Why Asking ‘Why Me?’ Can Be the First Step to Healing Trauma and Reclaiming Meaning

Wondering "Why me?" after trauma? Learn how this question can become a catalyst for healing, meaning-making, and deep nervous system repair.

Why Asking “Why Me?” Can Be the First Step to Healing Trauma and Reclaiming Meaning

Trauma has a way of shattering the stories we tell ourselves about the world, about safety, fairness, identity, and control. And in the aftermath, one of the most common and agonizing questions that arises is: “Why me?”

Maybe you’ve asked this in a quiet moment, tears streaming down your face. Perhaps you’ve screamed it into the void. Or maybe it’s lingered silently, under the surface of your day-to-day functioning, driving your anxiety, depression, or shame.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we’ve heard this question from countless clients, survivors of abuse, betrayal, chronic illness, accidents, abandonment, and more. And while the question may feel like a roadblock, it can actually be a profound doorway: a starting point for meaning-making, nervous system repair, and more profound healing than you ever thought possible.

Why “Why Me?” Hurts So Much

The question “Why me?” often arises from a place of shock, grief, or injustice. It's a cry from the part of us that still believes in a moral universe, where if we do good, we should receive good. So when trauma strikes, it’s not just painful; it feels disorienting, even existential.

This question becomes especially heavy when paired with:

    — Survivor’s guilt
    — Self-blame or shame
    — A history of repeated trauma
    — Unprocessed childhood attachment wounds

It’s natural to seek meaning after trauma. In fact, meaning-making is one of the key predictors of post-traumatic growth, a concept in trauma research that describes the possibility of becoming more resilient, self-aware, and connected after surviving adversity (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 2004).

But Neuroscience Tells Us This: Trauma Disconnects Before It Can Integrate

When a traumatic event occurs, the amygdala (the brain’s threat detection system) hijacks the nervous system. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for logic, language, and meaning, goes offline. This is why you might find yourself stuck in repetitive thoughts, emotional flooding, or dissociation.

Asking “Why me?” can feel like searching for answers in the fog. But that doesn’t mean the question is wrong; it means your nervous system needs support to process it. This is where somatic and trauma-informed approaches like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Somatic Experiencing, and parts work come in. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients slow down, regulate, and return to the question from a place of curiosity rather than collapse.

When “Why Me?” Becomes a Catalyst for Healing

The transformation happens not by dismissing the question, but by expanding it:

     — What meaning am I attaching to this event?
    — What old wounds or beliefs has this trauma reactivated?
    — What needs to be grieved, acknowledged, or reclaimed?
    — How might I grow from this, not despite it, but because of how I tend to it?

This is the work of narrative integration, the process of transforming trauma into a story, chaos into coherence, and pain into purpose. According to Dr. Dan Siegel’s research on mindsight and narrative repair, this kind of integration strengthens brain functioning, self-awareness, and emotional regulation (Siegel, 2010).

Reclaiming Agency Through Meaning-Making

Here’s the shift: “Why me?” is no longer a question asked from powerlessness, but from self-inquiry.

Consider how trauma-informed therapy can help reframe and rewire:

Old Thought New Perspective Through Healing

Why did this happen to me? What is this pain inviting me to learn or unlearn?

I must have done something wrong. No one deserves to be hurt; this wasn’t my fault.

I’ll never be the same. I’ve changed, but I get to decide what that means.

In EMDR, for example, clients reprocess not only memories but also the core beliefs that accompany them. These might include “I’m unsafe,” “I’m broken,” or “I’m unlovable.” Through bilateral stimulation and targeted memory work, these beliefs are replaced with adaptive truths, like “I survived,” “I’m resilient,” and “I can trust myself again.”

From Suffering to Sacred Inquiry

In many spiritual and philosophical traditions, the question “Why me?” is not viewed as futile but as sacred. It’s the human impulse to understand, to connect, to assign value to our pain. In this way, the question itself is an act of resilience.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we invite clients to explore not only the psychological but also the spiritual dimensions of trauma recovery. This includes:

     — Rebuilding a sense of trust in self, others, or the universe
    — Exploring existential beliefs that were fractured by trauma
    — Engaging in practices of self-compassion, embodiment, and ritual

These elements can be deeply grounding for survivors who feel emotionally fragmented or disconnected from a larger sense of purpose.

How We Help Clients Turn “Why Me?” Into “What Now?”

Our trauma-informed, somatic, and neuroscience-based approach includes:

1. EMDR Therapy

To reprocess the stuck memories and beliefs that keep the nervous system in survival mode.

2. Somatic Therapy

To bring the body into the healing process through grounding, movement, and interoception, helping clients feel safe and present again.

3. Parts Work/Internal Family Systems (IFS)

To build inner relationships with the wounded parts that carry the shame, fear, and grief associated with trauma.

4. Narrative and Meaning-Making Therapy

To support the integration of trauma into a coherent, empowered personal story.

What If the Question Isn’t the Problem?

What if “Why me?” is not something to silence or escape but something to stay with, gently, until the nervous system is ready to metabolize the pain?

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we don’t rush this process. We walk with you through it. Our team specializes in trauma, mental health, relationships, sexuality, and intimacy because we know trauma touches every layer of who we are. You don’t have to erase the question. You get to rewrite the story in which it resides.  Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated therapists and take the next step toward a regulated nervous system today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician's Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration. W. W. Norton & Company.

Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15327965pli1501_01

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Viking.

Living in Overdrive: The Overlooked Link Between Trauma, ADHD, and Nervous System Dysregulation

What is the link between ADHD and chronic sympathetic nervous system activation? Learn how trauma stored in the body can mimic or amplify ADHD symptoms—and how somatic therapy offers hope for regulation and healing.

What Is the Connection Between ADHD and Excess Sympathetic Nervous System Arousal from a Trauma Response Stored in the Body?

Do you often feel constantly “on,” as if your body is revving in high gear—even when you’re exhausted?

Are you easily distracted, reactive, and struggling to sit still, even in moments of supposed rest?

Does your mind race, your body tense, and your sleep disrupted—despite attempts to calm down?

If you resonate with these experiences, you may be living with sympathetic nervous system overactivation—a chronic state of fight-or-flight. For many people diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), especially those with trauma histories, this nervous system dysregulation plays a central yet often overlooked role.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in treating trauma not just cognitively but somatically—understanding how the body stores trauma and how it can influence attention, emotional regulation, and relational safety. This blog will explore the neuroscience behind this phenomenon and offer compassionate, body-based solutions.

Understanding the Sympathetic Nervous System: Your Body’s Accelerator

The sympathetic nervous system (SNS) is part of your autonomic nervous system, which regulates involuntary bodily functions like heart rate, digestion, and respiration. When the SNS is activated, it prepares your body for survival—this is the fight-or-flight response:

     – Heart rate increases
     – Breathing becomes shallow
    – Muscles tense
     – Focus narrows on potential threats

This response is adaptive in acute danger. However,  when trauma is unresolved or chronic, the body can remain stuck in a state of sympathetic overdrive, even in the absence of present-day threats.

ADHD and Chronic Nervous System Dysregulation

ADHD is often described as a neurodevelopmental disorder involving challenges with attention, impulsivity, and executive function. But these symptoms don’t occur in a vacuum.

Emerging research reveals that many ADHD symptoms may intersect with trauma-related nervous system dysregulation—particularly sympathetic dominance. Here’s how:

     – Hyperactivity can reflect internal hyperarousal
     – Impulsivity may be a survival response (fight or flee)
    – Inattention can stem from mental exhaustion or dissociation
     – Emotional dysregulation often correlates with a nervous system stuck in high alert

In this light, what we label as ADHD may, for some, be a nervous system adaptation to early life stress, neglect, or trauma.

The Role of Stored Trauma in ADHD-like Symptoms

Trauma is not just a psychological experience—it lives in the body. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, trauma reshapes both the brain and the body, altering how we respond to the world (van der Kolk, 2014).

When trauma is stored in the body, it creates chronic activation of the sympathetic nervous system. Over time, this baseline of hypervigilance can resemble or exacerbate ADHD symptoms:

     – Difficulty sitting still (a body on alert)
     – Scattered attention (focus hijacked by perceived threat)
    – Interrupting or talking over others (survival-driven impulsivity)
     – Trouble sleeping (anxiety lodged in the nervous system)

It’s not that ADHD and trauma are the same, but in many cases, ADHD, like behaviors may reflect trauma responses embedded in the body’s physiology.

The Window of Tolerance: When Regulation Is Out of Reach

Trauma reduces our “window of tolerance”—the range of nervous system states within which we can function optimally. In ADHD and trauma, individuals may fluctuate between:

     – Hyperarousal (sympathetic state): anxiety, agitation, panic, anger
     – Hypoarousal (parasympathetic collapse): fatigue, freeze, disconnection

This leads to internal chaos that can look like classic ADHD but is, at its root, a nervous system attempting to protect you.

The ADHD–Trauma Overlap: Misdiagnosis and Missed Opportunities

This overlap raises essential questions:

      – What if ADHD isn’t just a brain-based disorder but also a trauma-informed adaptation?
     – Could somatic healing of the nervous system reduce or recalibrate ADHD symptoms?
      – Are we treating attention problems with stimulants when the underlying issue is unresolved trauma?

It’s crucial not to pathologize survival strategies. What may look like disorganization or distractibility might actually be your body doing its best to stay safe.

Hope and Healing Through Somatic and Trauma-Informed Therapy

The good news is that neuroplasticity—the brain and body’s ability to rewire—offers hope. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we take a holistic approach to ADHD and trauma, integrating:

      – Somatic Experiencing: Gently releases stored trauma through body-based awareness and movement
     – Polyvagal-informed therapy: Builds nervous system regulation and expands the window of tolerance
     – EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Reprocesses traumatic memories that keep the nervous system stuck
      – Trauma-Sensitive Yoga & Breathwork: Helps the body downshift from sympathetic to parasympathetic states
    – Mindfulness and lifestyle interventions: Encourage slower pacing, grounding, and body trust

Healing isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about reconnecting with what’s always been wise within you.

Practical Tools to Soothe a Sympathetically Charged Nervous System

If you’re experiencing chronic stress, ADHD symptoms, or trauma responses, here are a few nervous system-friendly practices to begin with:

     – Walk more slowly throughout the day
    – Eat meals without distractions
     – Practice deep, diaphragmatic breathing
     – Spend time in nature daily
     – Limit digital stimulation
     – Hold a warm object (mug, heat pack) to signal safety to your body

Each small act of slowness tells your nervous system: You are safe now.

You’re Not Alone—and You’re Not “Too Much”

So many individuals, especially those with trauma histories, feel shame around their ADHD symptoms—believing they’re too scattered, too intense, and too emotional. But what if your body is simply doing its best to protect you?

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we see through the lens of compassion and neuroscience. You’re not defective. You’re a brilliant, adaptive human whose body has learned how to survive. And now—with the proper support—it can learn how to thrive.

If This Resonates…

If you’re wondering whether your ADHD symptoms might be linked to unresolved trauma or nervous system dysregulation, we invite you to reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation. Whether through 1:1 somatic therapy, EMDR intensives, or trauma-informed coaching, we’re here to support your healing.

You don’t have to live in overdrive. Let us help you restore balance, calm, and self-trust.

📍 Serving Los Angeles, Nashville, and clients nationwide (via telehealth)

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.

The Science of Reconnection: Using Somatic Therapy to Heal After Relationship Trauma

Discover how somatic therapy helps couples repair after betrayal, conflict, or emotional disconnection by healing the nervous system. Learn how body-based, trauma-informed approaches restore safety, trust, and intimacy in relationships.

Somatic Therapy in Couples Work: A Body-Based Path to Reconnection

Have you ever tried to fix a conflict with your partner through calm words—only to feel stuck in the same cycle of disconnection, tension, or shutdown?

It’s a common and deeply painful experience: after an emotional rupture—whether it’s betrayal, chronic conflict, or emotional withdrawal—many couples struggle to feel safe with one another again. They may say all the right things, but the feeling of closeness never quite returns.

That’s because healing isn’t just cognitive—it’s somatic.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in helping couples heal through the lens of trauma-informed, body-based therapy. Using approaches grounded in neuroscience and somatic psychology, we help couples move beyond communication scripts and into the deeper work of nervous system repair, embodied safety, and relational trust.

💔 What Happens in the Body During a Relationship Rupture?

When a rupture happens—whether it’s a fight, betrayal, or repeated disconnection—your nervous system perceives danger. You may:

     – Go into fight mode (arguing, blaming, controlling)
    – Shut down into freeze (going numb, stonewalling)
    – Move into flight (emotionally or physically distancing)
    – Fawn to avoid conflict (self-abandonment, appeasing)

These responses aren’t character flaws—they’re biological survival strategies. According to the polyvagal theory, our nervous systems are constantly scanning for cues of safety or threat (Porges, 2011). When emotional safety breaks down in a relationship, the body responds to protect itself—even if that protection looks like defensiveness, withdrawal, or numbness.

This is why rational conversation often fails after conflict. The couple may try to “talk it through,” but one or both partners are stuck in a protective response—unable to truly listen, feel, or connect.

🌿 Why Somatic Therapy Helps Where Words Fall Short

Somatic therapy brings the body into the healing process. Rather than relying solely on conversation, it supports couples in:

     – Noticing nervous system patterns that show up in conflict
    – Regulating emotional intensity through breath, movement, and sensation
    – Creating new embodied experiences of connection and repair
    – Building co-regulation skills to calm and soothe each other in real time

In couples therapy, we often begin by helping each partner learn their own nervous system patterns—when they get activated, how it feels in the body, and what helps them return to a sense of safety.

From there, we guide the couple through mindful, body-aware repair practices that allow them to reconnect through shared presence rather than pressure or performance.

🔄 What Somatic Couples Therapy Might Look Like

In a somatic session, we might:

     – Invite a partner to notice where they feel tension when recalling a recent conflict
    – Practice grounding and orienting to settle the body before dialogue
    – Use gentle touch or eye contact (with consent) to explore felt safety
    – Support one partner in co-regulating the other through breath and voice
    – Guide partners to identify somatic boundaries and express them safely

These practices help rewire not just beliefs but also the felt sense of the relationship. Instead of replaying old emotional patterns, couples build new neural circuits of safety, trust, and responsiveness (Siegel, 2010).

🧠 The Neuroscience of Repair

When safety and connection are present, the body moves into the ventral vagal state—a regulated nervous system mode where empathy, curiosity, and intimacy are possible. From this state:

     – Partners can access vulnerability
    – Old trauma responses soften
    – Emotional repair becomes embodied, not forced
    – The brain releases oxytocin (bonding hormone), creating trust and closeness

Somatic therapy isn’t just about calming down—it’s about creating a new experience in the body that contradicts the trauma of disconnection.

💬 Common Questions Couples Ask After a Rupture

     – “Can we ever truly trust each other again?”
    – “Why do I shut down when we get close?”
    – “Why do I feel so anxious—even when things are going well?”
    – “How do we reconnect after betrayal?”
    – “We’ve done talk therapy—why does nothing change?”

These questions reveal deeper layers of attachment wounds, nervous system dysregulation, and trauma stored in the body. Somatic couples therapy helps answer these questions through experience, not just explanation.

🌱 Hope Is Found in the Body

One of the most powerful realizations in somatic work is this: your body wants to heal.
It doesn’t need to be forced or fixed—it simply needs the right conditions for safety, connection, and attunement.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we support couples in building:

     – Emotional attunement through right-brain-to-right-brain presence
    – Secure attachment through consistent repair
    – Embodied trust by co-regulating in moments of conflict and closeness
    – Resilience to navigate future challenges with compassion

Whether you're healing from betrayal, navigating intimacy issues, or struggling with emotional reactivity, somatic therapy offers a path back to each other—through the innate intelligence of the body.

❤️‍🩹 How We Work at Embodied Wellness and Recovery

We offer trauma-informed couples therapy rooted in:

     – Somatic Experiencing® and body-based trauma healing
    – Attachment-Focused EMDR
    – Polyvagal-informed practices
    – Relational neuroscience and nervous system education

Serving couples in Los Angeles, Nashville, and virtually, we tailor each session to the unique emotional and physiological needs of each relationship. Our goal is not just to resolve conflict but to help partners feel deeply connected, safe, and whole together.

Your relationship deserves healing that goes deeper than words.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we’re here to help you rediscover each other with presence, safety, and compassion.

Repair doesn’t happen through words—it happens through presence. Let us walk with you. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated couples therapists, somatic practitioners, EMDR providers, and trauma specialists and begin your journey to reconnection today.

🧠 Schedule a consultation with a somatic couples therapist
🌿 Learn more about our trauma-informed relationship therapy
📍 In-person in Los Angeles & Nashville | Virtual available nationwide

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References 

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician's Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration. W. W. Norton & Company.

Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.