How to Be Happier: A Happiness Expert's Best Tips for Finding Joy, Awe, and Meaning Even During Difficult Times
How to Be Happier: A Happiness Expert's Best Tips for Finding Joy, Awe, and Meaning Even During Difficult Times
Looking for lasting happiness? Discover the neuroscience of happiness, the surprising power of awe, and practical ways to navigate suffering, increase emotional resilience, and cultivate greater meaning in everyday life.
Have you ever caught yourself wondering:
"Is this all there is?"
Maybe life feels repetitive. You move from one obligation to the next, checking items off your to-do list while feeling increasingly disconnected from yourself. Or perhaps you're carrying grief, betrayal, anxiety, depression, burnout, or trauma, making joy feel frustratingly out of reach. You may even feel guilty for wanting more. After all, your life might look good from the outside.
So why does it feel so flat on the inside? If you've searched "how to be happier," "how to find meaning in life," or "how to enjoy life again," you are asking questions that psychologists and neuroscientists have been exploring for decades.
Surprisingly, many happiness researchers agree on one important point: Happiness is not simply the absence of suffering. It is the presence of meaning, connection, curiosity, and the capacity to remain open to life's moments of beauty, even when life is difficult.
The Biggest Myth About Happiness
Many of us unconsciously believe:
"I'll finally be happy when..."
...I find the right relationship.
...I earn more money.
...My anxiety disappears.
...The children are older.
...I heal from trauma.
...Everything feels easier.
This belief places happiness perpetually in the future.
Research in positive psychology suggests that while external circumstances certainly matter, they explain far less of our long-term well-being than many people expect. Factors such as relationships, gratitude, purpose, psychological flexibility, and daily habits contribute significantly to subjective well-being (Lyubomirsky, Sheldon, & Schkade, 2005).
In other words: Happiness is often less about eliminating every hardship and more about how we experience our lives while living them.
The Neuroscience of Awe
One of the most fascinating discoveries in recent years is the growing body of research on awe. Awe is the emotional experience of encountering something vast, beautiful, meaningful, or unexpected that momentarily shifts your perspective beyond yourself.
Research by psychologist Dacher Keltner and colleagues suggests that experiences of awe are associated with:
— Greater life satisfaction
— Increased generosity
— Reduced stress
— Improved emotional well-being
— Stronger feelings of connection
— Lower self-focused rumination
From a neuroscience perspective, awe appears to quiet excessive self-referential thinking while expanding our awareness of the larger world around us.
Instead of asking:
"What's wrong with me?"
our attention shifts toward:
"Look at this incredible sunset."
"Listen to that music."
"I can't believe how beautiful these mountains are."
"Look at the way my child is laughing."
Even brief moments of awe can interrupt cycles of chronic worry.
Finding Awe Every Day
Many people assume awe requires extraordinary experiences, such as traveling to Iceland, standing at the Grand Canyon, seeing the Northern Lights, but research suggests awe can be cultivated through remarkably ordinary moments (Keltner, 2023).
You might find awe in:
— Watching sunlight move across your living room floor
— Listening to a symphony
— Walking beneath towering trees
— Observing ocean waves
— Looking through a telescope
— Watching your dog greet you with unrestrained joy
— Holding a newborn's hand
— Reading poetry that leaves you speechless
— Witnessing remarkable human kindness
The nervous system is continually scanning for danger. Practicing awe gently expands its capacity to notice beauty as well.
Happiness Is Not the Absence of Pain
One of the greatest misconceptions about emotional well-being is that emotionally healthy people do not suffer. They do. The difference is often found in how they relate to suffering. Psychological flexibility, a central concept within Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), refers to our ability to remain open to difficult internal experiences while continuing to move toward personally meaningful values (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 2012).
Instead of asking, "How do I stop feeling pain?", the question becomes, "How do I continue living meaningfully while pain is present?" That shift changes everything.
How to Navigate Suffering Without Becoming Consumed by It
Suffering deserves compassion. It deserves attention. It deserves support, but it does not always deserve exclusive control over your attention. One practice happiness researchers frequently emphasize is both/and thinking.
Both "I am grieving." and "I noticed the smell of fresh coffee this morning." Both "My relationship is struggling." and "My friend made me laugh." Both "I am carrying trauma." and "I felt peaceful watching birds outside my window." This is not toxic positivity. It is emotional integration. The brain becomes healthier when it develops the capacity to hold multiple truths simultaneously.
Relationships Matter More Than We Realize
One of the longest-running studies on happiness, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, has consistently found that the quality of our close relationships is one of the strongest predictors of long-term health and happiness (Fuchsman, 2023). Meaningful connection regulates the nervous system.
Feeling emotionally safe with another person reduces physiological stress and promotes resilience. This is one reason loneliness is associated with increased risk for depression, anxiety, cardiovascular disease, and even earlier mortality. Our nervous systems evolved in connection. We heal in connection, too.
Small Daily Practices That Increase Happiness
Lasting happiness rarely arrives through one dramatic event. Instead, it often grows from repeated moments of intentional living.
Consider incorporating:
— Noticing one moment of awe each day
— Expressing gratitude to someone directly
— Spending time outdoors
— Moving your body
— Limiting chronic comparison on social media
— Engaging in meaningful conversation
— Serving someone else
— Laughing often
— Protecting time for rest and play
Small practices, repeated consistently, reshape both habits and neural pathways.
What If Life Feels Meaningless Right Now?
Perhaps the most painful question is not, "Why am I unhappy?" It is: "Will I ever care about life the way I used to?" Periods of emotional numbness often accompany depression, trauma, chronic stress, burnout, grief, and prolonged adversity. During these seasons, pursuing happiness directly can feel impossible.
Instead, begin with curiosity. Can you notice one interesting thing today? One beautiful thing? One meaningful conversation? One tiny moment of wonder? Meaning often returns before happiness fully does, and meaning creates fertile ground from which happiness can gradually grow.
Happiness Is Something We Practice
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand that cultivating happiness is not about pretending life is easy. It is about helping the nervous system become flexible enough to experience the full range of human emotion without becoming trapped in fear, shame, trauma, or disconnection.
Our integrative approach combines neuroscience, somatic therapies, attachment theory, trauma treatment, relationship therapy, and evidence-based psychological interventions to help clients strengthen resilience, deepen connection, and rediscover meaning. Perhaps happiness is not a destination waiting somewhere in the future.
Perhaps it is built through thousands of ordinary moments, such as looking up at the sky, receiving a friend's smile, listening to music that stirs your soul, allowing yourself to laugh, or finding awe in something unexpectedly beautiful. Sometimes the most extraordinary transformation begins when we teach our brains to notice that beauty has been quietly present all along.
Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today.
📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458
📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934
📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery
🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit
References
Fuchsman, K. E. N. (2023). Harvard Grant Study of Adult Development: 1938–2022. Journal of Psychohistory, 51(1), 27.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Keltner, D. (2023). Awe: The new science of everyday wonder and how it can transform your life. Penguin Press.
Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.
Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the world's longest scientific study of happiness. Simon & Schuster.
How Daily Routines Improve Mental Health: The Neuroscience Behind Healthy Habits That Actually Stick
How Daily Routines Improve Mental Health: The Neuroscience Behind Healthy Habits That Actually Stick
Discover how daily routines improve mental health, reduce anxiety, support nervous system regulation, and create lasting habits. Learn the neuroscience behind healthy routines that stick and how consistent structure can reduce stress, overwhelm, and burnout.
Do you wake up feeling behind before the day has even started?
Do you find yourself constantly juggling responsibilities, putting out fires, and wondering why life feels so overwhelming?
Have you ever created a new self-care routine with the best of intentions, only to abandon it a few weeks later and feel disappointed in yourself?
If so, the problem may not be a lack of motivation, discipline, or willpower. The issue may be that your nervous system is exhausted.
In a culture that celebrates productivity and hustle, routines are often dismissed as boring or restrictive. Yet neuroscience and psychology suggest something very different. Consistent daily routines can reduce anxiety, improve mental health, strengthen emotional regulation, and create a greater sense of stability during times of stress and uncertainty.
For many people, especially those with histories of trauma, chronic stress, ADHD, anxiety, or burnout, healthy routines are not simply organizational tools. They are nervous system interventions.
Why Life Feels So Overwhelming
Many people live in a near-constant state of activation. Their minds race from one responsibility to the next. Their calendars feel packed. Their attention feels fragmented. Even when they accomplish important tasks, there is often a lingering feeling that they should be doing more.
This chronic sense of overwhelm can create symptoms such as:
— Increased anxiety
— Emotional reactivity
— Sleep disturbances
— Decision fatigue
— Low motivation
— Burnout
— Feelings of guilt or inadequacy
When the brain perceives life as unpredictable or threatening, it prioritizes survival over long-term planning and self-care.
According to neuroscientist and psychiatrist Dr. Bruce Perry, predictable experiences help regulate the nervous system and create a sense of safety. In contrast, chronic unpredictability can keep the brain focused on scanning for threats rather than engaging in higher-order thinking and emotional regulation.
This helps explain why people who feel overwhelmed often struggle to maintain routines. The problem is not laziness. The nervous system may be working overtime simply trying to get through the day.
The Neuroscience of Routine and Mental Health
The human brain is designed to conserve energy whenever possible. Every decision we make requires cognitive resources. What should I eat? When should I exercise? What should I work on first? How do I fit everything into my day?
Over time, these countless decisions contribute to decision fatigue, a phenomenon in which the quality of our choices deteriorates as mental energy becomes depleted. Healthy routines reduce the number of decisions the brain must make. When certain behaviors become habitual, the brain relies more heavily on structures such as the basal ganglia, which help automate repeated actions. This frees up mental resources for creativity, problem-solving, emotional regulation, and meaningful relationships.
Research published in Nature Reviews Neuroscience suggests that habits make behaviors more automatic over time, reducing cognitive effort and increasing consistency. In other words, routines help the brain operate more efficiently (Buabang et al., 2025). Less mental clutter often translates into greater emotional clarity.
Why Predictability Calms the Nervous System
Many people think freedom comes from having complete flexibility, yet the nervous system often experiences freedom through safety and predictability. When daily life feels chaotic, the brain must remain alert. This heightened state of vigilance can contribute to anxiety, irritability, sleep difficulties, and emotional exhaustion. Predictable routines send a different message.
They communicate:
— I know what comes next.
— I have a plan.
— I can meet my needs consistently.
— I am safe enough to slow down.
Research has found that predictable routines are associated with lower stress levels, improved emotional well-being, and better overall mental health (Schneider & Harknett, 2019). For individuals recovering from trauma, this can be especially important.
Trauma often disrupts an individual's sense of safety, predictability, and trust. Consistent daily habits can help restore these experiences, creating opportunities for the nervous system to develop greater regulation and resilience.
Why Healthy Habits Often Fail
If routines are so beneficial, why do so many people struggle to maintain them? One reason is that many habit-building strategies ignore the nervous system.
People often attempt dramatic life overhauls:
— Waking up two hours earlier
— Exercising every day
— Completely changing their diet
— Meditating for 30 minutes daily
— Eliminating every unhealthy behavior at once
These plans may look impressive on paper, but they often exceed the nervous system's capacity for sustainable change. When habits are built on pressure, perfectionism, or self-criticism, they become difficult to maintain.
Research by behavior scientist Dr. B.J. Fogg suggests that small, achievable behaviors are far more likely to become lasting habits than ambitious lifestyle transformations (Chang, 2013). Consistency matters more than intensity. A five-minute walk repeated regularly may have a greater long-term impact than an intense workout performed sporadically.
The Hidden Role of Shame in Habit Formation
Many people carry significant shame around productivity.
They tell themselves:
— I should be doing more.
— Why can't I stay consistent?
— What's wrong with me?
— Everyone else seems to have it together.
Unfortunately, shame rarely creates sustainable motivation. Instead, it often increases stress, self-criticism, and avoidance. Neuroscience research indicates that self-compassion supports emotional resilience and adaptive behavior change more effectively than harsh self-judgment. Lasting routines are often built through curiosity rather than criticism.
Instead of asking:
"Why am I failing?"
Try asking:
"What does my nervous system need in order to succeed?" That subtle shift can create entirely different outcomes.
Five Neuroscience-Based Strategies for Creating Habits That Stick
1. Start Smaller Than You Think You Need To
The brain responds well to achievable success. Instead of committing to an hour of exercise, begin with five minutes. Instead of meditating for thirty minutes, start with two. Small wins build trust and momentum.
2. Attach New Habits to Existing Routines
Behavioral psychology research shows that habit stacking can increase consistency.
For example:
— Stretch after brushing your teeth.
— Practice gratitude while drinking your morning coffee.
— Take a brief walk after lunch.
Connecting new habits to existing behaviors creates stronger neural pathways.
3. Focus on Regulation Before Productivity
A regulated nervous system performs better than a stressed one.
Before tackling your to-do list, consider practices that support regulation:
— Deep breathing
— Mindful movement
— Time in nature
— Grounding exercises
— Brief moments of stillness
Productivity often improves when regulation comes first.
4. Create Predictable Morning and Evening Anchors
The beginning and end of the day have a powerful impact on emotional well-being.
Simple rituals can help create structure:
Morning:
— Hydration
— Light movement
— Setting intentions
Evening:
— Limiting screens
— Reflection or journaling
— Consistent sleep routines
These anchors help signal safety and predictability to the brain.
5. Measure Progress Differently
Many people evaluate habits based solely on outcomes. A healthier approach is to evaluate consistency.
Ask yourself:
— Did I show up?
— Did I practice?
— Did I take one small step?
Progress is often less about perfection and more about repetition.
When Routine Feels Difficult Because of Trauma
For some individuals, inconsistency is not simply a time management problem. Growing up in unpredictable environments can make structure feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. If chaos was normal, calm may initially feel strange. If survival required constant adaptation, predictability may feel vulnerable. This is where trauma-informed care becomes essential.
At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we understand that creating sustainable habits often requires more than productivity tips. It involves understanding the relationship between trauma, the nervous system, attachment patterns, emotional regulation, and self-trust.
Through therapies that address both the mind and body, individuals can develop greater capacity for consistency, resilience, connection, and emotional well-being.
The Goal Is Not Perfection
A healthy routine is not about maximizing productivity every minute of the day. It is about creating enough structure to support your mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. The most effective routines are not rigid. They are flexible, compassionate, and aligned with your actual needs.
Over time, small acts of consistency can help transform overwhelm into stability, anxiety into clarity, and burnout into sustainable energy. The path forward often begins with one simple question: What is one small habit I can repeat tomorrow that would help me feel a little more grounded today?
Reach out to schedule a complimentary 20-minute consultation with our team of therapists, trauma specialists, somatic practitioners, or relationship experts and start working towards integrative, embodied healing today.
📞 Call us at (310) 651-8458
📱 Text us at (310) 210-7934
📩 Email us at admin@embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
🔗 Visit us at www.embodiedwellnessandrecovery.com
👉 Check us out on Instagram @embodied_wellness_and_recovery
🌍 Explore our offerings at Linktr.ee: https://linktr.ee/laurendummit
References
Pretty, J., Rogerson, M., & Barton, J. (2017). Green mind theory: How brain-body-behavior links into natural and social environments for healthy habits. International journal of environmental research and public health, 14(7), 706.
Chang, J. (2013). Tiny habits: behavior scientist BJ Fogg explains a painless strategy to personal growth. Success, 54-58.
Duhigg, C. (2012). The power of habit: Why we do what we do in life and business. Random House.
Fogg, B. J. (2020). Tiny habits: The small changes that change everything. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Graybiel, A. M. (2008). Habits, rituals, and the evaluative brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 31(1), 359-387.
Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2010). How are habits formed? Modeling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009.
Perry, B. D., & Winfrey, O. (2021). What happened to you? Conversations on trauma, resilience, and healing. Flatiron Books.
Schneider, D., & Harknett, K. (2019). Consequences of routine work-schedule instability for worker health and well-being. American Sociological Review, 84(1), 82-114.