Reclaiming Yourself After Abuse: How Survivors Build Strength, Resilience, and a Life of Meaning

Feeling lost after leaving an abusive partner? Discover how survivors rebuild their identity, nervous system, and sense of self through trauma-informed therapy, post-traumatic growth, and embodied recovery. Explore neuroscience-backed strategies for healing with expert guidance from Embodied Wellness and Recovery.

What happens after you finally leave?

After the door closes and the silence settles, many survivors of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse find themselves facing a far more complex and disorienting chapter than they expected. You escaped. You did the hard thing. But why do you still feel so disconnected from yourself, from others, from joy?

The truth is, trauma doesn’t end when the relationship does. Leaving an abusive partner is only the first step. The journey that follows is about reclaiming your voice, rebuilding your nervous system, and redefining what safety and love mean to you.

What Is Survivor Resilience and Why Does It Feel So Hard to Access?

You may feel like a shell of the person you once were, adrift, numb, hypervigilant, or emotionally exhausted. Abuse, especially within intimate relationships, often rewires your sense of identity and worth. Through gaslighting, manipulation, or cycles of harm and repair, your brain and body adapt in ways meant to protect you, but those same adaptations can make connection and healing difficult once the danger has passed.

From a neuroscience perspective, prolonged abuse can cause dysregulation in the autonomic nervous system. Survivors often fluctuate between sympathetic arousal (anxiety, panic, hypervigilance) and parasympathetic shutdown (numbness, depression, freeze states) as the body tries to survive a threat it perceives as constant. Even after you’re physically safe, your brain may still respond as if you’re in danger.

But here's what the science also tells us: neuroplasticity is fundamental. The brain has the remarkable capacity to rewire itself in response to new experiences. Healing experiences can reshape neural pathways, allowing for renewed emotional and relational patterns. The brain and body can learn new patterns of connection and safety with consistent care and regulation. With the proper support, your brain and body can rewire themselves to experience safety, intimacy, and empowerment again. 

Why Post-Traumatic Growth Looks Different After Leaving Abuse

Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is not about finding silver linings in pain. It’s about the growth that emerges not in spite of the trauma, but because of the work survivors do to reclaim their lives after it.

Key dimensions of PTG include:

     — Greater appreciation for life
    — New priorities and a more profound sense of purpose
    — More authentic relationships
    — Increased personal strength
    — Spiritual or existential growth

For survivors of intimate partner violence, this growth often emerges slowly, through trauma-informed therapy, somatic regulation, and meaningful connection with others who see and honor the whole story, not just the pain, but the power it took to leave.

Common Struggles Survivors Face After Leaving an Abusive Partner

Despite feeling hopeful about the future, survivors often report:

     — Loss of identity: “Who am I without them?”
    — Self-doubt or shame: “Why did I stay?”
    — Emotional flashbacks or dissociation
    — Intimacy issues: Fear of closeness, avoidance of touch, or confusion around sexual desire
    — Chronic anxiety or depression
    — Loneliness and grief: Mourning the person they hoped their partner would become

These are not signs of failure. They are signs your body is still adapting, still protecting you, still waiting to learn that the war is over.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we recognize these challenges not as barriers but as entry points, each symptom a communication from the nervous system that deeper healing is needed.

How Therapy Supports Nervous System Repair and Identity Reclamation

Our approach draws from trauma-informed,  attachment-based, and somatic models to help survivors gently reconnect with their inner resources.

1. Somatic Therapy for Nervous System Regulation

Using techniques from Somatic Experiencing, Polyvagal Theory, and mindfulness-based practices, clients learn how to track their body’s signals, release survival energy, and return to a state of grounded presence.

“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” – Gabor Maté

By supporting vagal tone and interoceptive awareness, somatic therapy helps survivors regain the sense of internal safety that chronic abuse often strips away.

2. EMDR and Reprocessing of Core Wounds

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) helps clients access the neural networks where traumatic memories live and reprocess them in a way that reduces emotional charge and restores agency. This can be especially useful for survivors of psychological abuse, who often struggle with distorted beliefs like “I am unlovable” or “I deserved it.”

3. Relational and Attachment-Based Therapy

Many survivors grew up in homes where love and harm coexisted. As a result, intimacy may feel dangerous even in safe relationships. Therapy helps identify attachment patterns, build self-trust, and develop healthier relational blueprints.

Reconnecting with Intimacy, Sensuality, and Desire

For survivors, reconnecting with the body and with sexuality is often fraught with shame, fear, or confusion. Some experience sexual aversion or post-coital dysphoria, while others disconnect entirely from their erotic selves.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we believe that sensuality is a birthright, not something you need to earn or perform, but a natural part of being human. Through somatic and sex therapy, we help clients explore:

     — Consent and boundaries from an embodied perspective
     — The difference between safety and familiarity
    — Reclaiming desire on your own terms
    — Navigating triggers in partnered intimacy
    — Reframing self-touch and pleasure as acts of empowerment

Finding Meaning in the Aftermath

Leaving an abusive relationship often cracks life wide open. What follows is not just about recovery, but about rediscovery: your preferences, your values, your boundaries, your creativity. This process takes time and requires both grief and grace.

Here are some reflective questions we use with clients:

     — Who were you before the relationship, and how have you changed?
     — What parts of you feel alive now that weren’t allowed before?
     — Where in your life do you want to cultivate beauty, connection, and peace?
    — How does your nervous system respond to safety, and how can you honor that?

You Are Not the Pain You Endured

Trauma may shape our story, but it does not have to define our future. With the proper support, the nervous system can relearn safety, relationships can become secure, and the self, once fragmented, can be reintegrated.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in working with survivors of trauma, abuse, and intimate partner violence through a deeply compassionate, neuroscience-informed lens. We offer individual therapy, group support, somatic practices, EMDR intensives, and sexuality-focused care to support every phase of your recovery and reclamation.

Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with a trauma-informed therapist or somatic practitioner and begin the process of reconnecting to your body and to joy today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References:

1. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.

2. Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01

3. Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York: Viking.

Building Safety from the Inside Out: How Therapy Supports Nervous System Repair and Trauma Recovery

Learn how therapy can help you build internal and external safety after trauma. Discover neuroscience-backed strategies to restore nervous system regulation, improve relationships, and reconnect with your body.

What does it really mean to feel safe?

For many people living with unresolved trauma, emotional wounds, or attachment injuries, safety is not a given. You may look fine on the outside, functioning at work, showing up for others, managing responsibilities, but underneath, your nervous system may be on constant alert. Perhaps you struggle to trust others, tolerate closeness, or feel at ease in your own body. Even moments of quiet or calm can feel unfamiliar 

Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in trauma-informed, neuroscience-based therapy that helps individuals and couples build both internal and external safety, as true healing requires both.

In this article, we’ll explore why safety is the foundation of trauma recovery, how therapy helps restore regulation in the body and brain, and practical ways to begin cultivating safety within yourself and in your relationships.

Why Feeling Safe Is So Hard After Trauma

If you’ve experienced trauma, whether acute, chronic, developmental, or relational, it may have disrupted your nervous system’s ability to accurately assess danger and safety. Instead of living in the present, your body may be constantly bracing for threat, even when none is present.

This can manifest as:

     — Hyervigilance or jumpiness
    — Emotional numbness or dissociation
    — Difficulty trusting others or forming close relationships
    — Anxiety, depression, or chronic dysregulation
    — Shame, self-doubt, or negative self-image

This isn’t a matter of mindset or willpower. According to polyvagal theory (Porges, 2011), trauma affects the autonomic nervous system’s capacity to shift into a state of regulation. In other words, the very systems that tell us when we are safe or in danger become altered by trauma, making it harder to return to a calm, connected state.

What Is Internal Safety?

Internal safety refers to your ability to feel grounded, connected, and regulated within your own body. It means that you can stay present with your emotions without becoming overwhelmed, and that your inner world feels like a place you can inhabit without fear.

Signs of internal safety may include:

     — The ability to recognize and name emotions
    — Feeling anchored in your body rather than disconnected or dissociated
    — Trusting your internal cues and needs
    — Self-compassion in moments of discomfort or distress

However, many trauma survivors struggle with internal safety because their bodies were once the site of pain, fear, or helplessness. Re-inhabiting the body after trauma can be a gradual and often tender process.

What Is External Safety?

External safety refers to the relational, environmental, and contextual conditions that allow us to relax and feel secure in our surroundings. It includes feeling emotionally and physically safe with others, having appropriate boundaries, and being in spaces that are not threatening or chaotic.

Examples of external safety in therapy include:

     — A therapist who listens without judgment
    — Clear, predictable structure and confidentiality
    — Respectful pacing that honors your readiness
    — Relational attunement and consent-based practices

Therapists trained in trauma-informed care recognize that the therapy space itself must become a sanctuary for repair. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we use a combination of somatic therapy, EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and attachment-based work to create a safe, collaborative container for healing.

How Trauma Disrupts the Experience of Safety

Trauma conditions the body to stay in survival mode, fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. This affects how you perceive the world, how you relate to others, and how you respond to emotional or physical cues. You might struggle with:

     — Overreacting to perceived threats
    — Withdrawing from relationships or intimacy
      — Feeling “stuck” in anxiety or collapse
    — Difficulty trusting even safe people or situations

These responses are not character flaws. They are adaptive nervous system responses developed in the face of overwhelm. The good news is that the brain and body are plastic; they can change through consistent, relational, and body-based interventions.

How Therapy Helps Build Internal and External Safety

Therapy offers a structured, relational space where both kinds of safety can be slowly rebuilt. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we support this process through:

1. Nervous System Regulation

Using somatic therapy, breathwork, and body awareness practices, clients learn to track sensations and begin identifying when they are in a state of dysregulation. Over time, they develop tools to shift into a more grounded state.

2. Trauma-Informed Relationship Building

In the therapy relationship, clients experience attunement, reliability, and emotional co-regulation. This can serve as a corrective experience that supports the development of secure attachment and relational safety.

3. Parts Work and Inner Dialogue

Using Internal Family Systems (IFS), clients explore internal parts that may carry shame, fear, or protective strategies. By fostering compassion and curiosity, therapy helps clients create more internal harmony and less inner conflict.

4. EMDR and Trauma Processing

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps reduce the intensity of trauma memories and allows the nervous system to integrate past experiences without becoming overwhelmed.

5. Psychoeducation and Mindfulness

Understanding how trauma impacts the brain and body can reduce shame and create a sense of agency. Mindfulness and self-compassion practices support clients in staying present and responsive rather than reactive.

Questions to Reflect On

     —What does safety feel like in your body? Have you ever experienced it?
    — In what environments or relationships do you feel most relaxed or at ease?
    — What helps you come back to yourself when you feel overwhelmed?
    — What parts of you have had to protect you,  and what would safety look like for them?

These questions can serve as starting points in therapy, where the goal is not to erase the past but to create new pathways forward, ones that are rooted in presence, trust, and choice.

The Role of the Body in Reclaiming Safety

Healing trauma requires working with the body, not just the mind. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk (2014), trauma is stored in the nervous system, and talk therapy alone is often not enough to release it. Somatic therapies focus on helping clients reconnect with bodily sensations and use the body as a resource for grounding, integration, and change.

Whether through gentle movement, grounding touch, or awareness of the breath, reconnecting with the body allows clients to regain a sense of safety within themselves, an essential part of long-term healing.

Safety Is Not a Destination but a Practice

For those who have lived in prolonged states of survival, learning to feel safe, internally and externally, can be one of the most transformative outcomes of therapy. It is the foundation for emotional regulation, secure relationships, intimacy, and self-trust.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we are here to walk alongside you with curiosity, attunement, and compassion. Whether you’re navigating trauma, anxiety, relational challenges, or nervous system dysregulation, we provide a supportive, evidence-based, and body-oriented approach to help you build a new relationship with safety from the inside out.

Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you in rediscovering a felt sense of safety and connection to your body. Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated somatic practitioners, trauma specialists, or relationship experts. 

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr. ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References:

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who W Are (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

Betrayal Trauma and the Brain: How Infidelity Impacts Self-Identity and Body Awareness

Discover how betrayal trauma affects the brain, self-identity, and the nervous system and learn somatic and neuroscience-informed tools for reconnection. Embodied Wellness and Recovery specializes in trauma, relationships, nervous system regulation, and intimacy.

What happens to the brain and the body when someone you deeply trusted violates that trust?

Whether it’s infidelity, deception, emotional abandonment, or long-term gaslighting, betrayal trauma disrupts our fundamental sense of reality. For many, it doesn’t just break the relationship; it fractures the nervous system, identity, and even the ability to feel safe inside one’s own skin.

This is not just an emotional wound. It is a biological injury, one that rewires the brain and alters how we see ourselves, others, and the world. And yet, understanding the neurobiology of betrayal trauma offers a pathway toward healing, not through erasing the pain, but through restoring coherence in the body and self.

The Neurobiology of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma activates the brain’s threat detection system in profoundly destabilizing ways. According to neuroscientific research, the brain responds to betrayal in a manner similar to how it responds to physical danger because, on a relational level, it poses a threat to survival.

1. The Amygdala: Alarm System on Overdrive

When betrayal is discovered or suspected, the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, goes into high alert. This leads to emotional flooding, hypervigilance, racing thoughts, insomnia, and somatic symptoms like nausea, shakiness, or chest tightness.

2. The Prefrontal Cortex: Offline During Distress

During trauma, higher-level thinking (handled by the prefrontal cortex) is temporarily impaired. That’s why individuals who have been betrayed may struggle to focus, make decisions, or maintain emotional regulation. Memory recall can feel scrambled or distorted, especially if gaslighting was involved.

3. The Nervous System: Dysregulation and Disembodiment

Betrayal trauma often causes the nervous system to toggle between sympathetic hyperarousal (fight/flight) and dorsal vagal shutdown (freeze/collapse). In these states, the body may feel unsafe, disconnected, or numb. This disconnection can persist long after the betrayal event.

Why Betrayal Trauma Disrupts Self-Identity

When betrayal comes from someone close, such as a partner, parent, or friend, it shatters not just trust in others but also trust in ourselves. Survivors often ask:

     — How could I not have seen this coming?
    — Was I not enough?

     — What does this say about me?
    — Can I ever trust my own judgment again?

These questions aren’t just cognitive; they reflect a deeper rupture in self-concept and embodied identity. Neuroscience reveals that our sense of self is not merely stored in the mind but instead encoded in our interoception, or the brain’s interpretation of bodily signals.

When trust is betrayed, the body itself can begin to feel foreign. Survivors often report:

     — Feeling “outside of themselves”
     — Difficulty recognizing emotions
     — Disrupted eating, sleeping, or sexual patterns

  — A sense of numbness or physical disorientation

This is a form of disembodiment, the body’s survival strategy for overwhelming emotional pain.

The Role of Somatic Therapy in Rebuilding Safety

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand that talk therapy alone may not be enough. The wound of betrayal lives not only in your thoughts but in your nervous system. That’s why our approach integrates somatic therapy, EMDR, and parts work to help clients safely reconnect with themselves.

Somatic Interventions That Support Reconnection:

1. Orienting and Grounding

Simple practices, ike naming colors in the room, feeling your feet on the floor, or holding a warm object, can signal safety to the nervous system.

2. Titrated Body Awareness

Slowly tracking sensation, without flooding, is key. For example: “Notice the sensation in your chest for just three breaths.” This helps restore interoceptive       

awareness.

3. Boundary Mapping

After betrayal, the sense of self/other boundary may blur. Somatic mapping of where “I end and you begin” rebuilds internal safety and trust.

4. Touch and Containment Work

Gentle self-touch (like hand to heart or abdomen) combined with resourcing can activate the parasympathetic nervous system and support emotional

containment.

How EMDR and Parts Work Can Support Self-Trust

Betrayal trauma often results in a fragmentation of self. Survivors may feel at war within, part of them still longing for connection, another part enraged or disgusted, another frozen in grief. These are not symptoms of weakness; they are signs that the psyche is trying to protect itself.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

Using EMDR, we target painful memories of discovery, denial, or relational trauma that are “stuck” in the nervous system. By safely accessing and reprocessing these memories, clients often find that:

     — Their hypervigilance decreases
     — Their ability to trust their body improves
    — Their sense of present-day reality becomes clearer

Parts Work (IFS-Informed)

Betrayal often awakens wounded child parts, those who crave love at any cost. Through parts work, we compassionately help clients unblend these parts from the Self, enabling them to reclaim their adult authority and internal coherence.

Reclaiming the Body After Betrayal

When you’ve experienced betrayal, your body may no longer feel like a safe place. It may feel like it betrayed you, too, by missing red flags, by feeling desire for someone who hurt you, or by going numb in moments of pain.

But the body wasn’t broken. It was protecting you.

Somatic Reconnection Offers a Path to Wholeness:

    — Movement (yoga, walking, shaking) to release survival energy
    — Breathwork to create space between triggers and response
    —  Creative expression to re-establish your voice and power
    — Rituals of self-compassion (like bathing, journaling, or saying “thank you” to your body)

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we guide clients toward embodied sovereignty, a felt sense of “this is my body, my truth, and my boundary.” It’s from this place that true relational repair becomes possible.

Moving Forward: From Survival to Self-Connection

Betrayal trauma can make you question everything, including yourself. However, neuroscience reminds us that the brain and body are plastic. They can reorganize. They can learn safety again.

You don’t have to forget what happened to reclaim yourself. In fact, the work isn’t to erase the past; it’s to reorganize your relationship to it.

Through somatic and neuroscience-informed therapy, it’s possible to:

     — Rebuild nervous system regulation
     — Trust your body’s signals
     — Restore emotional boundaries
    — Reclaim a clear, sovereign sense of self

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery…

We specialize in treating trauma, betrayal, and relationship wounds through a holistic, body-based lens. Our expert clinicians are trained in:

     — EMDR
    — Somatic Experiencing
    — Attachment repair
    — Parts work (IFS-informed)
     — Intimacy and sexuality integration

Whether you’re reeling from infidelity, navigating betrayal in early family life, or trying to reconnect with your body after emotional abuse, we offer steady, compassionate guidance as you move forward, bringing warmth, precision, and deep respect for your process.

Contact us today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation and begin your journey toward embodied connection, clarity, and confidence.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr. ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References:

1. Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse. Harvard University Press.

2. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.

3. Van der Kolk, B. (2015). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books.

The Silent Epidemic of Touch Deprivation: How Lack of Physical Connection Impacts Mental Health, Stress, and Emotional Regulation

Touch deprivation, or touch starvation, leads to chronic stress, anxiety, and emotional dysregulation. Discover neuroscience-backed ways to reconnect and restore.

The Silent Epidemic of Touch Deprivation: How Lack of Physical Connection Impacts Mental Health, Stress, and Emotional Regulation

Have you ever craved a hug so badly it physically ached? Do you find yourself feeling anxious, restless, or emotionally overwhelmed yet unable to pinpoint why?

What if the missing piece isn’t a psychological problem or another life stressor… but the absence of safe, nurturing physical contact?

In an increasingly digital, fast-paced world, many people are experiencing a growing yet invisible crisis: touch deprivation, also known as touch starvation. Though rarely discussed in clinical settings or public health discourse, touch starvation is increasingly recognized by neuroscientists, somatic therapists, and mental health professionals as a major contributor to chronic stress, emotional dysregulation, and social disconnection.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help individuals, couples, and families restore physical and emotional connection, grounded in trauma-informed care, neuroscience, and somatic therapy, In this article, we’ll explore what touch deprivation is, why it matters, and how to begin rebuilding a healthier relationship with your body and the world around you.

What Is Touch Deprivation?

Touch deprivation refers to a chronic lack of nurturing physical contact, such as hugging, cuddling, holding hands, or gentle presence from another human being. Also known as “skin hunger,” this phenomenon occurs when individuals receive less physical affection than their nervous system requires to feel safe, regulated, and connected.

While some may associate the need for touch with infants or young children, the human need for healthy physical contact continues throughout the lifespan. Touch activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which governs relaxation, digestion, and emotional safety. It releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and reduces cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone (Field, 2010).

When safe, attuned touch is missing from daily life, the brain and body respond with symptoms of chronic stress, anxiety, insomnia, depression, and even immune system suppression.

The Neuroscience Behind Touch: Why Our Brains Need Contact

Touch is more than a physical experience; it's a neurological one. As mammals, humans are wired for co-regulation through proximity, eye contact, tone of voice, and, most powerfully, safe touch. When we are touched in caring, consensual ways, several key neurochemical and physiological responses occur:

     — Oxytocin increases feelings of trust, bonding, and empathy
    — Dopamine and serotonin levels rise, promoting pleasure and mood stability
     — Cortisol levels decrease, reducing physical and emotional stress
    — The vagus nerve, a key regulator of the nervous system, becomes activated, allowing the body to shift from survival mode into a state of rest and restoration (Porges, 2011)

These processes don’t just feel good; they are essential for emotional regulation, social bonding, and physical health.

Who Is Most at Risk of Touch Starvation?

Touch deprivation can affect anyone, but some individuals are more vulnerable due to life circumstances, past trauma, or relationship dynamics. High-risk groups include:

     — People living alone or in isolation
    — Elderly individuals, especially in institutional care

    — Adults with touch-averse partners or emotionally distant relationships
    — Survivors of sexual trauma, who may fear or avoid physical contact
   — People with neurodivergent traits, such as those with autism, who may experience sensory overload
    — Professionals in high-stress or high-tech environments who spend long hours in virtual rather than physical connection

The pandemic exacerbated this crisis on a global scale, but even post-pandemic, many have not reestablished regular, nurturing touch in their daily lives.

The Psychological Symptoms of Touch Starvation

Lack of touch doesn’t just cause emotional longing; it disrupts self-regulation at a core level. Common psychological symptoms include:

    — Heightened anxiety or chronic worry
    — Feeling emotionally “numb” or disconnected from your body
    — Difficulty soothing yourself after stress
    — Irritability, mood swings, or sadness without a clear cause
    — Increased craving for unhealthy self-soothing behaviors (e.g., binge eating, compulsive scrolling, substance use)

Touch acts as a regulatory cue to the nervous system. Without it, many people live in a state of hypervigilance or emotional shutdown, often misattributed to character flaws rather than unmet biological needs.

Touch Deprivation and Intimacy in Relationships

In romantic relationships, touch plays a foundational role in creating emotional safety, sexual desire, and secure attachment. When physical affection becomes rare or absent, couples may experience:

     — Emotional distance or disconnection
    — Increased arguments or misunderstandings

  — Sexual avoidance or mismatch in libido
     — Feelings of loneliness, even in the presence of a partner

The good news? Rebuilding touch doesn’t require dramatic changes. Even simple, non-sexual forms of affection, such as hand-holding, cuddling on the couch, or a 20-second hug, can have profound effects on relationship satisfaction and individual well-being.

Reconnecting with Touch: Solutions for the Touch-Deprived

Whether you’re single, in a distant relationship, or recovering from trauma, there are safe and empowering ways to reintroduce nourishing touch into your life. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we guide clients through somatic resourcing, trauma-informed consent practices, and nervous system regulation to restore this vital connection.

Here are a few approaches to consider:

1. Start with Self-Touch

Use self-holding, warm compresses, or place your hands over your heart and belly to begin reconnecting with your own body in a safe, attuned way.

2. Practice Co-Regulation

Spend time with safe, supportive people. Even just being near someone you trust can begin to downregulate your nervous system.

3. Schedule Cuddling or Massage

Seek out trauma-informed bodywork or professional cuddling services that honor boundaries and support emotional healing through touch.

4. Use Weighted Tools

Weighted blankets, stuffed animals, or compression clothing can simulate the calming pressure of touch and promote a sense of containment.

5. Communicate Your Needs in Relationships

Learning to ask for affection, whether that’s a hug, hand-hold, or gentle back rub, is a decisive step toward relational repair and intimacy.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, We Understand Touch as Medicine

Touch is not a luxury; it is a biological necessity for emotional, physical, and relational health. As trauma-informed therapists and somatic healing specialists, our compassionate team of experts helps clients explore their relationship with touch in a way that feels safe, empowering, and healing.

Whether you’re struggling with intimacy in a relationship, navigating the aftershocks of trauma, or simply feeling disconnected from yourself, we offer evidence-based care to support your journey home to your body.

An Essential Form of Nourishment

The next time you feel overwhelmed, shut down, or starved for connection, pause and ask, “Is a part of me simply missing touch?”

With intention and support, you can restore this essential form of nourishment, one safe contact at a time.

Contact us today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation and begin your journey toward embodied connection, clarity, and confidence.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr. ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1.ield, T. (2010). Touch for Socioemotional and Physical Well-Being: A Review. Developmental Review, 30(4), 367–383. 

2. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3. Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.

Stuck in Shame: Understanding Dorsal Vagal Shutdown and How to Regain Your Vitality

Shame can trigger a freeze response or dorsal vagal shutdown, leaving you numb, hopeless, or unable to move forward. Learn the neuroscience behind this trauma response and how somatic therapy, EMDR, and compassionate care at Embodied Wellness and Recovery help restore emotional regulation, vitality, and connection.

Stuck in Shame: Understanding Dorsal Vagal Shutdown and How to Regain Your Vitality

Have you ever made a mistake so painful or experienced a moment so humiliating that you shut down emotionally or even physically? Maybe your mind went blank. Perhaps your body felt heavy, sluggish, or distant. You couldn’t think clearly. Couldn’t speak up. Couldn’t feel much of anything. Just frozen in place.

This isn't a personality flaw or weakness. It's your nervous system doing its best to protect you. But when shame becomes chronic, it can trap you in a state known as dorsal vagal shutdown, a form of physiological immobility that leaves many people feeling helpless, numb, and stuck.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I move forward after what I did?” or “Why do I feel so checked out, even though I want to feel better? Your experience is deeply human, and your nervous system is responding exactly as it was designed to. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in helping individuals understand the neurobiology of shame, reconnect with their sense of agency, and regain a state of connection, vitality, and self-compassion.

What Is Dorsal Vagal Shutdown?

The dorsal vagal state is one branch of the autonomic nervous system, specifically governed by the vagus nerve. According to Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2011), this state is associated with immobilization, which many people experience as freezing, numbing out, collapsing, or dissociating.

Unlike the fight-or-flight response (activated by the sympathetic nervous system), the dorsal vagal response is the body’s ancient survival strategy when neither fighting nor fleeing is possible. Think of a possum playing dead. It's a last-resort mechanism to preserve life in the face of overwhelming threat. In humans, it can feel like profound fatigue, withdrawal, foggy thinking, or emotional deadness.

Shame is one of the most common emotional triggers for dorsal vagal shutdown. It’s not just a feeling; it’s a physiological state.

How Shame Triggers the Freeze Response

Shame arises when we feel deeply flawed, unworthy of love or belonging, especially after violating our own values or being humiliated by others. When shame hits the nervous system hard, the body may automatically go into a state of shutdown to protect against the unbearable emotional pain.

This is especially common for people with trauma histories, developmental neglect, or chronic invalidation. If you’ve ever made a regrettable decision, cheated on a partner, relapsed after years of sobriety, hurt someone you love, and found yourself spiraling into self-loathing, this is your nervous system trying to contain a flood of emotional overwhelm.

The tragic irony? The more shame takes over, the more we lose access to the very capacities that could help us repair: our ability to think clearly, speak up, ask for help, or feel connected to others.

Signs You're in a Dorsal Vagal Shutdown

     — Feeling numb or emotionally flat
    — Difficulty speaking, moving, or making decisions

     — Overwhelming tiredness or heaviness in the body
     — Loss of interest in relationships or activities
     — Shame-based thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I don’t deserve to feel better”
     — Detachment from your own body or surroundings (dissociation)
     — Feeling invisible, voiceless, or like giving up

This state can look like depression on the surface, but it’s often a trauma response stored in the body.

How to Shift Out of a Freeze Response: A Neuroscience-Informed Approach

The good news: the nervous system is capable of neuroplasticity. With the right support, it can learn to shift states from shutdown back into safe connection. But it’s not about forcing yourself to “snap out of it.” It’s about gently co-regulating with safety, compassion, and presence.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, our trauma-informed therapists use modalities like Somatic Experiencing, Attachment-Focused EMDR, and Polyvagal-Informed Therapy to help clients learn how to recognize, tolerate, and gradually shift out of dorsal vagal states.

Here are some neuroscience-backed strategies that help restore functioning:

1. Start with Sensory Grounding, Not Cognitive Processing

When you're in a freeze state, your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for insight and logic, isn’t online. Instead of trying to “think your way out,” start by reconnecting to sensation.

Try:

     — Holding something cold or textured
    — Splashing cool water on your face
    — Pressing your feet into the floor
    — Naming five things you see, four you hear, three you touch…

These somatic cues help signal to the nervous system that it’s safe to return to the present.

2. Name the State Without Judgment

Say to yourself:

“My body is in a dorsal vagal state. This is my nervous system protecting me. I am safe now.”

Naming the physiological state without self-judgment helps reduce shame and builds interoceptive awareness, the ability to recognize internal bodily cues. This is a critical skill in trauma recovery (Price & Hooven, 2018).

3. Co-Regulate with Safe Connection

Connection with another safe human, or even an animal, can be a powerful way to bring your nervous system back online.

Try:

     — Sitting with a therapist or loved one who can hold space without judgment
    — Petting a dog or cat
    — Listening to soothing, relational voices (like an audiobook or guided meditation)

Humans are wired for connection. We heal in the presence of attuned, non-shaming others.

4. Use Movement to Mobilize the Nervous System

Once you feel safe enough, gentle movement can help your body transition from a state of immobilization to one of activation. This could be:

     — Rocking back and forth
    — Rolling your shoulders
    — Walking slowly outdoors
    — Doing yoga or tai chi

The goal is not to “exercise your way out” of shame; it’s to help the body remember what it feels like to move and be alive again.

5. Work with a Trauma-Informed Therapist

Recovery from shame-based shutdown is not a solo journey. A skilled therapist can help you safely access and process the origins of your shame, reconnect with your core self, and create new internal experiences of worthiness and vitality.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in:

     — Attachment-Focused EMDR to process traumatic memories
    — Somatic Resourcing to restore safety in the body
     — Parts Work (like Internal Family Systems) to build compassion for the wounded aspects of yourself
     — Sex and intimacy therapy to repair relational wounds that often carry hidden shame

Why This Matters: Shame and the Loss of Self

When left unaddressed, chronic shame doesn’t just impact your mood; it affects your relationships, your career, your sexuality, your ability to receive love, and your sense of purpose.

In the dorsal vagal state, life feels grey. It’s hard to imagine change. But just like a body can thaw from cold, the nervous system can come back to life.

Your vitality is not gone; it’s just waiting beneath the surface, covered by layers of shame, fear, and protective shutdown. With care, it can be uncovered.

From Shutdown to Self-Compassion

What you did or experienced may feel unforgivable, but you are not unforgivable. The truth is, shame often stems not only from our mistakes, but also from how we were taught to perceive ourselves when we make them.

By understanding the neurobiology of shame and learning how to regulate your nervous system, you can transition from immobilization to engagement, from self-loathing to self-compassion, and from disconnection to reconnection with yourself and others.

If you’re feeling stuck, Embodied Wellness and Recovery offers integrative, trauma-informed care to help you rediscover your voice, your aliveness, and your capacity to love and be loved again.

Contact us today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated somatic practitioners, trauma specialists, or relationship experts, and begin your journey toward embodied connection, clarity, and confidence.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummi

References:
 — Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.

  — Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
  — Price, C. J., & Hooven, C. (2018). Interoceptive Awareness Skills for Emotion Regulation: Theory and Approach of Mindful Awareness in Body-Oriented Therapy (MABT). Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 798. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00798

The Neuroscience of Silliness: Why Playfulness is Essential for Mental Health, Mindfulness, and Stress Relief

Explore the neuroscience behind silliness and playfulness as powerful tools for stress relief, mindfulness, and emotional healing. Learn why letting go of rigidity can improve your mental health and relationships, and how Embodied Wellness and Recovery integrates nervous system-informed therapy to help you reconnect with joy.

Do you ever find yourself taking life so seriously that even joy feels like a task on your to-do list? Do your healing efforts sometimes feel rigid or overly self-disciplined, leaving little room for spontaneity, levity, or laughter?

For many of us, especially those navigating trauma, mental health challenges, or high-functioning stress, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of emotional hypervigilance. We work hard to heal, to grow, to regulate. But in doing so, we can forget something vital: playfulness is not a distraction from growth; it can actually be an influential contributor to our growth and overall sense of well-being.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we see time and again how making space for silliness, laughter, and unstructured fun can help people reconnect with their aliveness. In fact, neuroscience shows that these “non-serious” moments can enhance emotional regulation, deepen mindfulness, and strengthen relationships.

Why Do We Forget to Play?

We live in a culture that often values productivity over presence. Adults are expected to be composed, efficient, and goal-oriented, qualities that may be essential in many areas of life, but can become stifling when overemphasized.

This mindset often gets amplified in personal development and healing spaces. Clients committed to trauma recovery or mental health improvement may feel pressure to "do it right." But hyperfocusing on healing can unintentionally replicate the same inner harshness they’re trying to heal from.

So here’s the question:
What if the antidote to burnout, chronic stress, and emotional rigidity wasn’t more effort but more play?

The Neuroscience of Silliness and Flow

From a neurobiological perspective, play engages and integrates key systems in the brain and nervous system that support emotional resilience, cognitive flexibility, and co-regulation.

According to Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, engaging in playful activities increases activation in the prefrontal cortex (the center for creativity and emotional regulation) while reducing activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear and threat detection system (Brown, 2009). In other words, play calms the body while enhancing curiosity and connection.

Even brief periods of laughter or light-heartedness trigger a surge of dopamine and endorphins, feel-good neurotransmitters that naturally reduce stress and improve mood (Manninen et al., 2017). Play also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, allowing the body to enter a state of “rest and digest,” the opposite of the stress-induced “fight-or-flight” state.

And when you fully immerse yourself in a playful or creative experience, you enter what researchers call a “flow state,” a neurological sweet spot where your brain is focused, your sense of time fades, and your inner critic quiets (Csikszentmihalyi, 2004). This flow state is not only pleasurable; it’s deeply mindful.

Silliness as a Somatic Practice

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients reestablish safety in their bodies. Often, that means learning how to regulate big emotions, sit with discomfort, and repair trauma responses. But it also means learning how to feel spontaneously joyful again.

Many trauma survivors have internalized messages that play is unsafe or frivolous. Silliness may feel foreign, or even threatening. However, our clinicians integrate somatic therapy, EMDR, and nervous system-informed practices to gently reconnect clients with the body’s natural capacity for joy.

That could look like:

     — Laughing freely during a movement-based group therapy session
    — Engaging in improv exercises to support emotional flexibility
    — Using playful imagery during guided somatic visualizations
     — Relearning how to enjoy pleasure, humor, or silliness without guilt

These moments, though light, can offer profound shifts in embodiment, co-regulation, and connection.

How Rigidity Harms the Healing Process

While discipline and intention are valuable in trauma recovery, rigidity can create a nervous system pattern of chronic hypervigilance. When we treat healing like a checklist or a job, we risk reinforcing the same pressure-based internal dynamics we’re trying to dismantle.

Clients often say things like:

     — “I feel guilty if I’m not doing something productive.”
    — “I don’t know how to relax without feeling anxious.”
    — “I’m afraid I’ll lose control if I let go.”

These beliefs are often rooted in trauma, perfectionism, or attachment injuries. They create a loop where even rest and joy feel unsafe or undeserved.

But here’s the truth: the nervous system learns through experience. Play and silliness teach the body that it’s safe to soften, to relax, to enjoy.

Mindfulness Isn’t Always Serious

Mindfulness is often associated with silence, stillness, or solemnity, but this is a limited view. Playfulness is mindfulness in motion. When you're truly immersed in a game, a laugh, or a creative act, you are present. You are not ruminating or dissociating; you are right here, right now.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we teach clients that mindful presence can be cultivated in diverse ways, including:

     — Dancing to your favorite guilty pleasure song
    — Playing make-believe with your child or pet
    — Drawing a silly cartoon without trying to be “good” at it
    — Laughing with friends over something ridiculous

These acts rewire your nervous system for safety and aliveness. They also reinforce secure attachment, especially when shared with others in a co-regulated state.

Making Room for Silliness in Your Healing Journey

So, how do you start integrating silliness and playfulness into your life even if it feels awkward at first?

Here are a few gentle invitations:

1. Schedule Unstructured Time

Allow yourself 30 minutes a week for “non-goal” activities. Color, dance, doodle, build Legos, or watch something funny. Let it be pointless and pleasurable.

2. Laugh with Others

Follow comedians or creators who bring you lightness. Share memes with friends. Laughter is a powerful tool for co-regulation and bonding.

3. Play with Movement

Try a silly dance, a TikTok trend, or roll around on the floor. Somatic therapists often use movement to release stored stress and invite joy.

4. Revisit Childhood Joys

What made you giggle as a child? Rewatch old cartoons, blow bubbles, or sing off-key. These moments reconnect you with inner safety.

5. Let Go of Looking Cool

Playfulness requires vulnerability. Be willing to look ridiculous. It’s where the magic is.

The Embodied Approach: Depth Meets Delight

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we believe that healing doesn’t have to be heavy all the time. In fact, the ability to laugh, to play, and to reconnect with spontaneity is often a sign of deep healing.

We help individuals, couples, and families treat trauma, anxiety, intimacy issues, and emotional dysregulation through a nervous system-informed, attachment-focused lens. Our work is rooted in the belief that you don’t have to choose between depth and delight; your nervous system needs both.

If you're ready to rediscover joy as part of your healing journey, we’re here to support you. Reach out today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with a trauma-informed, somatic therapist at Embodied Wellness and Recovery and begin your journey toward emotional clarity, nervous system balance, and healthier relationships. 

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References
Brown, S. (2009). Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. Avery.
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2004). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper Perennial.
Manninen, S., Tuominen, L., Dunbar, R. I., Karjalainen, T., Hirvonen, J., Arponen, E., ... & Nummenmaa, L. (2017). Social laughter triggers endogenous opioid release in humans. The Journal of Neuroscience, 37(25), 6125-6131.