Stuck in Shame: Understanding Dorsal Vagal Shutdown and How to Regain Your Vitality

Shame can trigger a freeze response or dorsal vagal shutdown, leaving you numb, hopeless, or unable to move forward. Learn the neuroscience behind this trauma response and how somatic therapy, EMDR, and compassionate care at Embodied Wellness and Recovery help restore emotional regulation, vitality, and connection.

Stuck in Shame: Understanding Dorsal Vagal Shutdown and How to Regain Your Vitality

Have you ever made a mistake so painful or experienced a moment so humiliating that you shut down emotionally or even physically? Maybe your mind went blank. Perhaps your body felt heavy, sluggish, or distant. You couldn’t think clearly. Couldn’t speak up. Couldn’t feel much of anything. Just frozen in place.

This isn't a personality flaw or weakness. It's your nervous system doing its best to protect you. But when shame becomes chronic, it can trap you in a state known as dorsal vagal shutdown, a form of physiological immobility that leaves many people feeling helpless, numb, and stuck.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I move forward after what I did?” or “Why do I feel so checked out, even though I want to feel better? Your experience is deeply human, and your nervous system is responding exactly as it was designed to. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in helping individuals understand the neurobiology of shame, reconnect with their sense of agency, and regain a state of connection, vitality, and self-compassion.

What Is Dorsal Vagal Shutdown?

The dorsal vagal state is one branch of the autonomic nervous system, specifically governed by the vagus nerve. According to Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2011), this state is associated with immobilization, which many people experience as freezing, numbing out, collapsing, or dissociating.

Unlike the fight-or-flight response (activated by the sympathetic nervous system), the dorsal vagal response is the body’s ancient survival strategy when neither fighting nor fleeing is possible. Think of a possum playing dead. It's a last-resort mechanism to preserve life in the face of overwhelming threat. In humans, it can feel like profound fatigue, withdrawal, foggy thinking, or emotional deadness.

Shame is one of the most common emotional triggers for dorsal vagal shutdown. It’s not just a feeling; it’s a physiological state.

How Shame Triggers the Freeze Response

Shame arises when we feel deeply flawed, unworthy of love or belonging, especially after violating our own values or being humiliated by others. When shame hits the nervous system hard, the body may automatically go into a state of shutdown to protect against the unbearable emotional pain.

This is especially common for people with trauma histories, developmental neglect, or chronic invalidation. If you’ve ever made a regrettable decision, cheated on a partner, relapsed after years of sobriety, hurt someone you love, and found yourself spiraling into self-loathing, this is your nervous system trying to contain a flood of emotional overwhelm.

The tragic irony? The more shame takes over, the more we lose access to the very capacities that could help us repair: our ability to think clearly, speak up, ask for help, or feel connected to others.

Signs You're in a Dorsal Vagal Shutdown

     — Feeling numb or emotionally flat
    — Difficulty speaking, moving, or making decisions

     — Overwhelming tiredness or heaviness in the body
     — Loss of interest in relationships or activities
     — Shame-based thoughts like “I’m a failure” or “I don’t deserve to feel better”
     — Detachment from your own body or surroundings (dissociation)
     — Feeling invisible, voiceless, or like giving up

This state can look like depression on the surface, but it’s often a trauma response stored in the body.

How to Shift Out of a Freeze Response: A Neuroscience-Informed Approach

The good news: the nervous system is capable of neuroplasticity. With the right support, it can learn to shift states from shutdown back into safe connection. But it’s not about forcing yourself to “snap out of it.” It’s about gently co-regulating with safety, compassion, and presence.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, our trauma-informed therapists use modalities like Somatic Experiencing, Attachment-Focused EMDR, and Polyvagal-Informed Therapy to help clients learn how to recognize, tolerate, and gradually shift out of dorsal vagal states.

Here are some neuroscience-backed strategies that help restore functioning:

1. Start with Sensory Grounding, Not Cognitive Processing

When you're in a freeze state, your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for insight and logic, isn’t online. Instead of trying to “think your way out,” start by reconnecting to sensation.

Try:

     — Holding something cold or textured
    — Splashing cool water on your face
    — Pressing your feet into the floor
    — Naming five things you see, four you hear, three you touch…

These somatic cues help signal to the nervous system that it’s safe to return to the present.

2. Name the State Without Judgment

Say to yourself:

“My body is in a dorsal vagal state. This is my nervous system protecting me. I am safe now.”

Naming the physiological state without self-judgment helps reduce shame and builds interoceptive awareness, the ability to recognize internal bodily cues. This is a critical skill in trauma recovery (Price & Hooven, 2018).

3. Co-Regulate with Safe Connection

Connection with another safe human, or even an animal, can be a powerful way to bring your nervous system back online.

Try:

     — Sitting with a therapist or loved one who can hold space without judgment
    — Petting a dog or cat
    — Listening to soothing, relational voices (like an audiobook or guided meditation)

Humans are wired for connection. We heal in the presence of attuned, non-shaming others.

4. Use Movement to Mobilize the Nervous System

Once you feel safe enough, gentle movement can help your body transition from a state of immobilization to one of activation. This could be:

     — Rocking back and forth
    — Rolling your shoulders
    — Walking slowly outdoors
    — Doing yoga or tai chi

The goal is not to “exercise your way out” of shame; it’s to help the body remember what it feels like to move and be alive again.

5. Work with a Trauma-Informed Therapist

Recovery from shame-based shutdown is not a solo journey. A skilled therapist can help you safely access and process the origins of your shame, reconnect with your core self, and create new internal experiences of worthiness and vitality.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in:

     — Attachment-Focused EMDR to process traumatic memories
    — Somatic Resourcing to restore safety in the body
     — Parts Work (like Internal Family Systems) to build compassion for the wounded aspects of yourself
     — Sex and intimacy therapy to repair relational wounds that often carry hidden shame

Why This Matters: Shame and the Loss of Self

When left unaddressed, chronic shame doesn’t just impact your mood; it affects your relationships, your career, your sexuality, your ability to receive love, and your sense of purpose.

In the dorsal vagal state, life feels grey. It’s hard to imagine change. But just like a body can thaw from cold, the nervous system can come back to life.

Your vitality is not gone; it’s just waiting beneath the surface, covered by layers of shame, fear, and protective shutdown. With care, it can be uncovered.

From Shutdown to Self-Compassion

What you did or experienced may feel unforgivable, but you are not unforgivable. The truth is, shame often stems not only from our mistakes, but also from how we were taught to perceive ourselves when we make them.

By understanding the neurobiology of shame and learning how to regulate your nervous system, you can transition from immobilization to engagement, from self-loathing to self-compassion, and from disconnection to reconnection with yourself and others.

If you’re feeling stuck, Embodied Wellness and Recovery offers integrative, trauma-informed care to help you rediscover your voice, your aliveness, and your capacity to love and be loved again.

Contact us today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated somatic practitioners, trauma specialists, or relationship experts, and begin your journey toward embodied connection, clarity, and confidence.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummi

References:
 — Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.

  — Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
  — Price, C. J., & Hooven, C. (2018). Interoceptive Awareness Skills for Emotion Regulation: Theory and Approach of Mindful Awareness in Body-Oriented Therapy (MABT). Frontiers in Psychology, 9, 798. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.00798

The Neuroscience of Silliness: Why Playfulness is Essential for Mental Health, Mindfulness, and Stress Relief

Explore the neuroscience behind silliness and playfulness as powerful tools for stress relief, mindfulness, and emotional healing. Learn why letting go of rigidity can improve your mental health and relationships, and how Embodied Wellness and Recovery integrates nervous system-informed therapy to help you reconnect with joy.

Do you ever find yourself taking life so seriously that even joy feels like a task on your to-do list? Do your healing efforts sometimes feel rigid or overly self-disciplined, leaving little room for spontaneity, levity, or laughter?

For many of us, especially those navigating trauma, mental health challenges, or high-functioning stress, it’s easy to fall into a pattern of emotional hypervigilance. We work hard to heal, to grow, to regulate. But in doing so, we can forget something vital: playfulness is not a distraction from growth; it can actually be an influential contributor to our growth and overall sense of well-being.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we see time and again how making space for silliness, laughter, and unstructured fun can help people reconnect with their aliveness. In fact, neuroscience shows that these “non-serious” moments can enhance emotional regulation, deepen mindfulness, and strengthen relationships.

Why Do We Forget to Play?

We live in a culture that often values productivity over presence. Adults are expected to be composed, efficient, and goal-oriented, qualities that may be essential in many areas of life, but can become stifling when overemphasized.

This mindset often gets amplified in personal development and healing spaces. Clients committed to trauma recovery or mental health improvement may feel pressure to "do it right." But hyperfocusing on healing can unintentionally replicate the same inner harshness they’re trying to heal from.

So here’s the question:
What if the antidote to burnout, chronic stress, and emotional rigidity wasn’t more effort but more play?

The Neuroscience of Silliness and Flow

From a neurobiological perspective, play engages and integrates key systems in the brain and nervous system that support emotional resilience, cognitive flexibility, and co-regulation.

According to Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, engaging in playful activities increases activation in the prefrontal cortex (the center for creativity and emotional regulation) while reducing activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear and threat detection system (Brown, 2009). In other words, play calms the body while enhancing curiosity and connection.

Even brief periods of laughter or light-heartedness trigger a surge of dopamine and endorphins, feel-good neurotransmitters that naturally reduce stress and improve mood (Manninen et al., 2017). Play also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, allowing the body to enter a state of “rest and digest,” the opposite of the stress-induced “fight-or-flight” state.

And when you fully immerse yourself in a playful or creative experience, you enter what researchers call a “flow state,” a neurological sweet spot where your brain is focused, your sense of time fades, and your inner critic quiets (Csikszentmihalyi, 2004). This flow state is not only pleasurable; it’s deeply mindful.

Silliness as a Somatic Practice

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients reestablish safety in their bodies. Often, that means learning how to regulate big emotions, sit with discomfort, and repair trauma responses. But it also means learning how to feel spontaneously joyful again.

Many trauma survivors have internalized messages that play is unsafe or frivolous. Silliness may feel foreign, or even threatening. However, our clinicians integrate somatic therapy, EMDR, and nervous system-informed practices to gently reconnect clients with the body’s natural capacity for joy.

That could look like:

     — Laughing freely during a movement-based group therapy session
    — Engaging in improv exercises to support emotional flexibility
    — Using playful imagery during guided somatic visualizations
     — Relearning how to enjoy pleasure, humor, or silliness without guilt

These moments, though light, can offer profound shifts in embodiment, co-regulation, and connection.

How Rigidity Harms the Healing Process

While discipline and intention are valuable in trauma recovery, rigidity can create a nervous system pattern of chronic hypervigilance. When we treat healing like a checklist or a job, we risk reinforcing the same pressure-based internal dynamics we’re trying to dismantle.

Clients often say things like:

     — “I feel guilty if I’m not doing something productive.”
    — “I don’t know how to relax without feeling anxious.”
    — “I’m afraid I’ll lose control if I let go.”

These beliefs are often rooted in trauma, perfectionism, or attachment injuries. They create a loop where even rest and joy feel unsafe or undeserved.

But here’s the truth: the nervous system learns through experience. Play and silliness teach the body that it’s safe to soften, to relax, to enjoy.

Mindfulness Isn’t Always Serious

Mindfulness is often associated with silence, stillness, or solemnity, but this is a limited view. Playfulness is mindfulness in motion. When you're truly immersed in a game, a laugh, or a creative act, you are present. You are not ruminating or dissociating; you are right here, right now.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we teach clients that mindful presence can be cultivated in diverse ways, including:

     — Dancing to your favorite guilty pleasure song
    — Playing make-believe with your child or pet
    — Drawing a silly cartoon without trying to be “good” at it
    — Laughing with friends over something ridiculous

These acts rewire your nervous system for safety and aliveness. They also reinforce secure attachment, especially when shared with others in a co-regulated state.

Making Room for Silliness in Your Healing Journey

So, how do you start integrating silliness and playfulness into your life even if it feels awkward at first?

Here are a few gentle invitations:

1. Schedule Unstructured Time

Allow yourself 30 minutes a week for “non-goal” activities. Color, dance, doodle, build Legos, or watch something funny. Let it be pointless and pleasurable.

2. Laugh with Others

Follow comedians or creators who bring you lightness. Share memes with friends. Laughter is a powerful tool for co-regulation and bonding.

3. Play with Movement

Try a silly dance, a TikTok trend, or roll around on the floor. Somatic therapists often use movement to release stored stress and invite joy.

4. Revisit Childhood Joys

What made you giggle as a child? Rewatch old cartoons, blow bubbles, or sing off-key. These moments reconnect you with inner safety.

5. Let Go of Looking Cool

Playfulness requires vulnerability. Be willing to look ridiculous. It’s where the magic is.

The Embodied Approach: Depth Meets Delight

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we believe that healing doesn’t have to be heavy all the time. In fact, the ability to laugh, to play, and to reconnect with spontaneity is often a sign of deep healing.

We help individuals, couples, and families treat trauma, anxiety, intimacy issues, and emotional dysregulation through a nervous system-informed, attachment-focused lens. Our work is rooted in the belief that you don’t have to choose between depth and delight; your nervous system needs both.

If you're ready to rediscover joy as part of your healing journey, we’re here to support you. Reach out today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with a trauma-informed, somatic therapist at Embodied Wellness and Recovery and begin your journey toward emotional clarity, nervous system balance, and healthier relationships. 

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References
Brown, S. (2009). Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. Avery.
Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2004). Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper Perennial.
Manninen, S., Tuominen, L., Dunbar, R. I., Karjalainen, T., Hirvonen, J., Arponen, E., ... & Nummenmaa, L. (2017). Social laughter triggers endogenous opioid release in humans. The Journal of Neuroscience, 37(25), 6125-6131.