Lauren Dummit-Schock 8/4/25 Lauren Dummit-Schock 8/4/25

Reclaiming Yourself After Abuse: How Survivors Build Strength, Resilience, and a Life of Meaning

Feeling lost after leaving an abusive partner? Discover how survivors rebuild their identity, nervous system, and sense of self through trauma-informed therapy, post-traumatic growth, and embodied recovery. Explore neuroscience-backed strategies for healing with expert guidance from Embodied Wellness and Recovery.

What happens after you finally leave?

After the door closes and the silence settles, many survivors of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse find themselves facing a far more complex and disorienting chapter than they expected. You escaped. You did the hard thing. But why do you still feel so disconnected from yourself, from others, from joy?

The truth is, trauma doesn’t end when the relationship does. Leaving an abusive partner is only the first step. The journey that follows is about reclaiming your voice, rebuilding your nervous system, and redefining what safety and love mean to you.

What Is Survivor Resilience and Why Does It Feel So Hard to Access?

You may feel like a shell of the person you once were, adrift, numb, hypervigilant, or emotionally exhausted. Abuse, especially within intimate relationships, often rewires your sense of identity and worth. Through gaslighting, manipulation, or cycles of harm and repair, your brain and body adapt in ways meant to protect you, but those same adaptations can make connection and healing difficult once the danger has passed.

From a neuroscience perspective, prolonged abuse can cause dysregulation in the autonomic nervous system. Survivors often fluctuate between sympathetic arousal (anxiety, panic, hypervigilance) and parasympathetic shutdown (numbness, depression, freeze states) as the body tries to survive a threat it perceives as constant. Even after you’re physically safe, your brain may still respond as if you’re in danger.

But here's what the science also tells us: neuroplasticity is fundamental. The brain has the remarkable capacity to rewire itself in response to new experiences. Healing experiences can reshape neural pathways, allowing for renewed emotional and relational patterns. The brain and body can learn new patterns of connection and safety with consistent care and regulation. With the proper support, your brain and body can rewire themselves to experience safety, intimacy, and empowerment again.

Why Post-Traumatic Growth Looks Different After Leaving Abuse

Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is not about finding silver linings in pain. It’s about the growth that emerges not in spite of the trauma, but because of the work survivors do to reclaim their lives after it.

Key dimensions of PTG include:

— Greater appreciation for life
— New priorities and a more profound sense of purpose
— More authentic relationships
— Increased personal strength
— Spiritual or existential growth

For survivors of intimate partner violence, this growth often emerges slowly, through trauma-informed therapy, somatic regulation, and meaningful connection with others who see and honor the whole story, not just the pain, but the power it took to leave.

Common Struggles Survivors Face After Leaving an Abusive Partner

Despite feeling hopeful about the future, survivors often report:

— Loss of identity: “Who am I without them?”
— Self-doubt or shame: “Why did I stay?”
— Emotional flashbacks or dissociation
— Intimacy issues: Fear of closeness, avoidance of touch, or confusion around sexual desire
— Chronic anxiety or depression
— Loneliness and grief: Mourning the person they hoped their partner would become

These are not signs of failure. They are signs your body is still adapting, still protecting you, still waiting to learn that the war is over.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we recognize these challenges not as barriers but as entry points, each symptom a communication from the nervous system that deeper healing is needed.

How Therapy Supports Nervous System Repair and Identity Reclamation

Our approach draws from trauma-informed, attachment-based, and somatic models to help survivors gently reconnect with their inner resources.

1. Somatic Therapy for Nervous System Regulation

Using techniques from Somatic Experiencing, Polyvagal Theory, and mindfulness-based practices, clients learn how to track their body’s signals, release survival energy, and return to a state of grounded presence.

“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” – Gabor Maté

By supporting vagal tone and interoceptive awareness, somatic therapy helps survivors regain the sense of internal safety that chronic abuse often strips away.

2. EMDR and Reprocessing of Core Wounds

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) helps clients access the neural networks where traumatic memories live and reprocess them in a way that reduces emotional charge and restores agency. This can be especially useful for survivors of psychological abuse, who often struggle with distorted beliefs like “I am unlovable” or “I deserved it.”

3. Relational and Attachment-Based Therapy

Many survivors grew up in homes where love and harm coexisted. As a result, intimacy may feel dangerous even in safe relationships. Therapy helps identify attachment patterns, build self-trust, and develop healthier relational blueprints.

Reconnecting with Intimacy, Sensuality, and Desire

For survivors, reconnecting with the body and with sexuality is often fraught with shame, fear, or confusion. Some experience sexual aversion or post-coital dysphoria, while others disconnect entirely from their erotic selves.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we believe that sensuality is a birthright, not something you need to earn or perform, but a natural part of being human. Through somatic and sex therapy, we help clients explore:

     — Consent and boundaries from an embodied perspective
   — The difference between safety and familiarity
    — Reclaiming desire on your own terms
— Navigating triggers in partnered intimacy
    — Reframing self-touch and pleasure as acts of empowerment

Finding Meaning in the Aftermath

Leaving an abusive relationship often cracks life wide open. What follows is not just about recovery, but about rediscovery: your preferences, your values, your boundaries, your creativity. This process takes time and requires both grief and grace.

Here are some reflective questions we use with clients:

     — Who were you before the relationship, and how have you changed?
   — What parts of you feel alive now that weren’t allowed before?
   — Where in your life do you want to cultivate beauty, connection, and peace?
— How does your nervous system respond to safety, and how can you honor that?

You Are Not the Pain You Endured

Trauma may shape our story, but it does not have to define our future. With the proper support, the nervous system can relearn safety, relationships can become secure, and the self, once fragmented, can be reintegrated.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in working with survivors of trauma, abuse, and intimate partner violence through a deeply compassionate, neuroscience-informed lens. We offer individual therapy, group support, somatic practices, EMDR intensives, and sexuality-focused care to support every phase of your recovery and reclamation.

Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with a trauma-informed therapist or somatic practitioner and begin the process of reconnecting to your body and to joy today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References:

1. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.

2. Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01

3. Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York: Viking.

Lauren Dummit-Schock 7/29/25 Lauren Dummit-Schock 7/29/25

Building Safety from the Inside Out: How Therapy Supports Nervous System Repair and Trauma Recovery

Building Safety from the Inside Out: How Therapy Supports Nervous System Repair and Trauma Recovery

Learn how therapy can help you build internal and external safety after trauma. Discover neuroscience-backed strategies to restore nervous system regulation, improve relationships, and reconnect with your body.

What does it really mean to feel safe?

For many people living with unresolved trauma, emotional wounds, or attachment injuries, safety is not a given. You may look fine on the outside, functioning at work, showing up for others, managing responsibilities, but underneath, your nervous system may be on constant alert. Perhaps you struggle to trust others, tolerate closeness, or feel at ease in your own body. Even moments of quiet or calm can feel unfamiliar

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in trauma-informed, neuroscience-based therapy that helps individuals and couples build both internal and external safety, as true healing requires both.

In this article, we’ll explore why safety is the foundation of trauma recovery, how therapy helps restore regulation in the body and brain, and practical ways to begin cultivating safety within yourself and in your relationships.

Why Feeling Safe Is So Hard After Trauma

If you’ve experienced trauma, whether acute, chronic, developmental, or relational, it may have disrupted your nervous system’s ability to accurately assess danger and safety. Instead of living in the present, your body may be constantly bracing for threat, even when none is present.

This can manifest as:

— Hyervigilance or jumpiness
— Emotional numbness or dissociation
— Difficulty trusting others or forming close relationships
— Anxiety, depression, or chronic dysregulation
— Shame, self-doubt, or negative self-image

This isn’t a matter of mindset or willpower. According to polyvagal theory (Porges, 2011), trauma affects the autonomic nervous system’s capacity to shift into a state of regulation. In other words, the very systems that tell us when we are safe or in danger become altered by trauma, making it harder to return to a calm, connected state.

What Is Internal Safety?

Internal safety refers to your ability to feel grounded, connected, and regulated within your own body. It means that you can stay present with your emotions without becoming overwhelmed, and that your inner world feels like a place you can inhabit without fear.

Signs of internal safety may include:

— The ability to recognize and name emotions
— Feeling anchored in your body rather than disconnected or dissociated
— Trusting your internal cues and needs
— Self-compassion in moments of discomfort or distress

However, many trauma survivors struggle with internal safety because their bodies were once the site of pain, fear, or helplessness. Re-inhabiting the body after trauma can be a gradual and often tender process.

What Is External Safety?

External safety refers to the relational, environmental, and contextual conditions that allow us to relax and feel secure in our surroundings. It includes feeling emotionally and physically safe with others, having appropriate boundaries, and being in spaces that are not threatening or chaotic.

Examples of external safety in therapy include:

— A therapist who listens without judgment
— Clear, predictable structure and confidentiality
— Respectful pacing that honors your readiness
— Relational attunement and consent-based practices

Therapists trained in trauma-informed care recognize that the therapy space itself must become a sanctuary for repair. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we use a combination of somatic therapy, EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and attachment-based work to create a safe, collaborative container for healing.

How Trauma Disrupts the Experience of Safety

Trauma conditions the body to stay in survival mode, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This affects how you perceive the world, how you relate to others, and how you respond to emotional or physical cues. You might struggle with:

— Overreacting to perceived threats
— Withdrawing from relationships or intimacy
— Feeling “stuck” in anxiety or collapse
— Difficulty trusting even safe people or situations

These responses are not character flaws. They are adaptive nervous system responses developed in the face of overwhelm. The good news is that the brain and body are plastic; they can change through consistent, relational, and body-based interventions.

How Therapy Helps Build Internal and External Safety

Therapy offers a structured, relational space where both kinds of safety can be slowly rebuilt. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we support this process through:

1. Nervous System Regulation

Using somatic therapy, breathwork, and body awareness practices, clients learn to track sensations and begin identifying when they are in a state of dysregulation. Over time, they develop tools to shift into a more grounded state.

2. Trauma-Informed Relationship Building

In the therapy relationship, clients experience attunement, reliability, and emotional co-regulation. This can serve as a corrective experience that supports the development of secure attachment and relational safety.

3. Parts Work and Inner Dialogue

Using Internal Family Systems (IFS), clients explore internal parts that may carry shame, fear, or protective strategies. By fostering compassion and curiosity, therapy helps clients create more internal harmony and less inner conflict.

4. EMDR and Trauma Processing

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps reduce the intensity of trauma memories and allows the nervous system to integrate past experiences without becoming overwhelmed.

5. Psychoeducation and Mindfulness

Understanding how trauma impacts the brain and body can reduce shame and create a sense of agency. Mindfulness and self-compassion practices support clients in staying present and responsive rather than reactive.

Questions to Reflect On

—What does safety feel like in your body? Have you ever experienced it?
— In what environments or relationships do you feel most relaxed or at ease?
— What helps you come back to yourself when you feel overwhelmed?
— What parts of you have had to protect you, and what would safety look like for them?

These questions can serve as starting points in therapy, where the goal is not to erase the past but to create new pathways forward, ones that are rooted in presence, trust, and choice.

The Role of the Body in Reclaiming Safety

Healing trauma requires working with the body, not just the mind. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk (2014), trauma is stored in the nervous system, and talk therapy alone is often not enough to release it. Somatic therapies focus on helping clients reconnect with bodily sensations and use the body as a resource for grounding, integration, and change.

Whether through gentle movement, grounding touch, or awareness of the breath, reconnecting with the body allows clients to regain a sense of safety within themselves, an essential part of long-term healing.

Safety Is Not a Destination but a Practice

For those who have lived in prolonged states of survival, learning to feel safe, internally and externally, can be one of the most transformative outcomes of therapy. It is the foundation for emotional regulation, secure relationships, intimacy, and self-trust.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we are here to walk alongside you with curiosity, attunement, and compassion. Whether you’re navigating trauma, anxiety, relational challenges, or nervous system dysregulation, we provide a supportive, evidence-based, and body-oriented approach to help you build a new relationship with safety from the inside out.

Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you in rediscovering a felt sense of safety and connection to your body. Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated somatic practitioners, trauma specialists, or relationship experts.