What Happens Physiologically When Your Heart Is Broken, And How to Heal It

Discover what happens physiologically when your heart is broken. Learn how heartbreak impacts the nervous system, brain, and body, and explore neuroscience-backed strategies—including insights from the Neuroaffective Touch model—to support emotional healing and recovery.

Why Does Heartbreak Hurt So Much?

The pain of heartbreak can feel unbearable. Sleepless nights, racing thoughts, a chest that feels tight or empty. These experiences are not just emotional; they are deeply physiological. But what exactly happens in your body and brain when your heart is broken? And how can neuroscience and relational models like Neuroaffective Touch help us move from despair toward repair?

Do you ever wonder: Why does my chest ache when I think of the person I lost? Why do I feel out of control even though the relationship is over? Will my body ever calm down again? These questions speak to the profound neurobiological impact of heartbreak, a form of relational trauma that reshapes not only our emotions but also our nervous system.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we specialize in treating trauma, nervous system dysregulation, and relational wounds. By integrating somatic and neuroscience-informed approaches, we help clients understand heartbreak as both a psychological and physiological process and guide them in finding pathways to healing.

What Happens Physiologically When Your Heart Is Broken?

1. The Brain Interprets Loss Like Physical Pain

Neuroscience research shows that social rejection and romantic loss activate the same brain regions as physical pain, including the anterior cingulate cortex and insula (Eisenberger & Lieberman, 2004). This overlap explains why heartbreak feels like being physically wounded.

Your brain does not distinguish easily between a broken bone and a broken bond. Both register as urgent, painful, and threatening to survival.

2. The Stress Response Goes Into Overdrive

When a relationship ends, the body interprets the loss as danger. The amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, fires continuously. Cortisol, the stress hormone, surges through the body. This cascade leads to:

     — Racing heart and shallow breathing
    — Digestive distress
     — Immune system suppression
    — Sleep disturbances

The nervous system becomes trapped in hyperarousal, scanning for threat, unable to find safety.

3. Attachment Bonds and Withdrawal Symptoms

Romantic love activates the brain’s dopamine and oxytocin pathways, the same reward systems involved in bonding and addiction. When those bonds are severed, the nervous system reacts like withdrawal from a substance: intense cravings, obsessive thinking, and difficulty regulating emotions.

This is why heartbreak can feel like a literal addiction; your brain is yearning for the chemical cocktail of love, comfort, and safety.

4. The Body Holds the Ache

The term “heartache” is not just metaphorical. Loss activates the vagus nerve, which regulates heart rate and emotional states. When heartbreak floods the system, the chest can tighten, breathing becomes shallow, and the body curls inward. Neuroaffective Touch, as well as other somatic therapies, emphasizes that these physiological contractions are protective, yet they can also trap grief in the body if left unresolved.

The Neuroaffective Touch Model and Heartbreak

Developed by Dr. Aline LaPierre, the Neuroaffective Touch model integrates neuroscience, attachment theory, and body-based healing. It recognizes that early relational wounds are stored not only in memory but also in the body.

Applied to heartbreak, this model offers three key insights:

1. The body remembers loss: Relational pain is imprinted in our nervous system, not just our thoughts.
2. Touch and presence regulate physiology: Safe, attuned relational experiences, whether through therapy, self-soothing, or mindful connection, help rewire attachment pathways.
3. Integration is possible: By attending to both body sensations and emotional meaning, the nervous system can return to balance, and new patterns of resilience can emerge.

How to Begin Healing a Broken Heart

1. Regulate the Nervous System

Grounding exercises help calm the amygdala and reduce cortisol levels. Try:

     — Breathing slowly with longer exhales (The exhale is the parasympathetic breath.)
    — Pressing your feet firmly into the ground
     — Placing a hand on your chest and feeling the rise and fall

2. Name the Experience

Labeling emotions activates the prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate the stress response. Saying “I feel grief” or “I feel abandoned” creates space between sensation and reaction.

3. Seek Relational Repair

Healing heartbreak is not just about solitude; it is about safe connection. Therapy, support groups, or trusted loved ones provide co-regulation, soothing the nervous system’s sense of isolation.

4. Engage in Body-Based Healing

Somatic therapy and approaches like Neuroaffective Touch address the contraction in the chest, the tension in the stomach, and the collapse of posture. By tending to the body’s memory of heartbreak, we restore vitality.

5. Reframe the Narrative

Ask yourself: What meaning can I make of this loss? How does it reshape my values, priorities, and sense of self? Neuroscience shows that reframing experience builds resilience and strengthens pathways of emotional regulation.

Questions for Reflection

     — What physical sensations show up when I think about this loss?
    — How do I try to avoid or numb the pain of heartbreak?
    — What small acts of compassion can I offer my body right now?

From Pain to Possibility

Heartbreak is not simply an emotional state. It is a full-body experience that reshapes the nervous system, brain circuits, and physiology. But when we approach heartbreak with compassion, neuroscience-informed strategies, and body-based repair, we create the conditions for transformation.

At Embodied Wellness and Recovery, we help clients move through heartbreak by addressing trauma, repairing the nervous system, and rebuilding healthy relational patterns. The process is not about erasing loss; it is about weaving it into the fabric of resilience, intimacy, and renewed connection.

Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with our team of trauma specialists, relationship experts, or somatic practitioners and begin the process of reconnecting today.

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References

Eisenberger, N. I., & Lieberman, M. D. (2004). Why Rejection Hurts: A Common Neural Alarm System for Physical and Social Pain Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 8(7), 294–300. 

LaPierre, A. (2017). Neuroaffective Touch: A Somatic Psychotherapy Model for Healing Developmental Trauma. Body, Movement and Dance in Psychotherapy, 12(2), 128–144. 

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.