feeling of what happens: Body and emotion in the making of consciousness. Harcourt Brace.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/14/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/14/26

How Depression Affects Emotional Memory: The Neuroscience of Recall, Mood, and Meaning

How Depression Affects Emotional Memory: The Neuroscience of Recall, Mood, and Meaning

Depression can reshape emotional memory, biasing recall toward pain and loss. Learn the neuroscience behind memory changes and how therapy supports integration.

Depression does more than affect mood. It shapes how memories are stored, retrieved, and emotionally colored.

Have you ever noticed that when you feel depressed, painful memories surface more easily than neutral or positive ones?

Do moments of joy feel distant or unreal, while regret, loss, or shame feel vivid and immediate?
Do you wonder why your past seems defined by what went wrong, even when you know that is not the whole story?

These experiences are not imagined. They reflect well-documented changes in emotional memory processing that occur in depression.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we work with individuals and couples who feel haunted by emotionally charged memories that seem to reinforce hopelessness, disconnection, or self-criticism. Understanding how depression affects emotional memory can reduce shame and open new pathways for nervous system repair, relational healing, and meaningful change.

What Is Emotional Memory

Emotional memory refers to how experiences tied to strong feelings are encoded, stored, and recalled. Unlike neutral facts, emotional memories involve close interaction between brain regions responsible for emotion, memory, and meaning.

Key structures include:

     — The amygdala, which assigns emotional salience
    — The hippocampus, which supports contextual and autobiographical memory
    — The prefrontal cortex, which integrates memory with perspective, regulation, and meaning

In healthy functioning, these systems work together to create a balanced narrative of the past. In depression, this balance often shifts.

Depression and Negative Memory Bias

One of the most widely studied features of depression is negative emotional memory bias.

Research consistently shows that people with depression:

— Recall negative memories more easily than positive ones
— Remember positive experiences as less vivid or emotionally muted
— Interpret ambiguous memories through a negative lens
— Struggle to access detailed, specific positive autobiographical memories

This phenomenon is known as mood-congruent memory. The emotional state of depression makes memories that match that state more accessible (Gotlib & Joormann, 2010). Over time, this bias can reinforce depressive thinking patterns, creating a feedback loop between mood and memory.

Why the Brain Does This

From a neuroscience perspective, this bias is not a personal failure. It is a brain-based adaptation.

Depression is associated with:

— Increased amygdala reactivity to negative stimuli
— Reduced hippocampal volume and neurogenesis in some individuals
— Altered communication between the prefrontal cortex and limbic system

These changes affect how emotional information is prioritized and integrated (Disner et al., 2011).

When the brain is under chronic stress or in a low mood, it becomes more vigilant to threats, loss, or failure. This makes painful memories feel more relevant and immediate, even when they are not.

Overgeneral Autobiographical Memory

Another hallmark of depression is overgeneral autobiographical memory.

Instead of recalling specific events, individuals may remember their past in broad, emotionally loaded summaries:

— “Nothing ever works out for me.”
— “My relationships always fail.”
— “I have always been this way.”

While these statements may feel true, they reflect a memory process that lacks detail and nuance.

Research suggests that overgeneral memory may function as an emotional avoidance strategy, reducing contact with specific painful experiences at the cost of clarity and hope (Williams et al., 2007).

Depression, Trauma, and Emotional Memory

Depression frequently coexists with trauma, attachment wounds, or chronic stress. These experiences further shape emotional memory.

Traumatic or relationally painful memories are often stored as implicit emotional and somatic patterns rather than coherent narratives. When depression is present, these memories may be reactivated without context, leading to:

— Sudden waves of sadness or despair
— Emotional numbing followed by intense recall
— Difficulty trusting positive experiences
— A sense that the past defines the present

This helps explain why depression can feel deeply embodied and resistant to logic.

How Emotional Memory Affects Relationships

Emotional memory does not operate in isolation. It shapes how people experience relationships, intimacy, and connection.

When depression biases memory toward rejection or disappointment, individuals may:

— Anticipate abandonment
— Misinterpret neutral interactions as negative
— Struggle to feel emotionally safe with partners
— Carry unresolved resentment or grief into current relationships

In intimate relationships, emotional memory can influence desire, vulnerability, and trust. Past relational pain may feel ever-present, even when circumstances have changed.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we frequently see how unprocessed emotional memory contributes to cycles of disconnection, withdrawal, or conflict.

Why Talking About the Past Is Sometimes Not Enough

Many people with depression have insight into their history. They can explain the source of their pain. Yet emotional memory continues to intrude.

This is because emotional memory is not stored solely as a story. It is encoded through neural networks, bodily states, and affective patterns that are not always accessible through language alone.

As Joseph LeDoux’s work demonstrates, emotional responses can be triggered before conscious awareness or reasoning comes online (LeDoux, 2015).

For lasting change, therapy must engage both top-down understanding and bottom-up nervous system processes.

The Nervous System and Emotional Recall

Depression is associated with dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system. States of shutdown, low energy, or hypervigilance can shape what memories are accessible.

When the nervous system is dysregulated:

— The brain prioritizes survival-related information
— Emotional recall becomes narrower and more negative
— The ability to integrate new, corrective experiences is reduced

This is why positive experiences may not register emotionally when someone is depressed. The nervous system is not prepared to receive them.

Therapeutic Approaches That Support Emotional Memory Integration

Effective treatment for depression and emotional memory involves more than challenging thoughts. It requires supporting the brain and nervous system in integrating new experiences.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we draw from trauma-informed, neuroscience-based approaches such as:

— Somatic therapy to address embodied memory
— Attachment-focused EMDR to reprocess emotionally charged memories.
— Parts work to understand internal conflicts tied to past experiences.
— Polyvagal-informed therapy to restore nervous system regulation.

These approaches help clients access memories more safely, specifically, and with greater emotional flexibility.

How Therapy Can Shift Emotional Memory Over Time

When therapy supports regulation and integration, emotional memory begins to change.

Clients often report:

— Greater access to nuanced memories rather than global negative conclusions
— Reduced emotional charge around painful events
— Increased ability to recall positive or neutral experiences
— More flexibility in how the past informs the present

This does not involve erasing memory. It consists in updating the emotional meaning of memory in light of present safety and support.

Hope Through Neuroplasticity

One of the most critical insights from neuroscience is that the brain remains capable of change throughout life.

Neuroplasticity allows emotional memory networks to reorganize when new experiences of safety, connection, and regulation are repeatedly available.

Depression narrows memory and meaning. Nervous system-informed therapy expands them.

Embodied Wellness and Recovery’s Perspective

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we view depression through a relational, somatic, and neuroscience-informed lens.

We help clients understand:

— How depression shapes emotional memory
— Why specific memories feel inescapable
— How trauma and attachment experiences interact with mood
— How therapy can support nervous system repair and relational healing

Our work integrates emotional, cognitive, and physiological dimensions to support depth-oriented, compassionate care.

Moving Forward With Understanding Rather Than Self-Blame

When people understand that depression affects emotional memory, shame often softens. Difficulty remembering joy or feeling stuck in the past becomes understandable rather than personal failure.

With the proper support, emotional memory can become more flexible, contextual, and integrated. The past no longer needs to dominate the present in the same way.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

Disner, S. G., Beevers, C. G., Haigh, E. A. P., & Beck, A. T. (2011). Neural mechanisms of the cognitive model of depression. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 12(8), 467–477.

Gotlib, I. H., & Joormann, J. (2010). Cognition and depression: Current status and future directions. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 6, 285–312.

LeDoux, J. E. (2015). Anxious: Using the brain to understand and treat fear and anxiety. Viking.

Williams, J. M. G., Barnhofer, T., Crane, C., et al. (2007). Autobiographical memory specificity and emotional disorder. Psychological Bulletin, 133(1), 122–148.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/13/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/13/26

Re-Entry Anxiety After the Holidays: How Therapy Helps Your Nervous System Adjust to the Return to Daily Life

Struggling with anxiety after the holidays? Learn how therapy supports nervous system regulation, emotional balance, and smoother re-entry into daily life.

Re-Entry Anxiety After the Holidays: Why the Return Feels So Hard

Do you feel a knot in your stomach as the calendar flips back to workdays, school schedules, and responsibilities? Does the structure of daily life feel oddly overwhelming after a holiday break that was meant to be restorative? Are you more irritable, anxious, fatigued, or emotionally raw than you expected to be?

This experience is often referred to as re-entry anxiety after holiday breaks, and it is far more common than most people realize. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we see clients across all stages of life struggling with heightened anxiety, emotional dysregulation, relationship tension, and nervous system overload when transitioning back into the so-called daily grind.

Re-entry anxiety is not a personal failure or lack of motivation. It is a nervous system response to abrupt shifts in rhythm, expectation, and demand. Therapy that is trauma-informed and neuroscience-based can help the body and brain recalibrate, restoring steadiness, clarity, and emotional resilience.

What Is Re-Entry Anxiety After a Holiday Break?

Re-entry anxiety refers to the emotional and physiological distress that arises when returning to work, school, parenting demands, or routine obligations after time away. While commonly associated with post-vacation blues, this form of anxiety often runs deeper than disappointment that the holidays are over.

Common signs include:

     — Racing thoughts about productivity and performance
   — Difficulty concentrating or feeling mentally foggy
— Sleep disruption or early-morning anxiety
    — Increased irritability or emotional sensitivity
   — Somatic symptoms such as a tight chest, shallow breathing, headaches, or fatigue
— Heightened conflict in relationships
— A sense of dread or internal pressure as routines resume

For individuals with trauma histories, anxiety disorders, perfectionism, attachment wounds, or chronic stress, re-entry anxiety can feel particularly intense.

The Neuroscience of Re-Entry Anxiety

From a neuroscience perspective, holiday breaks often place the nervous system in a different state of arousal. Even when holidays include stress, travel, or family tension, they usually disrupt habitual demands and time pressures.

During breaks:

— The sympathetic nervous system may downshift slightly due to fewer deadlines
— The parasympathetic system may have more opportunity for rest, social connection, and play
— Daily cues associated with performance, evaluation, and urgency are temporarily reduced

When routine resumes abruptly, the nervous system can perceive this shift as a threat rather than a neutral transition. The brain prioritizes safety and predictability. Sudden increases in expectation, structure, and responsibility activate survival circuits, particularly in individuals whose nervous systems have learned to associate productivity or performance with danger or rejection.

Research in affective neuroscience and polyvagal theory shows that transitions are inherently activating for the nervous system, especially when they involve loss of autonomy, increased evaluation, or relational strain (Gharbo, 2020).

Why Re-Entry Anxiety Feels Worse for Some People

Not everyone experiences re-entry anxiety in the same way. Therapy often reveals that this anxiety is amplified by underlying factors such as:

1. Trauma and Chronic Stress

Trauma sensitizes the nervous system to change. Even positive transitions can feel destabilizing when the body has learned to anticipate overwhelm or harm.

2. Attachment Patterns

For individuals with anxious or avoidant attachment styles, holidays may increase closeness or distance in relationships. Returning to routine can reactivate fears around abandonment, disconnection, or emotional exposure.

3. Perfectionism and High Achievement

People who tie self-worth to productivity often experience intense pressure when returning to work. The nervous system interprets performance demands as high-stakes survival tasks.

4. Relationship and Family Dynamics

Holiday interactions may surface unresolved relational wounds. Re-entry anxiety can reflect unfinished emotional processing rather than resistance to routine itself.

5. Burnout

If life before the break was already overwhelming, the return highlights how unsustainable the pace truly is.

Therapy for Re-Entry Anxiety: A Nervous System–Informed Approach

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, therapy for re-entry anxiety focuses on regulation rather than suppression. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety but to help the nervous system regain flexibility, safety, and choice.

1. Somatic Therapy and Nervous System Regulation

Somatic therapy helps clients identify how re-entry anxiety lives in the body. Through gentle tracking of sensation, breath, posture, and movement, the nervous system learns that transitions can be navigated without collapsing or becoming hyperaroused.

This approach draws on research showing that bottom-up regulation supports emotional stability more effectively than cognitive strategies alone (Chiesa, Serretti, & Jakobsen, 2013).

2. EMDR and Trauma-Informed Interventions

For clients whose re-entry anxiety connects to earlier experiences of pressure, punishment, or emotional neglect, EMDR therapy can help process stored memories that are being unconsciously reactivated by present-day demands.

When the brain no longer associates routine with threat, anxiety often softens naturally.

3. Attachment-Focused Therapy

Therapy can explore how returning to routine affects connection, intimacy, and relational safety. Understanding attachment dynamics helps clients navigate transitions with greater compassion toward themselves and others.

This is especially important for couples who notice increased conflict or distance after holidays.

4. Cognitive and Parts-Based Approaches

Anxiety often reflects competing internal parts. One part may crave structure, while another resists constraint. Therapy helps clients listen to these parts without judgment, reducing internal conflict and exhaustion.

5. Building Sustainable Rhythms

Rather than forcing a return to pre-holiday intensity, therapy supports the creation of nervous system–friendly routines that balance productivity with restoration.

Practical Strategies Supported in Therapy

Clients often integrate these tools alongside therapeutic work:

— Gradual re-entry rather than immediate overload
— Anchoring practices such as breathwork or sensory grounding before transitions
— Redefining productivity in realistic and humane terms
— Scheduling micro-moments of pleasure and rest
— Establishing clear relational boundaries around availability and expectations

These practices are most effective when tailored to the individual nervous system rather than applied as generic self-help advice.

How Re-Entry Anxiety Affects Relationships, Sexuality, and Intimacy

Re-entry anxiety does not exist in isolation. Heightened stress impacts emotional availability, desire, and communication. Partners may misinterpret anxiety as withdrawal or irritability. Libido often decreases when the nervous system is in survival mode.

Therapy helps clients and couples understand how stress physiology affects intimacy, allowing for more accurate communication and reduced shame. When the nervous system feels safer, connection often follows.

Why Choose Embodied Wellness and Recovery

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in neuroscience-informed, trauma-focused therapy that addresses anxiety at its roots. Our clinicians understand that symptoms like re-entry anxiety are not flaws to be corrected but signals from a nervous system seeking support.

We work with individuals and couples navigating:

— Anxiety and stress transitions
— Trauma and nervous system dysregulation
— Relationship and attachment challenges
— Sexuality and intimacy concerns
— Burnout and emotional overwhelm

Our approach integrates somatic therapy, EMDR, attachment theory, and relational neuroscience to support lasting change rather than short-term coping.

Moving Forward with Greater Ease

Re-entry anxiety after holiday breaks offers valuable information. It points toward unmet needs, unsustainable rhythms, and nervous system patterns shaped by experience. Therapy creates space to listen to that information with curiosity instead of judgment.

With the right support, transitions can become opportunities for recalibration rather than sources of dread.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Chiesa, A., Serretti, A., & Jakobsen, J. C. (2013). Mindfulness: Top–down or bottom–up emotion regulation strategy?. Clinical psychology review, 33(1), 82-96.

2) Gharbo, R. S. (2020). Autonomic rehabilitation: Adapting to change. Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation Clinics, 31(4), 633-648.

3) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

4) Schore, A. N. (2012). The science of the art of psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.

5) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/12/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/12/26

How Trauma Disrupts Motivation and Follow Through: A Nervous System and Neuroscience-Informed Perspective

How Trauma Disrupts Motivation and Follow Through:

A Nervous System and Neuroscience-Informed Perspective

Trauma can disrupt motivation and follow-through by dysregulating the nervous system. Learn the neuroscience behind shutdown, procrastination, and trauma recovery.

Have you ever wondered why you want to follow through, but your body seems to refuse?

Why you understand what needs to be done, care deeply about the outcome, and yet feel frozen, exhausted, distracted, or unable to start or finish tasks?

Do you find yourself asking:

— Why can I plan but not execute?
— Why do simple tasks feel overwhelming?
— Why does motivation disappear when pressure rises?
— Why do I feel ashamed about procrastination or inconsistency?

For many people, difficulty with motivation and follow-through is not due to a lack of discipline, character, or willpower. It is a nervous system issue shaped by unresolved trauma and chronic stress.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in trauma-informed, nervous system-based therapy that helps clients understand why motivation falters and how to restore capacity for action, engagement, and completion in sustainable ways.

Motivation Is a Nervous System Function

Motivation is often framed as a psychological trait. From a neuroscience perspective, motivation is deeply physiological.

Initiating and completing tasks requires:

        — A regulated autonomic nervous system
      — Access to energy without overwhelm
     — A sense of safety while engaging effort
      — Integration between emotional, cognitive, and motor systems

When the nervous system is regulated, motivation feels accessible. When it is dysregulated, action can feel impossible even when desire is present.

This is why trauma can profoundly disrupt motivation and follow-through.

How Trauma Changes the Brain and Body

Trauma alters how the brain processes threat, safety, and energy.

When the nervous system perceives danger, the brain prioritizes survival over productivity. Blood flow shifts away from the prefrontal cortex, which supports planning, focus, and decision making, toward subcortical regions responsible for defense.

Neuroscience research shows that chronic stress and trauma impact the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia, and limbic system, all of which play key roles in motivation, initiation, and persistence (Arnsten, 2009).

This means that trauma can interfere with:

        — Starting tasks
   — Sustaining effort
    — Organizing steps
   — Completing goals
     — Experiencing reward or satisfaction

Motivation struggles are often misinterpreted as laziness when they are actually signs of nervous system overload or shutdown.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Shutdown

Trauma responses are commonly described as fight, flight, freeze, and collapse or shutdown.

Each of these states affects motivation differently:

         — Fight may show up as overworking, followed by burnout
    — Flight may look like constant busyness without completion
    — Freeze often presents as procrastination or indecision
    — Shutdown can feel like exhaustion, numbness, or apathy

When freeze or shutdown dominates, the body conserves energy by limiting movement and engagement. From the nervous system’s perspective, this is protective.

Trying to push through these states with pressure or self-criticism often intensifies dysregulation.

Trauma, Dopamine, and the Reward System

Motivation is closely tied to dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in anticipation, reward, and goal-directed behavior.

Trauma and chronic stress can disrupt dopamine signaling. Research suggests that prolonged stress alters reward processing, making effort feel less rewarding and completion less satisfying (Pizzagalli, 2014).

This can lead to:

         — Difficulty feeling motivated by future rewards
     — Loss of pleasure or interest
     — Reduced sense of accomplishment
     — Increased reliance on short-term distractions

Without adequate dopamine signaling, the nervous system struggles to mobilize energy toward long-term goals.

Why Insight Alone Is Not Enough

Many high-functioning individuals understand their trauma history and patterns clearly. Yet motivation remains inconsistent.

This is because insight primarily engages the thinking brain. Motivation requires coordination between cognitive, emotional, and physiological systems.

As Joseph LeDoux’s research demonstrates, threat responses can bypass conscious thought entirely (LeDoux, 2015). When the nervous system detects danger, it limits access to executive functioning regardless of insight.

This explains why people often say:

         — I know what to do, but I cannot make myself do it
     — I feel blocked even when nothing is wrong
     — I shut down when expectations rise

The body must feel safe enough to engage effort.

Trauma, Shame, and Follow Through

Shame often accompanies motivation struggles.

Many people internalize messages such as:

         — I am lazy
     — I lack discipline
     — Something is wrong with me

From a trauma-informed perspective, shame further dysregulates the nervous system. It reinforces threat and withdrawal, making follow-through even harder.

Shame also activates relational threat. For individuals with attachment trauma, pressure to perform may unconsciously signal risk of rejection or failure, leading to freeze or shutdown responses.

Addressing shame is a critical component of restoring motivation.

How Trauma Affects Relationships and Intimacy

Motivation disruptions rarely exist in isolation. They often affect relationships, sexuality, and intimacy.

Clients may struggle with:

         — Initiating connection
    — Following through on commitments
    — Maintaining desire or arousal
     — Feeling present during intimacy
     — Balancing autonomy and closeness

When the nervous system is overwhelmed, it prioritizes conservation over engagement. This can be misinterpreted by partners as a lack of care or effort.

Trauma-informed therapy helps reframe these patterns as nervous system responses rather than relational failures.

Restoring Motivation Through Nervous System Repair

Lasting change requires working with the nervous system rather than against it.

Trauma-informed, somatic, and attachment-based approaches focus on:

         — Increasing nervous system regulation
     — Expanding tolerance for activation
     — Supporting completion of stress responses
     — Restoring access to energy and engagement

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate modalities such as:

         — Somatic therapy
     — Attachment-focused EMDR
     — Parts work and Internal Family Systems
     — Polyvagal-informed interventions

These approaches help clients rebuild capacity for action without forcing or shaming the system.

Small Steps and Nervous System Safety

For traumatized nervous systems, motivation often returns through small, manageable actions rather than large goals.

Micro completion builds safety and confidence. Each completed step signals to the nervous system that effort does not equal danger.

This may include:

         — Short periods of focused activity
     — Clear boundaries around rest
     — Predictable routines
     — Attuned support and co-regulation

Over time, these experiences rewire neural pathways associated with motivation and reward.

How Therapy Helps Reclaim Follow Through

Therapy provides more than insight. It offers a regulated relational space where the nervous system can learn new patterns.

Through consistent, attuned therapeutic relationships, clients experience:

         — Reduced threat activation
     — Increased emotional regulation
     — Greater access to motivation and energy
     — Improved follow-through without burnout

Motivation emerges as a byproduct of safety rather than pressure.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Approaches Motivation

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand difficulties with motivation through a trauma-informed and neuroscience-based lens.

We help clients explore:

         — How trauma shaped their nervous system responses
     — Why does following through feel unsafe or overwhelming
     — How to restore regulation and capacity gradually
     — How motivation intersects with relationships and intimacy

Our work honors the intelligence of the nervous system while supporting meaningful change.

Motivation Returns When Safety Leads

Motivation is not something to force. It is something that emerges when the nervous system feels supported, regulated, and resourced.

By addressing trauma at the level of the body and brain, individuals can reconnect with their natural capacity for engagement, creativity, and completion.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Arnsten, A. F. T. (2009). Stress signalling pathways that impair the structure and function of the prefrontal cortex. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 10(6), 410–422.

2) LeDoux, J. E. (2015). Anxious: Using the brain to understand and treat fear and anxiety. Viking.

3) Pizzagalli, D. A. (2014). Depression, stress, and anhedonia: Toward a synthesis and integrated model. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 10, 393–423.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/11/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/11/26

Integrating IFS With Somatic Therapy for Nervous System Healing: A Trauma-Informed Approach to Lasting Regulation

Learn how integrating Internal Family Systems with somatic therapy supports nervous system healing, trauma recovery, and emotional regulation beyond talk therapy.

Have you ever understood your trauma intellectually but still felt stuck in anxiety, shutdown, reactivity, or emotional numbness?

Do you find yourself wondering:

     — Why does my body stay on edge even when I know I am safe?
  — Why do certain triggers hijack me before I can think?
  — Why does insight help me understand my patterns but not change them?
  — Why does my nervous system feel exhausted, hypervigilant, or shut down no matter how much I process my story?

These questions point to a growing recognition in modern psychotherapy. Trauma and chronic stress do not live only in the mind. They live in the nervous system. And while insight is essential, it is often not enough on its own.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate Internal Family Systems therapy and somatic therapy to address trauma at both the psychological and physiological levels. This combined approach allows clients to work with their inner world while supporting nervous system repair in a way that feels grounded, attuned, and sustainable.

Why Trauma Lives in the Nervous System

From a neuroscience perspective, traumatic experiences are encoded across multiple levels of the brain and body. When a threat is perceived, the autonomic nervous system mobilizes to protect survival. Heart rate increases. Muscles tense. Breath changes. Attention narrows.

When a threat cannot be resolved or escaped, the nervous system may remain organized around danger long after the event has passed.

Research shows that traumatic memory is often stored in subcortical regions of the brain, including the amygdala, brainstem, and autonomic pathways (Miller-Karas & Sapp, 2015). These systems operate outside conscious awareness and do not respond reliably to logic or insight alone.

This is why many people experience:

     — Chronic nervous system dysregulation
— Persistent anxiety or irritability
  — Emotional shutdown or numbness
  — Somatic symptoms with no clear medical cause
  — Relationship reactivity that feels automatic

Understanding what happened does not automatically teach the nervous system that it is safe now.

What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy

Internal Family Systems therapy is a parts-based model developed by Richard Schwartz. It is grounded in the idea that the mind is made up of distinct parts, each with its own emotions, beliefs, and protective roles.

In IFS, symptoms are not seen as pathology. They are understood as protective strategies developed in response to overwhelming experiences.

Key elements of IFS include:

— Protective parts that manage daily life or react strongly to perceived threat
— Exiled parts that carry pain, fear, shame, or unmet needs
— Self energy, a core state characterized by curiosity, compassion, clarity, and calm

IFS helps clients build a relationship with their internal system rather than fighting against it. This approach reduces shame and increases internal cooperation.

However, while IFS offers profound psychological insight and emotional repair, many clients notice that their bodies still react automatically. This is where somatic therapy becomes essential.

What Is Somatic Therapy and Why It Matters

Somatic therapy focuses on the body as a primary pathway for healing. It works with sensation, movement, posture, breath, and autonomic responses to support nervous system regulation.

Trauma-informed somatic approaches recognize that the body often holds unfinished survival responses. Fight, flight, freeze, or collapse may remain activated when the nervous system lacks the opportunity to complete these responses safely.

Somatic therapy helps clients:

— Track internal sensations without overwhelm
— Recognize patterns of activation and shutdown
— Restore capacity for regulation and flexibility
— Reconnect with bodily cues of safety and agency

Neuroscience supports this bottom-up approach. Stephen Porges demonstrated that the nervous system constantly evaluates safety and danger through unconscious processes. When safety is present, social engagement and emotional regulation become possible.

Without addressing these physiological states, cognitive and emotional insight may not fully integrate.

Why Integrating IFS With Somatic Therapy Is So Effective

IFS and somatic therapy address different but deeply connected layers of trauma. IFS helps clients understand who inside is reacting.
Somatic therapy helps clients understand what the body is doing.

When combined, these approaches allow for healing that is both emotionally meaningful and biologically stabilizing.

For example:

— A protective part may intellectually agree that a situation is safe
— The body may still respond with tension, panic, or shutdown
— Somatic awareness helps that part notice what the nervous system is experiencing
— IFS Self energy provides curiosity and compassion toward that response

This integration prevents clients from bypassing the body or becoming overwhelmed by sensation alone.

Neuroscience and the Integration of Parts and Body

Research in affective neuroscience shows that emotional regulation depends on communication between cortical and subcortical brain regions (Pavuluri, Herbener, & Sweeney, 2005). Joseph LeDoux demonstrated that emotional responses can occur before conscious thought.

IFS supports top-down integration by engaging reflective awareness and meaning-making. Somatic therapy supports bottom-up integration by stabilizing autonomic states.

Together, they promote:

— Increased vagal tone
— Reduced threat reactivity
— Improved emotional regulation
— Greater relational flexibility

This combination allows the nervous system to learn safety not just as an idea, but as a lived experience.

How Chronic Nervous System Dysregulation Develops

Many clients seeking therapy are not dealing with a single traumatic event. Instead, they experience the cumulative impact of:

— Developmental trauma
— Attachment wounds
— Chronic stress
— Relational instability
— Repeated boundary violations

Over time, the nervous system adapts by staying mobilized or shutting down. This may show up as:

— Hypervigilance and anxiety
— Difficulty relaxing or sleeping
— Emotional overcontrol or emotional flooding
— Sexual shutdown or difficulty with intimacy
— Persistent exhaustion

IFS helps identify which parts are carrying these adaptations. Somatic therapy helps the body learn that constant defense is no longer required.

The Role of Relationship in Nervous System Healing

Healing does not occur in isolation. Both IFS and somatic therapy emphasize the importance of attunement and relational safety.

The nervous system regulates through connection. When therapy provides a consistent experience of being seen, understood, and not overwhelmed, the body gradually reorganizes around a sense of safety.

This is particularly important for clients struggling with:

— Relationship conflict
— Attachment anxiety or avoidance
— Sexual intimacy challenges
— Difficulty trusting others

By integrating parts work with somatic regulation, therapy becomes a space where relational repair can occur at both emotional and physiological levels.

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Integrates IFS and Somatic Therapy

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in trauma-informed, nervous-system-based care that addresses the full complexity of the human experience.

Our clinicians integrate:

Internal Family Systems therapy

— Somatic Experiencing principles
— Attachment-focused EMDR
— Polyvagal-informed interventions
— Relational and co-regulation practices

This integrative approach allows us to support clients navigating trauma, chronic nervous system dysregulation, relationship challenges, sexuality concerns, and intimacy issues with depth and precision. We do not rush the nervous system. We work at the pace of safety.

When Insight and the Body Work Together

Many clients arrive in therapy with years of insight and self-awareness. What they often lack is a nervous system that trusts those insights.

Integrating IFS with somatic therapy helps bridge this gap. Parts feel understood. The body feels supported. Regulation becomes more accessible. Patterns begin to shift not through force, but through integration. This is where meaningful change tends to occur.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) LeDoux, J. E. (2015). Anxious: Using the brain to understand and treat fear and anxiety. Viking.

2) Miller-Karas, E., & Sapp, M. (2015). The Nervous System, Memory, and Trauma. In Building Resilience to Trauma (pp. 10-29). Routledge.

3) Pavuluri, M. N., Herbener, E. S., & Sweeney, J. A. (2005). Affect regulation: a systems neuroscience perspective. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 1(1), 9-15.

4) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

5) Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the Internal Family Systems model. Sounds True.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/10/26 Lauren Dummit-Schock 1/10/26

Why Talking Is Not Enough to Process Anger Stored in the Body

Why Talking Is Not Enough to Process Anger Stored in the Body

Talking can help you understand anger, but it cannot release it from the nervous system. Learn why stored anger lives in the body and how somatic therapy helps.

Have you ever talked through your anger endlessly, understood exactly why you feel the way you do, and still found yourself snapping, shutting down, clenching your jaw, or feeling simmering resentment beneath the surface?

Do you find yourself asking:

— Why do I still feel angry even after years of therapy?
— Why does my body react before my mind can intervene?
— Why does anger show up as tension, headaches, stomach issues, or emotional withdrawal?
— Why does resentment linger even when I logically understand my story?

These questions point to a truth that modern neuroscience and trauma research continue to confirm. Anger is not only a thought or emotion. It is a physiological state stored in the nervous system. And while talking can create insight, it is often insufficient for releasing anger that lives in the body.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in trauma-informed, nervous system-based therapies that go beyond insight alone. We help clients understand why anger persists and how to work with the body to restore regulation, safety, and relational health.

Anger Is a Nervous System Response, Not Just an Emotion

Anger is frequently misunderstood as a character flaw or a problem with emotional control. From a neuroscience perspective, anger is a protective survival response.

When the brain perceives threat, whether physical, emotional, or relational, it activates the autonomic nervous system. The sympathetic branch mobilizes energy for action. Heart rate increases. Muscles tighten. Breath becomes shallow. Blood flow shifts away from digestion toward survival.

This response is adaptive in the moment. The challenge arises when anger is activated repeatedly or never fully discharged.

Research in affective neuroscience shows that emotional memories are encoded not only in the cortex where language lives, but also in subcortical structures such as the amygdala, basal ganglia, and brainstem. These regions operate largely outside conscious awareness and do not respond to language in the same way the thinking brain does.

This is why clients often say:

— I know I should not feel this way, but my body reacts anyway.
— I can explain my anger perfectly, but it does not go away.
— I feel tense and on edge even when I am calm on the surface.

Talking accesses the prefrontal cortex. Anger stored in the body lives elsewhere.

Why Talk Therapy Alone Often Falls Short

Traditional talk therapy emphasizes insight, narrative, and cognitive understanding. These tools are valuable. They help clients make meaning of their experiences and reduce shame.

However, insight alone does not automatically regulate the nervous system.

From a neurobiological standpoint, top-down approaches that rely primarily on thinking and verbal processing may not reach the bottom-up systems that store anger. When anger is encoded as muscle tension, breath holding, postural collapse, or hypervigilance, it requires interventions that engage sensation, movement, and physiological awareness.

This explains why many high-functioning individuals experience:

— Chronic resentment in relationships
— Anger that turns inward as depression or anxiety
— Explosive reactions that feel disproportionate
— Emotional numbing followed by sudden outbursts

Without addressing the body, anger remains unresolved at the level where it was first stored.

The Body Keeps the Score on Anger

Trauma research has repeatedly demonstrated that the body remembers what the mind tries to move past. The book, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, describes how unprocessed emotions are stored in the nervous system, muscles, and autonomic responses long after the original event ends.

Anger that could not be expressed safely in childhood, relationships, or traumatic situations often becomes inhibited anger. The body stays braced, alert, or constricted as if the threat is still present.

Common signs of anger stored in the body include:

— Chronic muscle tension in the jaw, neck, shoulders, or hips
— Shallow breathing or frequent breath holding
— Digestive issues or nausea
— Restlessness or agitation
— Emotional withdrawal or shutdown
— Difficulty with sexual desire or intimacy

These symptoms are not random. They reflect a nervous system that has not completed its defensive response.

Polyvagal Theory and the Physiology of Anger

Polyvagal Theory helps explain why anger is deeply relational and physiological. According to Stephen Porges, the nervous system continuously scans for cues of safety and danger.

When safety is present, the ventral vagal system supports connection, emotional regulation, and flexibility. When safety is compromised, the nervous system shifts into sympathetic activation or dorsal vagal shutdown.

Anger often emerges when:

     — Boundaries are violated
  — Needs are ignored
  — Power is taken away
  — Attachment feels threatened

If these experiences recur without repair, the nervous system learns to remain mobilized. Talking about anger without addressing these physiological states can inadvertently reinforce frustration and self-blame.

Why Anger Often Shows Up in Relationships and Intimacy

Anger stored in the body frequently surfaces in close relationships. This is not accidental.

Attachment bonds activate the same neural circuits involved in threat and safety. When relational wounds go unprocessed, anger may appear as:

     — Irritability with partners
    — Emotional distance or stonewalling
— Sexual shutdown or avoidance
    — Conflict cycles that repeat despite insight
    — Difficulty trusting or softening

From a somatic perspective, intimacy requires a regulated nervous system. When anger remains stored as tension or hyper arousal, the body struggles to access states associated with closeness, pleasure, and vulnerability.

This is why relationship therapy that integrates nervous system repair is often more effective than communication skills alone.

How Somatic Therapy Helps Release Stored Anger

Somatic therapy works bottom up. It helps clients track sensations, impulses, posture, breath, and movement patterns associated with anger.

Rather than asking, Why are you angry? somatic work asks:

— Where do you feel anger in your body?
— What happens in your breath when anger arises?
— What impulse wants to complete itself?
— What happens when the body feels supported and safe?

By gently guiding the nervous system through completion of defensive responses, anger can be discharged without overwhelm or harm.

Approaches used at Embodied Wellness and Recovery include:

— Somatic Experiencing
— Attachment-focused EMDR
— Trauma-informed parts work
— Nervous system regulation skills
— Relational and co-regulation practices

These modalities help the body learn that the threat has passed and that new responses are available.

The Neuroscience of Bottom-Up Healing

Neuroscience research shows that emotional regulation improves when sensory and motor pathways are engaged. Joseph LeDoux demonstrated that emotional responses can bypass conscious thought entirely.

This means lasting change often occurs through:

— Tracking bodily sensations
— Engaging rhythm and movement
— Using breath to influence vagal tone
— Experiencing safe relational attunement

When the body feels safe, the mind can integrate new narratives. The reverse is far less reliable.

Anger Is Not the Enemy

Anger carries information. It signals unmet needs, violated boundaries, and unresolved grief. When approached through a nervous system lens, anger becomes a guide rather than a problem to eliminate.

Processing anger somatically does not mean acting it out or suppressing it. It means allowing the body to release what it has been holding while restoring choice and agency.

Clients often report:

— Reduced reactivity
— Greater emotional clarity
— Improved relationships
— Increased capacity for intimacy
— A deeper sense of internal steadiness

How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Approaches Anger

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate neuroscience, trauma research, and somatic therapy to address anger at its roots. Our clinicians are trained to work with the nervous system, attachment patterns, and relational dynamics that underlie persistent anger and resentment.

We specialize in supporting individuals and couples navigating:

     — Trauma and developmental wounds
   — Nervous system dysregulation
    — Relationship and intimacy challenges
   — Sexuality and desire concerns
    — Chronic emotional stress and burnout

Our approach honors insight while recognizing that the body must be included in the healing process.

When Talking Becomes Integrated with the Body

Talking is not the problem. Talking without the body is a limitation.

When verbal processing is paired with somatic awareness, the nervous system can reorganize. Anger no longer needs to stay trapped as tension, reactivity, or resentment. It becomes information that can be felt, understood, and resolved.

For many clients, this shift marks the difference between years of insight without relief and meaningful, embodied change.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) LeDoux, J. E. (2015). Anxious: Using the brain to understand and treat fear and anxiety. Viking.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.