When the Year Did Not Turn Out as Planned: How to Process Unmet Expectations With Compassion, Clarity, and Nervous System Awareness

Unmet expectations at the end of the year can activate shame, anger, and harsh self-criticism. Learn how to process disappointment through a neuroscience-informed, trauma-aware lens and restorative balance with compassionate reflection.

As the year comes to a close, many people experience a quiet emotional reckoning. Goals were set with hope. Intentions felt sincere. Plans were made with the belief that effort would equal outcome. And yet, as the calendar shifts, the internal experience may feel heavy, disappointed, or tinged with shame.

You might be asking yourself:

     — Why did I not accomplish what I planned?
    — What is wrong with me that I could not follow through?
    — Why does this year feel like a letdown instead of a milestone?
     — Why am I so angry or numb when I should feel grateful?

Unmet expectations at the end of the year are not just cognitive disappointments. They are emotional and physiological experiences that live in the nervous system. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand year-end distress as a nervous system response shaped by trauma history, attachment patterns, and internalized pressure rather than a personal failure.

Why Unmet Expectations Hurt So Deeply

Expectations are not neutral. They are often woven with identity, self-worth, and hope for repair. When expectations go unmet, the brain does not simply register disappointment. It often interprets the outcome as a threat to belonging, competence, or safety.

From a neuroscience perspective, unmet expectations can activate:

     — The anterior cingulate cortex, which processes emotional pain
    — The amygdala, which detects threat and uncertainty
    — Stress hormones such as cortisol, which heighten self-criticism and vigilance

This is why unmet goals can quickly spiral into shame or harsh self-talk rather than simple disappointment.

The Difference Between Disappointment and Shame

Disappointment says, “This did not go as planned.”
Shame says, “This happened because there is something wrong with me.”

Many people unknowingly collapse disappointment into shame at the end of the year, especially if they grew up in environments where achievement, productivity, or emotional self-control were tied to worth.

If you find yourself replaying the year with a judgmental tone rather than curiosity, this may reflect old relational learning rather than the reality of your effort or capacity.

How Year-End Reflection Can Trigger Old Wounds

The end of the year invites comparison. Social media highlights milestones. Cultural narratives emphasize resolutions, reinvention, and progress. These external pressures can amplify internal wounds related to:

     — Not feeling good enough
    — Fear of falling behind
    — Chronic self-blame
    — Internalized perfectionism

For individuals with trauma histories or attachment injuries, year-end reflection can unconsciously reactivate earlier experiences of disappointment, criticism, or emotional abandonment.

The nervous system remembers what the mind may overlook.

Why Anger Often Shows Up Alongside Shame

Anger is a common but misunderstood response to unmet expectations. While shame turns inward, anger often emerges when the body senses injustice or exhaustion.

Anger at the end of the year may reflect:

     — Burnout from chronic over-functioning
    — Resentment about unmet needs
    — Grief for lost time or opportunities
    — Anger at systems, relationships, or circumstances that limited choice

When anger is suppressed or judged, it can turn inward as depression or self-contempt. When it is understood, it can offer clarity about boundaries, values, and unmet needs.

The Nervous System and Year-End Overload

Many people underestimate how much cumulative stress the nervous system carries by December. Even positive events require regulation. By the end of the year, the body may be operating from depletion rather than motivation.

Signs of nervous system overload include:

     — Difficulty reflecting without becoming overwhelmed
    — Emotional numbness or irritability
    — Increased self-criticism
    — Reduced capacity for hope or planning

This is not a character flaw. It is a physiological state.

Why Traditional Goal Review Often Backfires

Standard year-end practices often emphasize productivity, evaluation, and optimization. While these approaches may work for some, they can be counterproductive for individuals whose nervous systems are already taxed.

For trauma-impacted systems, pressure-driven reflection can reinforce:

     — Hypervigilance
    — Self-surveillance
    — Conditional self-acceptance

A nervous system-informed approach prioritizes regulation before reflection.

A Compassionate Framework for Processing Unmet Expectations

1. Regulate Before You Reflect

Before evaluating the year, attend to the body. Gentle regulation practices such as slow breathing, grounding, or mindful movement help shift the nervous system out of threat mode. Reflection without regulation often leads to distortion.

2. Separate Effort From Outcome

Many unmet expectations are not the result of a lack of effort, but of:

  — Limited emotional bandwidth
  — Unanticipated stressors
  — Systemic constraints
  — Trauma-related survival responses

Naming effort honestly restores dignity and reduces shame.

3. Name What Was Lost

Unmet expectations often carry grief. Perhaps you hoped for more connection, stability, healing, or ease. Allowing space to name what did not happen honors the emotional reality of the year. Grief is not weakness. It is integration.

4. Notice the Inner Critic Without Obeying It

The inner critic often becomes loud during year-end reflection. Instead of arguing with it, notice its tone and function. Many critical voices developed to prevent disappointment or rejection earlier in life.

Understanding the critic reduces its authority.

5. Explore Meaning Without Forcing Positivity

There is no requirement to frame the year as a success. Meaning can be found in endurance, survival, boundary-setting, or learning what no longer works.

Neuroscience shows that coherent narratives support emotional integration more than forced optimism.

How Therapy Supports Year-End Emotional Processing

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we address unmet expectations through a trauma-informed, nervous-system-aware lens. Therapy offers a space to:

     — Process shame without reinforcing it
     — Regulate emotional intensity safely
     — Integrate anger and grief
     — Reframe expectations with compassion
    — Restore self-trust and internal permission.

Rather than focusing on fixing the self, therapy focuses on understanding what the nervous system has been managing all along.

Reframing Expectations as Information, Not Verdicts

Unmet expectations often provide valuable information:

     — About capacity
    — About values
    — About relational dynamics
    — About what the body can sustain

When expectations are treated as data rather than judgments, they guide wiser choices moving forward.

Moving Into the New Year Without Pressure

Gentler transitions may include:

     — Naming what you are releasing rather than what you are achieving
     — Prioritizing rest and regulation over ambition
    — Setting intentions that support nervous system health
    — Allowing clarity to emerge gradually rather than on demand

A nervous system that feels safe is far more capable of growth than one driven by fear or shame.

Moving from Self-Judgment to Curiosity

If this year did not unfold as expected, that does not mean it was wasted. It may mean your nervous system was busy surviving, adapting, or protecting something essential.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help individuals and couples process disappointment with curiosity rather than self-punishment. When unmet expectations are met with understanding, the nervous system can finally exhale.

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today. 

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion-focused therapy. Routledge.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) Schore, A. N. (2012). The science of the art of psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.

Trauma Recovery Is Not Linear: What Your Therapist Really Means and Why It Matters

Trauma recovery is rarely a straight line. Learn what therapists mean when they say trauma recovery is not linear, how the nervous system heals, and how therapy supports sustainable progress.

If you are in therapy for trauma, you may have heard your therapist say something like, “Trauma recovery is not linear.” While the phrase is well-intentioned, it can feel confusing or even discouraging when you are doing everything you can to feel better. One week, you feel grounded and hopeful. The following old symptoms return, emotions intensify, or your body feels hijacked by sensations you thought you had already worked through.

You may find yourself asking:

     — Why am I struggling again after making progress?
    — Does this mean therapy is not working?
    — Why do triggers come back when I thought I had processed them?
    — Am I failing at trauma recovery?

Understanding what “not linear” actually means from a neuroscience and trauma-informed perspective can reduce shame, restore hope, and help you recognize real progress as it happens.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we work with trauma as a nervous system experience, not a checklist of symptoms. Recovery does not move in a straight upward line. It unfolds in cycles, layers, and rhythms that reflect how the brain and body learn safety.

Why Trauma Recovery Does Not Follow a Straight Line

Trauma is not stored as a single memory that gets erased once talked about. It is encoded across multiple systems, including the brain, the autonomic nervous system, muscles, hormones, and sensory networks. Because of this, healing unfolds gradually and often revisits similar themes at deeper levels.

Neuroscience shows that the brain learns through repetition and pattern recognition. The nervous system does not shift from threat to safety all at once. It tests safety, retreats, and re-engages. This is not regression. It is how learning occurs.

Trauma recovery looks less like climbing a ladder and more like walking a spiral. You may revisit familiar emotions, memories, or relational patterns, but each time with slightly more awareness, capacity, or choice.

The Nervous System and Cycles of Healing

From a nervous system perspective, trauma recovery involves moving between states of activation and regulation. According to polyvagal theory, the autonomic nervous system constantly scans for safety or threat. When safety increases, regulation improves. When stress or reminders arise, the system may temporarily revert to protective responses.

This can look like:

     — Increased anxiety after a period of calm
    — Emotional flooding following insight
    — Numbness after vulnerability
    — A return of hypervigilance during relational stress

These shifts are not signs of failure. They are signs that the nervous system is learning to be flexible.

A regulated nervous system is not one that never gets activated. It is one that can move in and out of activation and return to baseline.

Why Symptoms Can Resurface After Progress

Many people are surprised when symptoms return after meaningful therapeutic work. This can be deeply discouraging without the proper framework.

Symptoms resurface for several reasons:

     — New layers of trauma emerge as safety increases
    — The nervous system tests whether regulation is reliable
    — Life stress activates old neural pathways
    — Relationship dynamics mirror early attachment wounds
    — The body releases stored material in stages

In trauma therapy, improvement often creates enough stability for deeper material to surface. What feels like going backward is frequently a sign that the system trusts the process enough to reveal more.

Trauma Memory Is State Dependent

Trauma memory is not accessed randomly. It is often state-dependent. This means certain emotional or relational states activate specific memories or body responses.

For example:

     — Intimacy may activate attachment trauma
    — Conflict may trigger early powerlessness
    — Rest may bring up grief that was previously suppressed

     — Success may activate fear or shame

When these responses arise, they are not evidence that you have not healed. They provide information about what is still in need of integration.

Therapy helps you recognize these patterns and respond with curiosity rather than self-criticism.

The Difference Between Symptom Reduction and Integration

Many people equate healing with the absence of symptoms. While symptom relief is essential, trauma recovery is more accurately measured by integration.

Integration means:

     — You notice triggers sooner
    — You recover faster after activation.
    — You have more choices in how you respond.
    — You can feel emotions without being overwhelmed.
    — You experience more internal coherence.

You may still have reactions, but they no longer define you or control your life in the same way.

Why Trauma Recovery Often Feels Messy

Healing disrupts old survival strategies. As those strategies loosen, there can be a temporary sense of disorientation.

You may notice:

      — Shifts in identity
     — Changes in relationships
     — Grief for what was lost
     — Anger you were not allowed to feel before
     — Sadness that had been held at bay

This phase can feel unsettling, but it often precedes deeper stability.

Trauma recovery is not about becoming someone new. It is about reclaiming parts of yourself that were organized around survival.

Trauma Recovery and Relationships

Trauma healing rarely happens in isolation. As you change internally, your relationships may change as well.

You may:

      — Set new boundaries.
     — Tolerate less emotional inconsistency.
     — Feel discomfort with old relational patterns.
     — Grieve relationships that no longer fit.
      — Experience conflict as you assert needs.

These shifts can temporarily increase distress even as they move you toward healthier connection. Therapy supports navigating relational change with clarity and compassion. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we pay close attention to how trauma recovery intersects with intimacy, sexuality, attachment, and partnership.

Why Linear Thinking Increases Shame

When people expect recovery to be linear, they often interpret normal fluctuations as personal failure. This can lead to:

      — Self-blame
     — Hopelessness
     — Premature termination of therapy
     — Avoidance of deeper work
     — Suppression of emotion

Understanding the nonlinear nature of healing reduces shame and fosters patience.

Progress is not defined by never struggling again. It is characterized by increased capacity to meet struggles with support and skill.

What Actually Signals Progress in Trauma Recovery

Signs of progress may include:

      — You name what is happening instead of dissociating.
     — You ask for support sooner.
     — You feel safer in your body more often.
     — You tolerate uncertainty with less panic.
     — You experience more self-compassion.
     — You repair relational ruptures more effectively.

These changes are subtle but profound. They often go unnoticed if you measure progress only by symptom elimination.

How Therapy Supports Nonlinear Healing

Trauma-informed therapy provides:

      — A regulated relational environment
     — Tools for nervous system regulation
     — Meaning-making for confusing experiences
     — A framework that normalizes fluctuation
     — Support for pacing and integration

A

t Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we use attachment-focused, somatic, and neuroscience-based approaches to help clients understand and trust their own process. Rather than pushing for constant forward movement, we support stabilization, curiosity, and integration. This allows the nervous system to reorganize at its own pace.

A More Accurate Way to Think About Trauma Recovery

Instead of asking, “Why am I not over this yet?” consider asking:

      — What is my nervous system learning right now?
     — What is this reaction protecting?
     — What support do I need in this moment?
     — How is this different from last time?

These questions shift the focus from judgment to understanding. Trauma recovery is not linear because humans are not machines. We are adaptive systems shaped by experience, relationship, and meaning.

Moving Forward With Compassion and Perspective

If trauma recovery feels uneven, it does not mean you are doing it wrong. It means your nervous system is doing what it was designed to do: learn through experience.

Therapy offers a steady anchor as you navigate the ups and downs of healing. With the proper support, the overall trajectory moves toward greater safety, connection, and choice even when the path curves.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we are honored to offer attuned, ongoing care and steady therapeutic presence as individuals and couples make sense of their healing process and reconnect with their bodies, relationships, and inner resilience.

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today. 

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The aftermath of violence from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.

2) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

3) Schore, A. N. (2012). The science of the art of psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.

4) van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

What Makes Someone Likable? 5 Key Factors That Shape How People Perceive You

What makes someone likable? Explore five neuroscience-informed factors that shape how others perceive you and how nervous system regulation, authenticity, and relational safety matter more than people pleasing.

Why does likability seem to matter so much?

Whether we are talking about friendships, romantic relationships, leadership, parenting, or professional success, many people quietly carry the belief that being likable is the price of belonging. If others approve of me, I will be safe. If I am easy, agreeable, or pleasant, I will be valued. If I am not likable, I risk rejection, exclusion, or failure.

These beliefs do not arise in a vacuum. They are shaped by culture, attachment history, power dynamics, and nervous system conditioning. And while likability does influence social outcomes, the way most people try to achieve it often works against genuine connection and long-term well-being.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we see the cost of likability-driven living every day. Anxiety, burnout, resentment, relational exhaustion, sexual shutdown, and loss of self are common consequences of trying to manage others’ perceptions rather than inhabiting one’s own embodied presence.

The good news is this. Neuroscience and relational psychology show that genuine likability is not about performance. It is about regulation, authenticity, and emotional safety.

Why We Are Conditioned to Chase Likability

From early childhood, many people learn that approval equals safety. Caregivers may have been overwhelmed, inconsistent, or emotionally unavailable. In those environments, being agreeable, helpful, or invisible often became a survival strategy.

As adults, this conditioning shows up as questions like:

     — Why do I feel anxious about how I come across?
    — Why do I edit myself constantly in relationships?
    — Why does conflict feel so threatening?
    — Why am I exhausted from trying to be liked at work or socially?

In a culture that rewards charm, productivity, and emotional labor, likability becomes currency. But the nervous system cannot sustain constant self-monitoring without cost. Understanding what actually makes someone likable requires shifting from a personality lens to a nervous system and relational lens.

Factor One: Nervous System Regulation

One of the most potent drivers of likability is not charisma or confidence. It is nervous system regulation.

Humans are biologically wired to sense safety in others. Long before words are processed, the nervous system picks up cues through facial expression, tone of voice, posture, pacing, and breath.

According to Stephen Porges, the social engagement system allows us to detect whether someone feels safe or threatening. A regulated nervous system communicates calm, presence, and attunement. A dysregulated nervous system communicates urgency, anxiety, or withdrawal.

People often describe regulated individuals as:

     — Easy to be around
    — Grounded
    — Trustworthy
    — Good listeners

This is not because they are trying to be likable. It is because their nervous system signals safety.

When therapy focuses on nervous system repair rather than social performance, clients often notice that relationships begin to shift organically.

Factor Two: Authentic Emotional Presence

Authenticity is often misunderstood as saying everything you think or feel. In reality, authentic presence means being internally congruent. People tend to trust and feel drawn to individuals whose words, emotions, and body language align. When someone is overly curated, agreeable, or performative, the nervous system senses the mismatch.

This mismatch can show up as:

     — Forced positivity
    — Chronic people pleasing
    — Over-sharing without grounding
    — Emotional caretaking at the expense of self

Neuroscience shows that emotional incongruence creates subtle relational tension. Even when intentions are good, the body registers something as off.

Authenticity does not mean being unfiltered. It means being self-connected.

Factor Three: Attuned Listening

One of the most consistent predictors of likability is the experience of being felt and understood.

Attuned listening involves:

     — Eye contact that is present but not invasive
    — Reflecting emotion rather than fixing
    — Allowing pauses without rushing
    — Curiosity without interrogation

According to Daniel Siegel, attunement supports neural integration and relational safety. When someone feels listened to at a nervous system level, their body relaxes. People often mistake likability for being interesting. In reality, people feel most drawn to those who help them feel more themselves.

Factor Four: Boundaries and Self Respect

This may sound counterintuitive, but clear boundaries increase likability.

When someone has a stable sense of self and appropriate limits, others feel safer. Boundaries reduce resentment, confusion, and emotional volatility. They also signal self-respect.

Chronic accommodation, on the other hand, often leads to:

     — Passive resentment

     — Emotional burnout
    — Inauthentic connection
    — Sudden withdrawal or anger

According to Gabor Maté, when people are unable to say no, the body often does it for them through illness, anxiety, or shutdown. Boundaries are not relational threats. They are relational stabilizers.

Factor Five: Emotional Responsibility

Likable people tend to take responsibility for their internal states without making others responsible for regulating them.

This includes:

     — Naming feelings without blaming
    — Managing stress responses rather than acting them out
    — Repairing ruptures rather than avoiding them
    — Apologizing without collapsing into shame

Relational neuroscience shows that repair builds trust more than perfection. When someone can acknowledge impact and stay present, relationships deepen.

This is especially important in romantic and professional settings, where unaddressed emotional reactivity often erodes connection over time.

The Cost of Confusing Likability With Worth

Many people equate being likable with being lovable, successful, or safe. This belief often develops in environments where approval was conditional.

Over time, this confusion can lead to:

     — Chronic anxiety
    — Loss of identity
    — Sexual disconnection
    — Relational exhaustion
    — Difficulty accessing anger or desire

Therapy that addresses trauma and attachment helps untangle this equation. Likability becomes a byproduct of presence rather than a goal.

Likability, Sexuality, and Intimacy

In intimate relationships, likability often shows up as sexual compliance, emotional overavailability, or fear of disappointing a partner. When desire is shaped by approval rather than agency, sexuality becomes disconnected from embodiment. Nervous system informed sex therapy helps restore choice, safety, and authentic desire. True intimacy thrives not on likability but on mutual regulation, honesty, and repair.

A Nervous System-Informed Path Forward

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients shift from performing likability to inhabiting presence.

Our work integrates:

     — Trauma-informed psychotherapy
    — Somatic and nervous system-based interventions 

     — Attachment-focused relational work
    — Sex and intimacy therapy grounded in safety and agency

When the nervous system learns that authenticity does not threaten connection, social and professional relationships often improve naturally.

When Regulation Replaces Reactivity

Likability does influence social and professional outcomes. That reality does not have to trap people in performance. When regulation replaces reactivity, authenticity replaces self-monitoring, and boundaries replace appeasement, connection becomes sustainable. Being likable stops being something you chase and starts being something others experience.

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today. 

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead. Random House.

Maté, G. (2022). The myth of normal: Trauma, illness, and healing in a toxic culture. Avery.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press

The Healing Bond: How Pets and Emotional Support Animals Support Depression Recovery

Struggling with depression? Learn how pets and emotional support animals support nervous system regulation, reduce isolation, and promote emotional resilience through neuroscience-informed care.

Depression and the Experience of Disconnection

Depression often feels less like sadness and more like disconnection. Disconnection from pleasure. From motivation. From meaning. From others.

You may find yourself asking:

Why do I feel numb or withdrawn?

Why does connection feel exhausting?

Why do I feel calmer around animals than people?

For many individuals, pets provide a unique form of emotional regulation and relational safety that supports recovery from depression in meaningful ways.

The Neuroscience of Human Animal Bonding

Interaction with animals activates oxytocin, a hormone involved in bonding and stress reduction. At the same time, cortisol levels often decrease.

From a nervous system perspective, animals offer nonjudgmental presence and predictable responses. This creates a sense of safety that the depressed nervous system often craves.

Why Animals Feel Easier Than People During Depression

Depression can heighten sensitivity to social cues and perceived rejection. Animals do not require conversation, emotional performance, or explanation.

Their presence allows the nervous system to settle without demand.

Emotional Support Animals and Regulation

Emotional support animals are not service animals, but they play an important role in emotional regulation. Routine care provides structure. Physical touch offers grounding. Eye contact supports connection.

These experiences help counteract isolation and withdrawal.

Pets and Attachment Repair

For individuals with relational trauma, animals can serve as safe attachment figures. They provide consistency, affection, and responsiveness.

Over time, this can gently reshape expectations of connection and trust.

Movement, Routine, and Purpose

Depression often disrupts daily rhythms. Caring for a pet introduces routine and movement, both of which support mood regulation through circadian and neurotransmitter pathways.

Small acts of care can restore a sense of usefulness and purpose.

Limits and Considerations

Pets are not a replacement for therapy. They do not resolve trauma or depression on their own. However, when integrated into a broader treatment plan, they can provide meaningful support.

Therapy and Animal Assisted Healing

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we view pets as part of a larger relational ecosystem. Therapy helps individuals understand why animals feel regulating and how to translate that safety into human relationships.

The bond between humans and animals reflects the nervous system’s deep need for connection. In depression recovery, this bond can offer comfort, rhythm, and emotional warmth that support healing over time.

Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts, and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today. 

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

1) Beetz, A., Uvnäs Moberg, K., Julius, H., & Kotrschal, K. (2012). Psychosocial and psychophysiological effects of human animal interactions. Frontiers in Psychology, 3, 234.

2) Fine, A. H. (2019). Handbook on animal-assisted therapy. Academic Press.

) Odendaal, J. S. J. (2000). Animal-assisted therapy. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 49(4), 275–280.

4) Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory. W. W. Norton.

What Your Nervous System Wants You to Know: Applying Polyvagal Theory to Everyday Life

Feeling stuck in a constant state of anxiety, shutdown, or reactivity? Learn how Polyvagal Theory explains your nervous system's response to stress and discover how somatic therapy at Embodied Wellness and Recovery can help you regulate, reconnect, and heal.

Polyvagal Theory in Everyday Life: What Your Nervous System Is Trying to Tell You

Have you ever wondered why you feel chronically on edge, emotionally shut down, or easily overwhelmed in seemingly normal situations? Why certain conversations leave you breathless, your heart racing, or your stomach in knots? These aren’t random reactions; they’re your nervous system sending vital messages about safety, threat, and survival. Thanks to Polyvagal Theory, we now have a roadmap for understanding them.

What Is Polyvagal Theory?

Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory explains how the vagus nerve, a key part of the parasympathetic nervous system, influences our emotional and physiological states. Rather than viewing the nervous system as binary (fight-or-flight vs. rest-and-digest), Polyvagal Theory introduces a third state: dorsal vagal shutdown, a freeze-like state of collapse.

The three primary nervous system states are:

1. Sympathetic Activation (Fight or Flight): Anxiety, agitation, anger, racing thoughts

2. Dorsal Vagal Shutdown (Freeze): Numbness, disconnection, fatigue, depression

3. Ventral Vagal State (Safety and Connection): Calm, presence, attunement, engagement

Understanding which state you're in can illuminate not only your emotional experience but also the health of your relationships, sexuality, and ability to feel connected to yourself and others.

Are You Stuck in Survival Mode?

If you live with trauma, chronic stress, or unresolved attachment wounds, your nervous system may default to high-alert patterns. This is especially true for individuals with complex trauma histories or those who feel stuck in sympathetic nervous system arousal:

How Polyvagal Theory Applies to Intimacy and Sexuality

If you've ever felt like your body "shuts down" during sex, or if conflict with your partner sends you spiraling, Polyvagal Theory can help make sense of it. Safety and connection are prerequisites for desire and vulnerability. If your nervous system is in a defensive state, it will prioritize survival over pleasure.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in working with individuals and couples to restore nervous system safety in the context of intimacy. Whether you’re navigating sexual trauma, low desire, or disconnection in your relationship, we approach the healing process with compassion, neuroscience, and somatic tools.

Signs You May Benefit from Nervous System-Informed Therapy

      — Difficulty setting boundaries without guilt or fear

      — Feeling chronically overwhelmed or easily triggered

      — Shutdown, avoidance, or numbness during intimacy

      — A tendency to people-please or over-function in relationships

These aren’t personality flaws. They’re adaptive survival strategies rooted in nervous system dysregulation. With the right support, they can shift.

Listening to What Your Body Has Been Trying to Say

Your nervous system is not the enemy; it’s an innately wise, protective system shaped by your history. But you don’t have to stay stuck in the same loops. Through somatic therapy, polyvagal education, and compassionate support, it is possible to build a felt sense of safety, foster intimacy, and feel at home in your own body.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we offer trauma-informed, nervous system-focused therapy that supports deep, sustainable healing. Whether you're seeking help with anxiety, intimacy, or trauma recovery, our team is here to guide you toward regulation, connection, and embodied wholeness.

Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated therapists and take the next step toward a more regulated nervous system today.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References:

Dana, D. (2018). The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. New York: W.W. Norton & Company.

Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. New York: Viking.

Bombarded by Bad News? How Violent Media Affects Your Brain and What You Can Do About It

Violent news coverage and social media content can take a serious toll on your mental health. Learn how media violence affects the brain, why emotional dysregulation occurs, and how Embodied Wellness and Recovery helps individuals heal from trauma and anxiety with neuroscience-informed care.

When the World Feels Unsafe: The Mental Health Toll of Violent News and Social Media Exposure

Have you ever felt sick to your stomach after scrolling through your feed? Found yourself anxious, angry, or emotionally numb after watching yet another breaking news story about mass violence or global conflict?

You're not alone.

In a digital age where headlines shout trauma and our screens constantly refresh with graphic images, many people find themselves overwhelmed, emotionally dysregulated, or trapped in a persistent state of fear. But what is all this exposure to violence actually doing to our brains and bodies?

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand how trauma doesn’t just come from what happens directly to us—it can also come from what we witness, especially when it's repeated and unprocessed. This article explores the neuroscience behind media-induced trauma, how violent content affects mental health, and how to find hope, regulation, and healing in a chaotic world.

The Hidden Cost of Consuming Violent Media

From mass shootings to natural disasters to wars livestreamed in real-time, media exposure today is unlike anything previous generations faced. While staying informed is essential, the 24/7 news cycle and social media algorithms are not designed to support our emotional well-being but to keep us watching.

The brain responds to violent imagery—whether witnessed in person or through a screen—by activating the same neural pathways associated with direct trauma (Porges, 2011). This means even passive exposure can dysregulate your nervous system, trigger your fight-flight-freeze response, and lead to symptoms of:

    – Anxiety or panic
    – Depression
    – Hypervigilance
    – Irritability or emotional numbness
    – Sleep disturbances
    – Difficulty concentrating
    – Increased relational tension or withdrawal

Why Does Watching the News Feel So Overwhelming?

Because your nervous system wasn’t built for this.

From a neuroscience perspective, the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for detecting threats, cannot always distinguish between real-time danger and a reported danger—especially when the imagery is graphic or repeated (LeDoux, 1996). Each time you see a violent video or hear a disturbing report, your brain and body react as if the threat is near.

You may feel emotionally hijacked, exhausted, or like you're “on edge” all the time. This is not a weakness—it’s biology.

In fact, prolonged exposure to media violence can contribute to vicarious trauma or compassion fatigue, especially in individuals who are highly empathic, have a trauma history, or work in helping professions (Figley, 1995).

Are You Asking Yourself…

     – Why can’t I handle watching the news anymore?
    – Why do I feel so anxious after being online?
    - Why am I more reactive with my partner or kids after scrolling through social media?
    – Why do I feel hopeless or disconnected even though nothing “bad” is happening in my life?

These are valid, important questions. If the emotional weight of violent media is affecting your mental health, you're not weak or overly sensitive. You’re responding to chronic activation of your stress response—and you deserve support and regulation.

Hope, Healing, and the Path to Resilience

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we believe that resilience is not about “toughening up” or ignoring what's happening in the world. It’s about creating internal safety in the midst of external chaos.

Using neuroscience-backed approaches like somatic therapy, EMDR, Polyvagal Theory, and mindfulness-based interventions, we help clients:

     – Calm an overactive nervous system
    – Reprocess vicarious trauma
    – Rebuild emotional regulation
    – Reconnect with their bodies and inner safety
    – Develop mindful media boundaries
    – Strengthen relationships and intimacy, even during hard times

What You Can Do Today: Small Steps Toward Mental Resilience

Here are a few gentle practices to support your nervous system and reduce media-induced emotional dysregulation:

1. Create a News Ritual

Instead of checking updates randomly throughout the day, set specific times to read or watch the news. Choose trustworthy sources that present information without sensationalism.

2. Notice the Impact

After consuming violent content, pause. Ask: How am I feeling? What do I need? Bring awareness to your breath, body, and emotional state. This is the beginning of self-regulation.

3. Use the 3-3-3 Technique

To come back to the present moment:

     – Name 3 things you can see
    – Name 3 things you can hear
    – Move 3 parts of your body
This helps interrupt the brain’s stress response and grounds you in safety.

4. Somatic Therapy

A trauma-informed, body-centered approach that helps individuals regulate emotional overwhelm caused by repeated exposure to violent news and distressing media. When the brain perceives a threat—whether real or witnessed through a screen—it triggers the same stress response, flooding the nervous system with anxiety, fear, and helplessness. Somatic therapy helps calm this chronic activation by guiding clients to gently reconnect with their bodies, release stored tension, and restore a sense of internal safety. At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, our somatic therapists support clients in processing the emotional impact of media violence, reducing anxiety, and building resilience—so they can feel grounded and empowered in an increasingly chaotic world.

5. Curate Your Feed

Mute or unfollow accounts that spike anxiety or push graphic imagery without context. Follow accounts that share beauty, healing, inspiration, or grounded news commentary.

6. Talk About It

Name what you’re feeling with someone you trust. Isolation amplifies emotional overwhelm. Connection helps metabolize it.

Why This Matters for Intimacy and Relationships

When our nervous systems are dysregulated, it doesn’t just affect our individual well-being—it ripples into how we relate to others. You might notice more conflict, avoidance, or detachment in your relationships. Or perhaps you find yourself needing more reassurance but feel ashamed to ask.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we support couples and individuals in navigating the emotional fallout of collective trauma—including the way violent media can disrupt intimacy, trust, and co-regulation. You don’t have to navigate this alone.

When to Reach Out for Help

If you notice symptoms like chronic anxiety, emotional numbness, irritability, or hopelessness after exposure to violent media—or if these symptoms are impacting your relationships, work, or self-esteem—it's time to seek support.

Our trauma-informed therapists and somatic practitioners are here to help you reclaim your inner calm, strengthen your emotional resilience, and reconnect with your sense of agency and peace.

You Deserve to Feel Safe in Your Body Again

The world may feel chaotic, but healing is possible. With the right tools and support, you can regulate your nervous system, protect your peace, and engage with the world from a grounded, empowered place.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we offer personalized therapy, intensives, and somatic healing experiences to help you navigate these modern stressors with grace and resilience.

Let’s Take the Next Step Together

Ready to explore how media exposure is affecting your mental health—and how to restore regulation and connection?

Contact us today to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of top-rated therapists and trauma specialists to learn more about our trauma-informed therapy services in Los Angeles and Nashville.

📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458

📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934

📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com

👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery

🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit

References

Figley, C. R. (1995). Compassion Fatigue: Coping with Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder in Those Who Treat the Traumatized. Brunner/Mazel.

LeDoux, J. E. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life. Simon and Schuster.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.