The Liminal Mindset: How Curiosity Over Rightness Expands Perspective and Heals Relationships
The Liminal Mindset: How Curiosity Over Rightness Expands Perspective and Heals Relationships
Discover what a liminal mindset means and how cultivating curiosity instead of judgment expands perspective, deepens empathy, and strengthens relationships through trust and understanding.
When Not Feeling Heard Hurts Most
Do you ever feel unseen or dismissed in your relationship because your partner refuses to open their mind to a different perspective? Do arguments often spiral into battles where winning becomes more important than understanding?
This painful cycle leaves both partners disconnected. One feels invisible, while the other defends their position to preserve certainty. Over time, conversations stop being about connection and instead revolve around being right.
But there is another way. By stepping into a liminal mindset, couples can shift from rigid thinking toward openness, curiosity, and genuine relational growth.
What Does “Liminal Mindset” Mean?
The word liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold. A liminal mindset is the willingness to stand at the threshold of uncertainty without rushing to judgment. Instead of clinging to what feels “obvious” or “right,” this mindset welcomes multiple perspectives, recognizing that our truths are shaped by personal history, cultural messages, and limited vantage points.
In relationships, adopting a liminal mindset allows us to soften our grip on certainty. Rather than defending, we begin asking:
— Could my partner’s perspective hold truth I have not yet considered?
— How do my past experiences and cultural messages shape what I believe is “obvious”?
— What might change if I valued connection over certainty?
Why We See the Same Facts Differently
Neuroscience tells us that perception is not purely objective. The brain filters every experience through memories, emotional states, and cultural conditioning. What feels like “fact” is often a constructed belief.
— Cognitive Bias: Our brains are wired to confirm what we already believe, a process called confirmation bias.
— Emotional Imprints: Trauma and past experiences prime the nervous system to interpret events through the lens of safety or danger.
— Cultural Narratives: Societal messages about gender, roles, or power influence what feels right or normal.
When couples argue, they are not just clashing over facts. They are colliding with each other’s nervous systems, histories, and worldviews.
Relationality Over Rightness
When conversations focus on rightness, they often escalate into defensiveness. The nervous system moves into fight-or-flight mode, leaving little room for empathy. Instead of feeling safe, partners feel threatened.
Relationality shifts the focus. It is the act of prioritizing connection over victory, curiosity over certainty. In practice, relationality means asking:
— How can I understand your perspective even if I disagree?
— What does this disagreement reveal about our different experiences?
— What matters more: being right, or being connected?
Relationality transforms arguments into opportunities for intimacy. By leaning into curiosity, couples strengthen trust, emotional safety, and compassion.
Cultivating Curiosity Instead of Judgment
Curiosity is the antidote to rigid thinking. It creates space for multiple truths and invites the nervous system into regulation rather than defense. Here are practices to cultivate curiosity in your relationship:
1. Pause Before Reacting
Notice when your body tightens or your voice sharpens. These are signals that your nervous system is shifting into defense. Take a breath before responding.
2. Ask Questions, Not Accusations
Instead of saying, “You’re wrong,” try:
— “What experiences led you to see it that way?”
— “Can you help me understand how you arrived at that conclusion?”
3. Name the Impact of Beliefs
Acknowledge how past experiences influence present perspectives:
— “I realize my upbringing makes me see this differently.”
— “Your experiences shaped your view in a way I want to honor.”
4. Expand the Lens
Challenge yourself to ask: What else could be true here? This opens possibilities beyond binary thinking.
How Asking Questions Strengthens Trust
When partners shift from judgment to inquiry, something profound happens: safety returns. The nervous system calms, oxytocin (the bonding hormone) increases, and vulnerability feels less threatening.
Questions signal:
— I want to know you more deeply.
— I value your perspective even when it differs from mine.
— Our relationship matters more than my ego.
This builds a foundation of trust where differences are not threats but invitations to expand perspective.
The Role of Trauma and Nervous System Repair
For many couples, rigid thinking and defensiveness are not just personality quirks. They are nervous system responses rooted in trauma. When past experiences taught the body that disagreement equals danger, the nervous system reacts automatically with fight, flight, or freeze.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we integrate trauma therapy, EMDR, and somatic approaches to help couples repair these patterns. By regulating the nervous system, partners gain the capacity to stay present, curious, and compassionate during conflict.
Pathways Toward Relational Growth
If you long to feel seen, heard, and respected in your relationship, consider these steps:
Adopt a Liminal Mindset: Enter conversations without needing to know or prove the outcome.
Prioritize Relationality: Choose connection over correctness.
Practice Curiosity Daily: Ask one question each day designed to learn, not to challenge.
Seek Support: Trauma-informed therapy can help partners uncover the deeper roots of defensiveness and rebuild trust.
How Embodied Wellness and Recovery Can Help
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we guide individuals and couples in learning to regulate their nervous systems, heal trauma, and cultivate intimacy grounded in empathy rather than ego. Our approach blends neuroscience, somatic practices, and relational therapy to help couples:
— Understand why defensiveness arises in conflict.
— Create safety through curiosity and open dialogue.
— Rebuild intimacy and trust by moving beyond the need to be right.
— Explore how cultural beliefs and personal histories shape relational patterns.
When couples adopt a liminal mindset and practice relationality over rightness, they not only expand perspective, they expand love.
From Certainty to Curiosity
A liminal mindset is not about abandoning beliefs. It is about holding them lightly enough to invite in new truths. When couples cultivate curiosity instead of judgment, they transform painful conflict into opportunities for deeper connection.
By shifting from being right to being relational, partners create a space where empathy thrives, trust strengthens, and intimacy flourishes.
Contact us today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of somatic practitioners, trauma specialists, and relationship experts, and begin your journey toward embodied connection with yourself and others.
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References
Kross, E., & Ayduk, O. (2017). Self-distancing: Theory, research, and current directions. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 55, 81–136. https://doi.org/10.1016/bs.aesp.2016.10.002
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. New York: Guilford Press.